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Family Lifestyle

Why Hot Weather Brings Out A Serious Chance Of Monsters

Why hot weather brings out a serious chance of monsters

It’s Hot, and It’s Monster Weather

It’s hot.

A cold front is moving through North Texas.

But it’s all relative.

It’s just way less hot than it might be.

Our air conditioner died yesterday.

The service guy is coming this afternoon.

Last night was brutal.

At least for me.

Bob suggested that if I didn’t sleep with a blanket, I might have been more comfortable.

Seriously?

I can’t sleep without a blanket.

I would feel so exposed.

There might be monsters.

What kind of crazy person can sleep without a blanket?

I should just leave the house and let Bob wait by himself for the air conditioning guy.

I could pack up my laptop and spend the afternoon at the library.

Where it’s air conditioned.

And there are no monsters.

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Lifestyle

Seriously? Is This A True Story?

Seriously? Is this a true story?

Seriously? Is This True?

Seriously?

We used a lot of rideshares in Nashville.

Most of the drivers were musicians.

All of them were very friendly and were happy to talk about their city.

My favorite driver was David.

He may or may not have been a musician, but he was certainly a comedian.

He grew up in Nashville.

David told us that way back in the day, Tootsie’s would hire kids to shoot pigeons away from the building.

The kids got paid in beer.

Seriously?

They hired kids to shoot birds at a crowded honky-tonk?

They paid kids in beer?

I want to know if this is true.

Who grew up in Nashville?

Who can confirm this story?

If it’s the truth, then we heard an outrageous but hilarious story about growing up in Music City.

If it’s a tall tale, then we spent an engaging moment in the company of a brilliant BSer.

Either way, I want to know.

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Family Lifestyle

Too Much Work

Too much work

TOO MUCH WORK

Vacation preparations are underway.

The Grown Sons will be house sitting.

I have given instructions on the sprinklers, trash day, and bringing in the mail.

They are outraged.

This is too much to ask.

Considering that they work.

Who has time for all of this?

I laughed and laughed and laughed.

And laughed some more.

And continued preparing food to leave in the freezer for them to eat in my absence.

Too much work indeed.

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Lifestyle

Corn. Seriously?

Corn. Seriously?

CORN. SERIOUSLY?

I saw one of those word search puzzles.

It said that the first word I read was my heart’s desire.

I saw “corn.”

Well that’s a huge disappointment.

Fortune or True Love might have been more inspiring.

On the other hand, I do like corn.

Corn on the cob, corn bread, corn chowder, corn pudding, corn tortillas.

It’s all good.

And it’s certainly an achievable goal.

So yeah, I guess now I’ve got corn to look forward to.

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Lifestyle

I Can Only Hope

I can only hope

I CAN ONLY HOPE

Today a younger woman asked, regarding The Flintstones, “Which was the boy, Pebbles or Bamm Bamm?”

Seriously?

I’m insulted that she asked.

I’m insulted that I knew the answer.

I’m insulted that she was raised so poorly.

Well, what goes around comes around.

One day someone will ask an equally troubling question about something obvious to her generation.

This moment will come back to bite her one day.

I can only hope.

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Lifestyle

I Am Very Disappointed In Myself

I am very disappointed in myself

I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED IN MYSELF

I never remember my dreams.

I am always aware that I had a vivid dream.

But it disappears before I can recall it.

Today was different.

I remembered.

I was at a dinner party.

Where they were serving Burt-Reynolds-shaped pasta.

Seriously?

This is what my subconscious gets up to when I’m not around?

I am very disappointed in myself.

I was certain that I could do better than that.

If anyone knows how to analyze dreams, please just pass this one by.

I don’t want to know what it means.

My only hope is that it was young Burt Reynolds.

Sigh.

I guess I really am as lame as my kids say.

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Lifestyle

I Had So Many Questions

I had so many questions

I had so many questions.

In the bread aisle at Kroger was a very tall, heavyset woman.

In a cow costume.

Complete with horns, udders, and a tail.

Incongruously, she was also wearing bear-claw slippers.

Topping off the ensemble, she was sporting a flowery fanny pack.

How did she get that thing buckled up around the cow suit?

Wow.

I had so many questions.

But I hesitated to strike up a conversation.

What do you say to a gigantic cow-bear woman? 

I wondered if I could surreptitiously take her picture.

But again, I hesitated.

She was as freakishly large as I am freakishly small.

She could take me out with one hoof.

Or paw.

Whatever.

I went on my way.

I had so many questions.

And now I’ll never know the answers.

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Lifestyle

My Swan Song for 2020

My Swan Song

MY SWAN SONG FOR 2020

The sh**show that is 2020 just keeps on giving.

I did a load of wash with some Kleenex in a pocket.

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the backyard, plucking thousands and thousands of Kleenex shards off of all of the clothes.

And cursing.

With any luck, this will be my swan song for 2020.