Author: Liz Brenner

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Writing Your Life Story

July 14 – Why You Need To Be Very, Very Careful

July 14
July 14

Today is July 14.

Sure, it’s Bastille Day. It’s also the birthday of Gustav Klimt, Gerald Ford and Woody Guthrie.

But none of that is the really important story.

July 14 is National Tape Measure Day.

Which is not exactly exciting news.

Until you discover it’s also National Nude Day.

Can you imagine celebrating both holidays at the same time?

Thankfully, I don’t know anyone who observes either one.

That’s a coincidence I don’t ever want to witness.

Then I discovered something else.

It’s also National Cow Day.

Coincidence?

I think not.

I’ll bet someone accidentally wandered into a National Nude Day celebration and immediately declared, “You know what? Let’s make today National Cow Day.”

At any rate, I’m sitting here at my desk with no tape measure, clothes on, and no livestock in sight, giggling over all the possibilities.

I sincerely hope they stay possibilities.

Some things are much funnier in your imagination than they are in real life.

If you need me today, I’ll hiding inside.

Fully dressed.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

About Me

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Writing Your Life Story

How To Drop F-Bombs on the Fourth of July

Fourth of July
Fourth of July

Well, that was some Fourth of July celebration!

I decided to power wash the patio before our BBQ.

It was a billion degrees outside, but the patio was shaded.

And I was working with water.

What could possibly go wrong?

My shoes got soaking wet, so I kicked them off.

And then I accidentally power washed my own foot.

OUCH!

Pro tip: Don’t do that.

Seriously. Power washers are for patios, not pedicures.

I’ve still got a painful red mark a day later.

Meanwhile, while we were getting dinner ready, Bob accidentally knocked over a glass.

CRASH!

Shards flew everywhere.

He dropped an F-bomb.

Of course he did.

Who wouldn’t?

Then he grabbed the broom and started sweeping.

I couldn’t resist pointing out to the Grown Son that this was the proper response to such an incident.

See, the Grown Son recently broke a glass and had an absolute conniption fit.

“Notice,” I said, “how Dad got over it and simply cleaned up the mess.”

Bob swept the floor and then I vacuumed to make sure the dogs wouldn’t find any stray pieces of glass.

As I vacuumed, I continued my lecture.

The Grown Son continued to roll his eyes.

Bob continued to laugh.

And that’s when the vacuum cord snagged a bottle of peanut oil.

CRASH!

Yup.

I dropped an F-bomb.

Who wouldn’t?

Then I started cleaning.

Because what else are you going to do?

But trying to clean an oil slick?

It doesn’t wipe up.

It simply spreads around and laughs at you.

I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed, and the floor was still slick enough to qualify as an Olympic skating rink.

Thank goodness for Google.

Google suggested covering the mess with baking soda, letting the oil absorb, and then sweeping it all up.

Problem solved.

Finally, I hauled the power washer back to the garage.

It has wheels, but I still had to wrestle it across the lawn, open the gate, and keep the dogs from escaping.

That’s when I drove a splinter underneath my fingernail.

OUCH!

It suddenly became very clear to me why splinters under the fingernails have been used as a torture technique.

Despite all that, our Fourth of July BBQ was delicious.

The fireworks were fun.

And my kitchen floor has never been cleaner.

But next Fourth of July?

I’m celebrating from the safety of a lawn chair.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

About Me

This post might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

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Dog Writing Your Life Story

What In The World Happened on June 29?

June 29
June 29

Bosco, the new puppy, threw up.

That’s not particularly noteworthy.

Dogs vomit all the time.

What’s interesting is that he threw up on Monday.

Why does that matter?

Because if you’re a Seinfeld fan, you know June 29 is Jerry’s Vomit Day.

“Can you believe it? I’m vomiting on June 29 again!”

Jerry did it in 1972 and again in 1980.

Then there was the infamous black-and-white cookie incident.

Although…weren’t they wearing jackets? That couldn’t have been June 29.

Maybe that’s when Jerry’s streak finally ended.

Good thing Bosco is ready to take over.

Apparently June 29 still needs someone to vomit.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

About Me

This post might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

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Categories
Writing Your Life Story

Hail To The New Puppy King!

Bosco the Rescue Puppy
Bosco the Rescue Puppy

The Grown Son adopted a shelter puppy.

And then his air conditioner died.

He and his dog have moved back home to wait out the HVAC repair and then some flooding damage repair.

This dog is adorable and sweet and smart and supposedly very easy to train.

BUT…

Yeah, there’s a but….

