Mostly True Memoirs

I Tried

I intended to spend yesterday in my pajamas, drinking coffee and reading a book.

Instead, I found myself mopping the floors.

I’m kind of disappointed in myself.

But don’t judge me.

I had a good reason.

No one was home.

It’s rare that no one is home.

And it’s the perfect time to clean the floors.

When they are all home, someone always walks across the wet floor and ruins it.

I’ll say, “Stay out of there for a few minutes, the floor is wet.”

And they’ll walk across the floor anyway.

They’ll say things like,

“I didn’t hear you.”


“I heard you, but I thought you were talking to HIM, not me.”


“Don’t worry, I was careful, I didn’t slip and fall.”

Well, I failed at slacking today.

But I’ve got clean floors, so there’s that.

I’ll slack another time.


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