Humor, Lifestyle, Writer

Spellcheck


I don’t correct people’s grammar when I’m not teaching.

That’s obnoxious.

Especially on line.

It’s so easy to make typos.

And auto correct can be a jerk.

I make plenty of mistakes myself.

I try to overlook it when I see it on line.

HOWEVER…

Today I read an entire conversation about a dessert tortoise.

The first post was about a pet dessert tortoise.

And all of the responses were about other people’s pet dessert tortoises.

Every single person in the thread spelled desert wrong.

In my mind, I pictured a slow-moving tortoise covered in whipped cream and chocolate syrup with a sprinkling of salmonella.

It’s a desert tortoise.

Not a dessert tortoise.

OK, I’m done ranting now.
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Humor, Lifestyle, quarantine

Graduation 2020


The Grown Son is a little annoyed at all of the quarantine graduation hoopla.

He didn’t want to go through his own graduation ceremony.

I forced the issue.

He participated grudgingly and only at my insistence.

And now he resents his missed opportunity.

If only he had graduated in a quarantine year…

Sorry, Kid.

I’ll check with your calendar when the next pandemic is unleashed.

Maybe we can work it into your schedule more favorably.
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Home, Humor, Lifestyle

Rats


Every day this week, rain has been predicted.

Every day this week, the weather has remained dry.

Today I finally decided to water my vegetable garden.

I can’t wait for the rain.

It was when I approached the gate to access the hose that I saw it.

I stopped dead in my tracks.

I was horrified.

Rat poop!

On the fence!

Rats have touched the very fence that I have to touch to access the hose!

Ewww.

The Husband, however, was kind of happy.

Over the years, he has devised a fool-proof method for dealing with rats.

Bob is very proud of his disgusting achievement.

Whatever.

Just get rid of the rats.

Ewww.
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Home, Humor, Lifestyle

Mowing the Lawn


In the interest of not being pathetic and dependent, I asked Bob to show me how to mow the lawn.

Last week he showed me, and this week I did it myself.

I know that my rows were not up to the razor-straight standards that he demands.

Some of the rows were downright wobbly.

All I could think of was that scene in True Detective where Woody Harrelson gets up in Matthew McConaughey’s face and snarls at him, “You don’t mow another man’s lawn.”

I’m a little concerned.

If I’m lucky, Bob will say, “Nice job,” with false sincerity.

And then he’ll never let me near the lawn mower again because he can’t trust me to do it right.

I can only hope.
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Home, Humor, Lifestyle

Stupid Ant


I got bit again.

This time it was not a murder hornet.

I know because I saw it.

It was an ant.

I don’t know if it was a fire ant.

It wasn’t red.

But it was huge.

And it was squished by the time I got done with it.

It bit me right under the flip-flop strap.

And now I’ve got a painful welt and I can’t wear flip-flops.

A tragedy!

Until I found a different pair of flip-flops in my closet with a different strap angle.

Whew!

I can still wear flip-flops.

Stupid ant.
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ESL Teacher, Humor, Lifestyle

Chicken and Candy


My beginning English student told me that he had eaten chicken and candy for dinner.

I hesitated a moment before I clarified that.

Who am I to judge?

Maybe he DID eat chicken and candy for dinner.

It sounds like great comfort food.

A few shots of whiskey would make an excellent dessert pairing.

I was very disappointed to find out, on questioning him, that he had actually eaten chicken and vegetables for dinner.

I am now rethinking my own dinner plans for tonight.
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Family, Home, Humor

Karen

I told the Grown Son that I don’t like his use of the term “Karen.”

It’s insulting.

Our next-door neighbor is Karen.

And she’s lovely.

The Grown Son confirmed that next-door Karen is not a Karen.

And neither am I.

He assured me, however, that I am still annoying, even if I’m not a Karen.

By the time he got through his long-winded, backhanded compliment, I had stopped listening.

I had also stopped caring.

Does that make me a Karen?

Whatever.
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