He’s still  just a puppy.

His name is Bosco,  but we’ve been calling him The Pee Pee King.

And a few other names that can’t be repeated.

He’s making progress with the house training.

But I still don’t trust him.

Seriously, how could anyone named The Pee Pee King be trusted?

He has stolen a ham sandwich, wrecked a window blind, destroyed a yoga mat, chewed through several leashes, and has serenaded more than one video call with separation-anxiety howing.

Today was the worst.

He was playing with something in the backyard.

I thought it was a bit of garbage.

Wrong!

It was a dead bird.

Ewwww.

I don’t know if he killed it or if he found it dead.

He’s a Bluetick Coonhound, a hunting breed, so maybe he did kill it.

Now his newest nickname is Dead Bird Breath.

Nobody was home so I had to shovel the dead bird myself.

Bosco, like Blue and Wrigley and all the family dogs before him, is destined to become the Best Dog Ever.

Just as soon as he finishes his reign as The Pee Pee King and Dead Bird Breath.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

About Me

This post might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

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Categories
Writing Your Life Story

The Most Reliable Way to Haunt Your Blackberries

Haunted Blackberries
Haunted blackberries

I have a huge blackberry vine.

I love the fresh berries.

Last year, the birds got to it.

They cleaned out the entire vine.

I didn’t get a single blackberry.

And I was furious.

This year, I netted the vine.

And it seems to be working.

The vine flowered.

Tiny berries appeared everywhere.

I went outside to harvest the first ripe blackberries.

I was excited.

Until I saw it.

Something tangled in the net.

What in the world is THAT?

I screamed.

Bob came running outside.

Then he laughed.

And laughed.

And laughed.

Despite the fact that this was absolutely NOT funny.

What was it?

A dead, mummified lizard.

Apparently, the poor little guy got tangled in the net…

And then slow-roasted in the afternoon sun.

Bob grabbed scissors, cut him loose, and tossed him in the garbage.

As if that solved everything.

But I’m not convinced.

What if the blackberries are haunted now?

What if the Evil Spirit of the Angry Lizard Mummy has cursed the vine?

Because honestly?

If I got trapped in a net and baked alive in the Texas heat…

I’d haunt somebody too.

Bob says he doesn’t care.

He plans to eat the berries anyway.

And unfortunately…

I kind of agree with him.

I do love fresh blackberries.

Still…

I’ll probably eat them very carefully.

Just in case…

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

About Me

This post might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

HOW TO WRITE ANECDOTAL HUMOR

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Categories
Writing Your Life Story

Why I Didn’t Get A New Pair of Flip FLops

Flip Flops
Flip Flops

It’s mid-May.

The weather is warming up.

Summer’s almost here.

And every store has flip flops on display.

I saw some I liked.

On sale.

In several different colors.

I would have bought a pair or two.

But…

Yes, there’s a “but” in this story.

A big but.

The size 10s were on the bottom rack.

And the size 5s were WAAAAAY up high.

Seriously?

Anyone wearing a size 10 could easily reach the top shelf.

But someone wearing a size 5?

Not so much.

At the end of the season, they’re going to wonder why the smaller sizes didn’t sell.

Maybe they’ll stop carrying small sizes altogether because “there’s no demand.”

Well duh.

They should put the big sizes on the top shelves.

And keep the small sizes down low where people like me can actually reach them.

Otherwise, in drug stores across the country, you’ll see petite women staring longingly at flip flops that they cannot buy.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

About Me

This post might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

HOW TO WRITE ANECDOTAL HUMOR

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Dog Writing Your Life Story

Why A Dog Barking Caused Pre-Dawn Panic

All. Night. Long. The Story of a Dog Barking.
All. Night. Long. The Story of a Dog Barking.

All. Night. Long.

A dog was barking.

I was exhausted. Irritated. Sleep deprived.

At 5:00 a.m., I had a horrifying thought…

Where’s Blue?

What if it’s MY dog?

What if I’ve been the cause of the all-night mayhem?

Cue panic.

Cue guilt.

Cue me sprinting to the back door like a terrible pet owner in a redemption arc.

I whistled.

Blue came cheerfully trotting in…

from another room in the house.

Not my dog barking.

Whew!

Instant relief.
Total forgiveness.
Inner peace.

…although at 10:00 a.m. that freaking dog was STILL barking.

My compassion comes with a very limited warranty.

Your move. What’s your version of the barking dog?

