Categories
family humor storytelling

Sticker Shock At The Grocery Store

Sticker shock at the grocery store

What is up with the outrageous sticker shock at the grocery store? The Grown Son is not going to get his Buffalo chicken wings for dinner.

What is up with the outrageous sticker shock at the grocery store?

The post-surgical Grown Son requested Buffalo chicken wings for dinner.

He’s not going to get it.

Not at that price.

What is going on?

Prices are outrageous.

The produce looks terrible.

And there are a lot of items out of stock.

The Grown Son is not going to get Buffalo chicken wings for dinner.

He will get Buffalo chicken drumsticks.

If he doesn’t like it, he can go shopping and pay for those overpriced wings himself.

Sheesh!

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Categories
dog humor storytelling

It’s 19 Degrees This Morning

19 degrees

It’s 19 Degrees This Morning – Please Bring Your Pets Inside!

It’s 19 degrees this morning.

Everyone is being urged to bring their pets inside.

That’s very good advice.

But my dog doesn’t seem to care.

Blue is outside in the bitter cold stalking the woodpile.

There must be a rabbit out there.

Or maybe a ratsicle.

I was going to give her five more minutes.

But she came inside on her own.

I guess it’s too cold even for her.

The lure of the warm house was stronger than the lure of the bunny.

At least for today.

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Categories
family humor storytelling

How To Survive Those Postop Days In One Stupidly Easy Step

How to survive those postop days in one stupidly easy step.

Those Pills kept the patient and the caregiver very, very happy!

It was a stupidly easy solution.

The Grown Son did very well post operatively.

He was on a lot of pain pills.

We spent several lovely days binging The Wire.

However, it’s time to start cutting back on the medications.

Now he is cranky.

Very cranky.

Those pills killed both of our problems.

I’m going to miss that peaceful, post-surgical mood.

Those pain pills were a stupidly easy solution to all kinds of problems.

Now I need to get him well enough to get his cranky a$$ back to his own apartment.

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Categories
family humor storytelling

It’s A Super Easy Solution For How To Pass The Buck!

A super easy solution.

It’s a super easy solution! Just get your family to do your dirty work for you. All you have to do is scold them when they’re done.

I bought a roll of plastic wrap.

I hardly ever use it.

It’s a very wasteful product.

This one box should last me several years.

Unless I just chuck it now.

The package is wonky.

There were only a couple of boxes left in the store.

And they were all crushed.

I had no choice but to buy a bent box.

Every time I use it, the whole roll pops out and gets twisted.

I’m tempted to chuck the entire thing into the garbage.

But I can’t because that would be very wasteful.

I’m hoping that one of my guys will lose their temper and throw it out.

That would spare me the personal guilt of being wasteful.

It would also spare me the aggravation of the wonky plastic wrap box.

As an additional delightful bonus, I could scold them on the sins being wasteful.

Of course, I will wait until after trash day to deliver that sanctimonious reprimand.

Now we wait.

It’s a super easy solution!

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Categories
dog humor storytelling

I Got Played By The Dog.

I got played by the dog.

I Got Played By the Dog. Seriously? I Thought I Was Smarter Than That.

I got played by the dog.

Blue has been with us for two months.

She is settling in nicely.

Last night, at about 5:00, she did a happy dance by her bowl.

It was time for dinner.

She ate voraciously, as if she hadn’t been fed in a week.

Soon after she finished eating, Bob walked in and said, “I already fed her.”

Seriously?

I got played by the dog.

She manipulated Second Dinner out of me.

I sat her down and explained that she will destroy her girlish figure if she keeps this up.

She just smiled and wagged.

She has no regrets.

She’ll do it again if she gets the chance.

She won’t get the chance.

I’m on to her now.

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Categories
family lifestyle storytelling

Funny Parenting Stories

Funny parenting stories

Think You’ve Heard All of the Funny Parenting Stories?

Think you’ve heard all of the funny parenting stories?

Here’s one about lice.

Ick.

Someone was recently speaking about it, and it made me laugh.

One of my kids brought home lice once.

It was awful.

But I have boys, so it was pretty easy to get rid of it.

I shaved their heads.

My older boy has very dark hair, so even with a buzz cut he had a dark cap.

My little guy was blond back in the day.

He looked goofy with a shaved head, but he didn’t care.

I told him that he doesn’t need to discuss the lice with his kindergarten class.

It’s nothing to be ashamed of.

It’s just private.

He had to be inspected by the school nurse before he was allowed back in class.

Of course, that meant that we were late.

He made a Grand Entrance into his classroom and declared loudly, “I have lice!”

So much for discretion.

