Tag: not funny

Categories
Lifestyle

False Alarm! This One Might Be Worth The Fine

False Alarm

False Alarm

False Alarm!

I went to the library.

There was a huge crowd outside.

The fire alarm was going off, and the building was being evacuated.

The librarian assured everyone that it was a false alarm.

A small child had pulled the knob.

However, I heard sirens in the distance.

Apparently the fire department had to come and turn the alarm off.

They also had to inspect the building to verify that there really was no fire.

After an eternity of very, very, very loud noises, they were ready to turn off the alarm.

But no one had the proper key.

After they found the key, they discovered that no one had the password.

I thought it was funny.

The librarian was not amused.

The firefighters were not amused.

The father of the little boy was really not amused.

The kid was only about two or three, and he was bawling.

The firefighters were kind to him and gave him some stickers.

I hope the family doesn’t get fined.

But even if they do, the kid’s wedding speech is practically writing itself.

This false alarm might be worth the fine.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Categories
Lifestyle

This Will Be Funny Later. It’s Certainly Not Funny Right Now.

This will be funny later

This Will Be Funny Later

This will be funny later.  

Maybe  

I had a busy day scheduled.  

But we were out of groceries.  

I got up early to do a grocery run before I started work.  

As I pulled out of the garage, my garage door opener fell apart in my hands.  

I just changed the battery last week.

That was probably the last straw in the holding-it-together department.

I repaired it with some electrical tape.  

And I was on my way.  

But then my phone stand fell down.  

It’s really easy to screw back together.  

But with my hand injury, my thumb won’t bend.  

This is the moment when I realized just how important those opposable thumbs really are.  

Well I did it.  

It took some time and several F-bombs.  

But I eventually got the phone stand put back together.  

Then I noticed that the hazard lights were on.  

I must have pushed the button while I was fixing the phone stand.  

Where the heck is the hazard light button?  

It’s a new car, and I haven’t used this feature yet.  

I looked, and looked, and looked, and I couldn’t find that stupid red triangle button anywhere.  

So I called Bob.  

He was in the house just 20 feet away from me.  

He would know what to do.  

But my Bluetooth wouldn’t connect the call.  

I was told to input my password.  

My password?  

What password?  

Finally, I just got out of the car and yelled.  

Bob came to my rescue.  

Laughing at me, of course.  

The hazard light button was hidden behind my phone stand.  

Problem solved.  

And the Bluetooth problem fixed itself immediately the minute he sat in the car.  

What the heck?  

Did Bluetooth really just need my husband’s approval before it would start to work?  

Annoyed, I set off for the grocery story.  

Only to realize that it’s the first day of school.  

Traffic was a nightmare.  

Crap.  

Maybe this early-morning grocery run wasn’t such a good idea.  

There was so much traffic that I didn’t even have room to turn around and go home.  

And then a train came by to hold up the already-congested traffic.

While I was waiting for the train, my check-tire-pressure light came on.

I already know the tire pressure is fine.  

It’s a sensor problem.  

A problem which I thought was fixed last week, but apparently it isn’t fixed after all.  

This will be funny later.  

Maybe.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

About Me

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Categories
Family

The Right Hook That Taught My Son A Valuable Life Lesson

Right Hook

Right Hook

That Right Hook

When the Grown Son was little, he loved to jump out and scare me.

It was adorable when he was tiny.

But it got gradually more and more annoying as he grew older.

It culminated in one disastrous evening when he was 12.

He hid, ninja style, in the hall closet, waiting for just the right moment to jump out.

He was quiet, he was stealthy, and he was as devious as only an adolescent boy can be.

Finally, he pounced.

And scared the living **** out of me.

I screamed.

And instinctively threw a right hook.

When I saw what I had done, I burst out crying.

Because I hit my baby.

Hard.

I started yelling at him through my tears.

“Quit scaring me!”

Bob ran in to investigate the commotion.

I was bawling and yelling.

The Kid was still reeling from that right hook.

Bob laughed so hard he cried.

He told The Kid that’s what he gets for jumping out at me.

That was the last time my son did that.

Lesson learned.

He thinks it’s hilarious, now, to reference, “that time you punched me.”

Yeah, nah, it’s still not funny.

Well, maybe it’s a little bit funny.

OK, I’ll agree that it’s a lot funny, but he has to promise to never scare me again.

And never tell anyone that I punched him.

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Categories
Lifestyle

This Story Won’t Get Posted Until Everyone Thinks It’s Funny

It's Not Funny

It’s not funny.

It’s been a crazy awful week in my household.

One disaster is happening right after another.

Just when I think the bad luck is over, another awful thing happens.

Like the song says, sometimes you’re the windshield and sometimes you’re the bug.

This week, I’m the bug.

There’s nothing to do but take a deep breath and figure it all out.

“Are you going to post a story about this?” a friend asked.

Nope.

It’s not funny.

Although now that I think about it, maybe it’s a little bit funny.

In a grim, twisted, gallows-humor sort of way.

Yeah, I’ll write that piece.

I won’t post it, though, until the other characters in the story approve.

Yeah, I have a warped sense of humor.

But I also have standards.