Categories
humor memoir storytelling

The Greatest Road Closure Ever

The greatest road closure ever

THE GREATEST ROAD CLOSURE EVER

We wanted to drive down the Million Dollar Highway.

The starting point is in the tiny town of Ouray, Colorado.

We arrived just after 8:00 am.

Unfortunately, access to the highway was closed from 8:00 to noon for work on the power lines.

We had a couple of hours to kill.

Ouray has hot springs we could have soaked in.

But they weren’t open to the public that early in the morning.

They also have ATVs to rent to explore the countryside.

But they also weren’t available that early in the morning.

We decided to go for a hike.

There’s a river and a waterfall, and you can hike to the top of the canyon to look down on it.

Off we went.

At the very, very, very top, there’s a bridge that you can walk on to cross the gorge.

It’s metal with an open weave so that you can see the view while you cross.

“We don’t have to do this,” Bob said kindly.

He knows I’m afraid of heights.

“I didn’t climb all the way up here to not cross that bridge,” I said, “I’m doing it.”

Setting my eyes on a spot on the other side, I plowed forward, refusing to look out or down.

I made it!

Bob laughed and said that now I have to go back.

Again, I set my eyes on a spot on the other side and plowed forward, refusing to look out or down.

I’m not sure, but I think I may have died of fright just a little bit.

A few other hikers had approached the bridge by that time.

“Don’t mind me,” I said to them, slightly crazed with fear, “I’m terrified of heights.”

They all cheered because I did it anyway.

I now have some new best friends.

It was the greatest road closure ever.

Categories
humor lifestyle storytelling

Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives

Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives

Whenever we travel, we like to eat at a Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives place.

It’s always good.

This time we ate at Norton’s in Santa Barbara.

They are famous for their pastrami.

It was delicious.

We ate at another Triple-D place in Santa Fe called Tune Up.

We sat on the patio and ate chilis rellenos.

It was also delicious.

We have never been disappointed with a Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives place.

Categories
humor memoir storytelling

I’m Home

I'm home

I’M HOME

I’m home from my vacation.

Oh, I needed that break.

I (almost) completely unplugged.

I did very little social media or email or texting.

I still used my electronics, of course.

I read three ebooks and listened to two audiobooks.

I visited family and friends and spent time in my hometown at the beach.

Then we road-tripped back from California through Arizona, Utah, Colorado, New Mexico and finally home to Texas.

More stories about the trip will follow.

Right now, I need to go wash all of the bug death off of my car.

Categories
family humor storytelling

A Dangerous Game of Jenga

A dangerous game of Jenga

A DANGEROUS GAME OF JENGA

Am I the only one who cleans the house before I go on a trip?

My kids think I’m nuts.

But I know that I will be tired and most likely cranky when I come home.

I will want clean bathrooms and clean sheets.

And food stocked up so I won’t have to rush off to the grocery store.

I warned the Grown Sons that I expect the house to be clean when I get home.

Last time I went away they did a pretty good job.

Except for the dish drainer.

They had washed their dishes, but they didn’t put anything away.

They were each terrified that they might accidentally put away their brother’s things.

God forbid.

It was a dangerous game of Jenga that they were playing.

One more spoon might have resulted in disaster.

I got home just in the nick of time.

I may insist on some Facetime calls with the dish drainer while I’m gone.

Just to be on the safe side.

Categories
humor lifestyle storytelling

Roundabouts

Roundabouts

I hate roundabouts.

I especially hate two-lane roundabouts.

They’re the stuff that nightmares are made of.

The cars inside the circle have the right of way.

The cars entering the circle have to yield.

Everyone knows this except the guy in the enormous work truck in the left lane next to me.

He got tired of waiting, so he simply blustered into the circle.

The cars inside had to screech to a halt.

The second enormous work truck behind the first one stupidly followed his colleague.

The work trucks blocked the view, so the cars behind couldn’t see what was happening.

Everyone honked and yelled.

If the left lane is moving, why is the right lane standing still?

Well, because I don’t want to die, that’s why.

Someone is going to plow into somebody else, and I don’t want to be in the middle of it.

Eventually, the traffic jam eased.

The drivers that got cut off cursed and flipped off the offenders.

I survived another roundabout.

Yay.

Categories
humor lifestyle storytelling

The Grunion Run

The Grunion Run

THE GRUNION RUN

I told some of my Texas friends about the grunion run.

They burst out laughing.

They thought it was a joke.

Like a snipe hunt.

I assured them it was real.

I Googled it, and I showed them pictures and schedules.

They still think it’s a joke.

Whatever.

It’s a Ventura thing.

When ya know, ya know.

Categories
humor lifestyle storytelling

Dueling Banjoes

Dueling Banjoes

DUELING BANJOES

I went to a gathering at a home way out in the country.

It took me forever to get there.

Google maps kept taking me from one pitted dirt road to another pitted dirt road.

Each one was narrower and more overgrown than the next.

I was a little nervous.

Finally, I found the house.

It was a lovely, bucolic, relaxing country venue.

It was worth the drive.

Until it was time to go home.

The drive back was freaking scary in the dark.

Especially because I was alone.

I swear I could hear Dueling Banjoes in the air.

However, I did make it home in one piece.

Perhaps I might have over-reacted just a teeny, tiny, itsy-bitsy, little bit.

Categories
dog lifestyle storytelling

National Dog Day

National Dog Day

NATIONAL DOG DAY

It’s National Dog Day.

I miss my Wrigley.

I miss her at the crack of dawn.

She always did a happy dance at breakfast time.

I miss her reigning on her throne.

It was a corner of the couch.

From that vantage point she could watch the front door.

For intruders.

And she could also watch the kitchen.

For crumbs.

She could rule over her queendom without having to actually make any effort.

It was an impressive act of laziness.

Every time anyone walked by her sofa, she expected a cuddle.

She always got it.

The standards have been set.

When I am an old lady, I want to reign just like Wrigley.

Categories
humor lifestyle storytelling

Corn. Seriously?

Corn. Seriously?

CORN. SERIOUSLY?

I saw one of those word search puzzles.

It said that the first word I read was my heart’s desire.

I saw “corn.”

Well that’s a huge disappointment.

Fortune or True Love might have been more inspiring.

On the other hand, I do like corn.

Corn on the cob, corn bread, corn chowder, corn pudding, corn tortillas.

It’s all good.

And it’s certainly an achievable goal.

So yeah, I guess now I’ve got corn to look forward to.

Categories
humor lifestyle storytelling

Broken Glass

Broken glass

BROKEN GLASS

I’m the only one who drinks wine in my family.

I have a nice set of wine glasses that I use for company.

But for myself, I have a casual set that I got for my 26th birthday.

When we moved, I was down to three glasses.

Then I was down to two.

Now, one.

It was in the dish drainer.

And then it was on the floor in a zillion pieces.

When the last one breaks, it will symbolize the end of my youth.

I need to be careful with it.

Meanwhile, while I was unloading the dishwasher this morning, I knocked the sugar bowl off the counter.

Who knew that one small glass bowl could burst into so many glass shards?

I bet if I put them back together, I could get two or even three sugar bowls out of the debris.

What’s up with all this broken glass?

I never break stuff.

And now I’ve broken two things in one week.

Maybe I need to relax with a glass of wine.

Or maybe I need to stop relaxing with a glass of wine.

One of them is probably right.