I Had So Many Questions

Mostly True Memoirs

I had so many questions

I had so many questions.

In the bread aisle at Kroger was a very tall, heavyset woman.

In a cow costume.

Complete with horns, udders, and a tail.

Incongruously, she was also wearing bear-claw slippers.

Topping off the ensemble, she was sporting a flowery fanny pack.

How did she get that thing buckled up around the cow suit?


I had so many questions.

But I hesitated to strike up a conversation.

What do you say to a gigantic cow-bear woman? 

I wondered if I could surreptitiously take her picture.

But again, I hesitated.

She was as freakishly large as I am freakishly small.

She could take me out with one hoof.

Or paw.


I went on my way.

I had so many questions.

And now I’ll never know the answers.

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