Categories
humor storytelling

Murder is Super Illegal

Murder is super illegal

Someone said that it’s a shame that murder is super illegal.

I have to disagree.

I think it’s a very good thing that murder is super illegal.

It’s a deterrent.

I wouldn’t do well in prison.

It would be too people-y.

What if I didn’t get along with my roommate?

I doubt that the bedding would be clean enough.

And don’t get me started on the lack of fresh produce at mealtime.

Yep, I think it’s a very good thing that murder is super illegal.

Y’all can sleep well tonight knowing that I have been sufficiently deterred.

Categories
humor storytelling

He Was Smiling At Me

He was smiling at me.

HE WAS SMILING AT ME

I am the person who has to turn off the music to find an address.

Seriously.

I can’t listen and look at the same time.

And now, I find that I am also the person who can’t hear when someone is wearing a mask.

Seriously.

Oh, I hear their voice.

But I can’t figure out what they have said.

All I see is their dead eyes.

The facial expression is lacking with a mask.

Today a guy gestured for me to go ahead in the grocery store, but I couldn’t understand a word he said.

I couldn’t tell if he was frowning as if to say, “Move along, you stupid woman,” or if he was smiling as if to say, “You first, Ma’am.”

I can only assume that he was smiling at me.

Yeah, that’s what he was doing.

He was smiling at me.

Categories
humor lifestyle reading

My Inciting Incident

My Inciting Incident

MY INCITING INCIDENT

Day Whatever of the quarantine.

The grown son has been flicking fruit stickers willy-nilly around the kitchen.

This may very well be my Inciting Incident…

Categories
humor lifestyle quarantine

Day Whatever of the Quarantine

Day Whatever of the Quarantine

DAY WHATEVER OF THE QUARANTINE

Day whatever of the quarantine.

I took a Buzzfeed quiz.

I found out that I am not a psychic.

But already knew that.

So maybe I really am a psychic.

Who’s the psychic now, Buzzfeed?

Categories
humor lifestyle quarantine

I Took A Long Walk

I took a long walk

I TOOK A LONG WALK

I took a long walk by the creek behind our house.

It’s been raining, so there was a lot of water.

And a lot of frogs.

Or maybe toads.

Who knows?

I couldn’t see them.

But I could hear them.

They were loud.

It kind of freaked me out.

They sound a lot like the Geiger counters in Chernobyl.

I knew I shouldn’t have watched that disaster show in the middle of our own disaster.

Categories
humor lifestyle quarantine

Everyone is Talking About Tiger King

everyone is talking about tiger king

EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT TIGER KING

Everyone is talking about Tiger King.

So I started to watch it.

I immediately determined that I lack the proper level of Quarantine Desperation necessary for this show.

I have started a concurrent binge of Prodigal Son and True Detective.

These are both really good stories.

I’ll keep Tiger King on the back burner.

If The Husband and I can ever be bothered to have a Quarantine Fight, I’ll watch Tiger King with the volume way up high.

Just to annoy him

Categories
humor lifestyle quarantine

But We’re on Quarantine

but we're on quarantine

BUT WE’RE ON QUARANTINE

What else will make you crazy during social isolation?

The Grown Son has been staying with us.

He is working from home.

My home.

He huffed in objection when I asked him to pick up his mountain of crap so I could sweep the floor.

“But we’re on quarantine,” he objected.

“My standards are not on quarantine,” I informed him.

He moved his stuff.

I swept.

He was annoyed.

Whatever.

Categories
humor lifestyle quarantine

Day Whatever of the Quarantine

day whatever of the quarantine

DAY WHATEVER OF THE QUARANTINE

Day whatever of the quarantine.

I took a Buzzfeed quiz.

I found out that the first name of my soulmate starts with G.

Sorry, Bob.

Categories
humor lifestyle quarantine

A TP Run to Walmart

a tp run to walmart

A TP RUN TO WALMART

Bob risked his life and good health to go on a TP run to Walmart.

The shelves were cleared out.

But for a good reason.

There was a guy standing behind a counter doling out one package per customer.

That’ll work.

Next, Bob checked out the beer aisle.

There appeared to be no shortage.

He brought home a LOT of beer.

We are now well prepared for this quarantine.

Categories
humor lifestyle quarantine

Binge Watching During the Quarantine

binge watching during the quarantine

BINGE WATCHING DURING THE QUARANTINE

We binge watched Chernobyl last night.

What else is there to do except binge watching during the quarantine?

I’m not sure it was such a good idea to watch a show about an apocalypse while we are in the midst of an apocalypse.

Tonight we’ll binge on comedy.