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

About Me

This post might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

HOW TO WRITE ANECDOTAL HUMOR

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Categories
Writing Your Life Story

Why I Got Carded, And Why It Made Me Happy

I Got Carded
I Got Carded

It’s been years.

But today I got carded.

Someone actually asked to see my ID.

They couldn’t believe I was of age.

Well… not that kind of “of age.”

They were making sure I qualified for the senior discount.

It was still flattering.

Sort of.

The clerk was a teenager. With braces.

But still… I got carded.

I haven’t been carded in years.

Apparently, I’ve finally reached that magical age.

The one where you need proof that you’re old enough…

Again.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

About Me

This post might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

HOW TO WRITE ANECDOTAL HUMOR

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Categories
Communication Lessons

Poker: Now I Get It!

Poker: Apparently Strategy Matters
Poker: Apparently Strategy Matters

It only took me an entire lifetime to understand poker.

It’s been explained to me before.

But it all went right over my head.

Again and again and again.

It took an explanation from someone who spoke to me like I was an idiot.

On second thought… someone who recognized my profound idiocy and kindly explained things in terms I could understand.

I’m talking about poker.

Oh, I’ve always understood the game.

It’s the gambling that confused me.

At a recent game night, someone explained the roles of the Big Blind and the Little Blind.

And suddenly the whole thing fell into place.

Of course!

I cleaned up that night.

Seriously – I’ve got a lifetime of catching up to do.

Unfortunately, we weren’t playing for money.

All I really won was a huge pile of chips and some bragging rights.

But hey.

I’ve got a lot of bragging to catch up on.

Poker night?

Bring it on.

Next time… let’s play for money.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

About Me

This post might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

HOW TO WRITE ANECDOTAL HUMOR

IT’S YOURS! A FREE GUIDE – Four Easy Steps To Editing Your Perfect Social Media Post. All you’ve got to do is SUBSCRIBE!

Categories
Lifestyle Work

A Writing Workbook You Will Love!

Writing workbooks coming soon
Writing workbooks coming soon

I know. I know. I KNOW.

I’ve been quiet.

No new blog posts.
No fresh stories.
No flash fiction.

And apparently that has people wondering if I’m okay.

I’m okay.

I’m just… full.

Booked.
Scheduled.
Overflowing.

So much so that I’ve had to close enrollment in my writing workshops.

That’s the good news.

And the hard news.

Why My Writing Workshops Are Full

My workshops have always been conversation-driven.

Real people.
Real stories.
Real courage.

That’s where the magic happens.

Someone says, “I’ve never told anyone this before…”
And then they do.

Every new voice changes the room.
Every perspective deepens the learning.

But a workshop can only hold so many people.

And lately, there’s simply been no more room at the table.

It’s a wonderful problem.

But it means some of you are waiting outside the door.

I don’t like that.

Why I’m Creating a Writing Workbook

So here’s what’s happening behind the scenes:

I’m building a writing workbook series..

Not a watered-down version of a workshop.
Not a fluffy PDF.

A real, structured, step-by-step guide built on the same philosophy I teach live:

Keep it simple.
One idea at a time.
Clear beats clever.
Anyone can learn to write well.

Because I believe that.

Truly.

What Makes This Writing Workbook Different

A workbook can’t replicate conversation.

It can’t raise its hand.
It can’t laugh at the right moment.
It can’t gently ask, “What do you really mean here?”

But it can give you structure.

It can give you prompts.
It can give you rhythm.
It can give you focus.

If you’ve ever felt intimidated by writing, or if you’ve started and stopped more times than you can count, this is built for you.

This is for the beginner.

The hesitant writer.

The thoughtful overthinker.

Can a Writing Workbook Replace a Workshop?

No.

And it’s not meant to.

Workshops are alive. They breathe. They’re interactive.

But a writing workbook can open the door.

It can prepare you.

It can build confidence.

It can help you discover that you are more capable than you think.

And when space opens in a workshop?

You’ll be ready.

Who This Writing Workbook Is For

It’s for the person who didn’t get a seat.

It’s for the person who isn’t quite ready to speak up in a group.

It’s for the person who has a story but doesn’t know where to begin.

It’s for anyone who wants clarity instead of complexity.

Because writing doesn’t have to be complicated.

When the Writing Workbook Will Be Available

It’s not ready yet.

Good work takes time.

But it’s coming.

And when it’s ready, I won’t make a huge splash.

I’ll just quietly open the door.

If you’d like to be the first to know when the writing workbook for beginners is released, make sure you’re subscribed and keep an eye on this space.

Seats may fill.

But the page is wide open.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

About Me

This post might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

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