Mostly True Memoirs
Not In My Postop Plan
Here’s the problem.
I can get around.
But I can’t actually do anything.
Because my hands are full of the crutches.
It’s very frustrating.
I can get my coffee cup to the table by scootching it down the kitchen counter in between hobble-steps on the crutches.
We like to eat breakfast outside this time of year.
Bob has been carrying my coffee outside for me.
This morning I was awake at 5:00 am.
No one else was up.
I slid a kitchen chair right up to the back door.
If I could move my cup from the table to the chair, I could hobble outside, reach back in for my coffee and settle in at the patio table.
It was the perfect plan.
Until I got outside, shut the back door, and noticed what was going on.
Blue was battling a swarm of beetles.
Enormous beetles, the size of my thumb.
I almost screamed, but it was too early to scare the neighbors.
The beetles were angry, and they were dive-bombing the dog.
They weren’t going down without a fight.
It was still dark outside, and I was afraid that if I opened the door to go inside, the bugs would be attracted to the light and would follow me in.
That wouldn’t do.
But I couldn’t stay outside amidst the beetle battle.
That wouldn’t do either.
I took several deep, calming breaths.
This wasn’t worth freaking out over and falling over my crutches.
Beetles were definitely not part of my postop plan.
They’re gross, but they won’t hurt me.
Unless they’re murder hornets.
I opened the door and hobbled in as fast as I could.
Which wasn’t very fast at all.
The bugs were preoccupied with Blue, and none of them followed me into the house.
A few minutes later, Blue burst in through the doggy door, cheerful, happy, and sassy.
I looked outside, and the beetles were gone.
I have no idea if she ate them or if she just chased them away.
Either way, they were gone.
I suppose I could have gone back outside again to drink my coffee.
But I’d had enough excitement for one morning.
Today, breakfast was indoors.