I had so many questions.
I was in the bread aisle at Kroger when I spotted a very tall, heavyset woman wearing a cow costume.
Complete with horns, udders, and a tail.
She was also wearing bear-claw slippers.
And a flowery fanny pack.
I stared.
How, exactly, had she managed to buckle a fanny pack around that massive cow costume?
More importantly, why was a cow wearing bear-claw slippers?
I had so many questions.
But I hesitated to strike up a conversation.
What do you say to a gigantic cow-bear woman in the bread aisle?
Excuse me. What’s up with this getup? Do you dress like this every day? Why?
I briefly considered taking a surreptitious picture.
Then I reconsidered.
She was as freakishly large as I am freakishly small.
She could take me out with one hoof.
Or paw.
Whatever.
I decided to mind my own business and went on my way.
Still, I had so many questions.
And now I’ll never know the answers.
Unless, of course, I see her in Kroger again.