All the kids oohed and aahed.

By the end of the day, all the kids wanted to have lice.

They all wanted a buzz cut too.

Even the girls.

Yep, the kid was a trendsetter, even back in kindergarten.

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Categories
diabetes humor storytelling

A Type One Diabetes Mom

The fun never stops for a type one diabetes mom

Seriously? The fun never stops for a Type One Diabetes Mom.

Seriously? The fun never stops for a type one diabetes mom. Someone needs to think ahead, and it looks like it’s got to be me.

I thought I knew it all about being a Type One Diabetes Mom.

Apparently, I still have some lessons to learn.

Last night I learned that I need to hide some glucose tablets.

I know, I know, it seems counterintuitive to hide this lifesaving measure from the very people who need it the most.

But hear me out.

I have told both Grown Sons, over and over and over, to stay ahead of their diabetes supplies.

If they are prepared, they will never run out.

“Mom I need a glucose tablet,” one of them bellowed late last night.

“I just bought you some.”

“Well, I’m out.”

Seriously? Does he eat them like candy? How can he be out already?

I asked the other Grown Son for a glucose tablet.

He was also out.

This one seems to eat them like candy too.

Neither of them gave any thought to replenishing their supplies.

I had some marshmallows in the pantry, so the problem was solved.

Today I bought a new supply of glucose tablets.

I gave a stack to each Grown Son.

I kept some for myself and hid them.

Someone needs to think ahead.

And it’s probably not going to be either one of them.

Seriously. The fun never stops for a Type One Diabetes Mom.

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Categories
humor lifestyle storytelling

No Gluten-Free Humor in A Gluten-Free Diet

No gluten-free humor in a gluten-free diet

NO GLUTEN-FREE HUMOR IN A GLUTEN-FREE DIET

There is no gluten-free humor in this gluten-free experiment that I am conducting

Not one bit.

I don’t mind cutting back.

But I’m not at all happy about cutting it out entirely.

I found a GF bread at Costco that’s not so bad.

There are several GF pastas that are good.

I’m rocking that parmesan risotto.

But some recipes just don’t work with substitutes.

I made some ham and cheese crepes with the Thanksgiving leftovers.

I used gluten-free flour.

Every single crepe tore and shredded.

I tried another batch with a thicker batter, but they still shredded up.

I tried a third batch with regular wheat flour, and they cooked up perfectly.

I am happy to be extremely gluten reduced.

But I just can’t eat totally gluten free.

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Categories
dog humor storytelling

The Rabbits Have Been Warned!

There's a new good girl in town.

THERE’S A NEW GOOD GIRL IN TOWN. THE RABBITS HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Wrigley was a good girl.

She was The Best Dog Ever.

But she was a terrible hunter.

Her life was spent chasing rabbits and squirrels and cats and birds.

She never once caught anything.

On a few occasions, she cornered a critter.

But it always got away.

Blue, on the other hand, has proven herself to be quite a hunter.

This weekend, she killed her first rabbit.

Ewww.

Don’t get me wrong, I hate rabbits.

They’re destructive, evil garden wreckers disguised as adorable, fluffy Disney characters.

I don’t want the rabbits killed.

I just want them chased away.

Blue didn’t get that message.

She killed it.

Thankfully she didn’t know what to do with it once she broke its neck.

It was not as gross of an ordeal as it could have been.

I’m kind of horrified.

The Grown Son is proud.

The rabbits have been warned.

There’s a new good girl in town.

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Categories
dog humor storytelling

Did We Learn Anything?

Did we learn anything?

DID WE LEARN ANY MEANINGFUL LESSONS FROM THIS ILL-ADVISED INCIDENT?

Wrigley was the Best Dog Ever.

She was the Best Dog Ever, but she wasn’t perfect.

She refused to play with toys.

She was very cute, and she was very snuggly, but she never once played ball.

Now we have Blue.

The Grown Son is thrilled that Blue loves to play fetch.

She is also learning to play tug-of-war with her rope toy.

At first, she would give it up easily when we tugged on it.

Now she is learning about the fun of hanging on.

Last night the Grown Son pulled a prank on Blue.

He snuck down the darkened hallway and jumped out at her.

Oh goodness, that was an ill-advised incident.

It did not end well.

Blue was so surprised that she peed herself.

The Grown Son spent the rest of the evening snuggling her to apologize.

He couldn’t stop laughing about her reaction, but he felt horrible about scaring her.

Lesson learned – Blue is not ready for pranks.

Lesson learned – The person who scares the pee out of the dog has to clean it up.

Lesson learned – Blue forgave the Grown Son and all is well.

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