Categories
family humor storytelling

A Dangerous Game of Jenga

A dangerous game of Jenga

A DANGEROUS GAME OF JENGA

Am I the only one who cleans the house before I go on a trip?

My kids think I’m nuts.

But I know that I will be tired and most likely cranky when I come home.

I will want clean bathrooms and clean sheets.

And food stocked up so I won’t have to rush off to the grocery store.

I warned the Grown Sons that I expect the house to be clean when I get home.

Last time I went away they did a pretty good job.

Except for the dish drainer.

They had washed their dishes, but they didn’t put anything away.

They were each terrified that they might accidentally put away their brother’s things.

God forbid.

It was a dangerous game of Jenga that they were playing.

One more spoon might have resulted in disaster.

I got home just in the nick of time.

I may insist on some Facetime calls with the dish drainer while I’m gone.

Just to be on the safe side.

Categories
family humor storytelling

Too Much Work

Too much work

TOO MUCH WORK

Vacation preparations are underway.

The Grown Sons will be house sitting.

I have given instructions on the sprinklers, trash day, and bringing in the mail.

They are outraged.

This is too much to ask.

Considering that they work.

Who has time for all of this?

I laughed and laughed and laughed.

And laughed some more.

And continued preparing food to leave in the freezer for them to eat in my absence.

Too much work indeed.

Categories
dog family storytelling

Good Girl, Wrigley

Good girl, Wrigley

GOOD GIRL, WRIGLEY

Wrigley.

August 3, 2005 – August 3, 2021.

Well, we aren’t really sure about her birthdate.

We rescued her on August 3, 2006, and she was about a year old, so we assigned her the birthdate.

The boys were little, and birthdays were important.

Wrigley has been with us for 15 years.

She has seen us through a lot of hard times.

She comforted both of our mothers during their final illnesses.

And she consoled the family after each loss.

She saw the boys through their teen years.

And she helped each of the boys, in turn, adjust to their T1 diabetes diagnosis.

She was the anchor in our family, and now she is gone.

The house feels adrift and bleak without her in it.

We rescued her, but I think that she really rescued us.

Good girl, Wrigley, good girl.

Categories
family humor storytelling

A Scathing Insult

A scathing insult

A SCATHING INSULT

The Grown Son has been on a roll.

An obnoxious, foul-tempered, door-slamming roll.

I finally had enough.

“Don’t be such a little d**k,” I snarled.

He was shocked.

I don’t know what insulted him more.

The “little,” or the “d**k,” or the fact that these particular words came from his mother.

He reined it in.

But he was still mad.

For several days.

This morning, however, he took the garbage out without being asked, and he graced me with a smile.

This just goes to show that sometimes nothing is quite as effective as a scathing insult.

Categories
dog family storytelling

National Best Friends Day

National Best Friends Day

Today is National Best Friends Day.

That means it’s a day to celebrate Wrigley.

Wrigley is the Best Friend Ever.

I know I’ve said that about every dog I’ve ever had, but this time it’s true.

Wrigley doesn’t bark, she doesn’t chew, and she doesn’t dig.

And she doesn’t shed.

She does snuggle, and she’s very, very, very cute and sweet.

She’s also very chill.

She loves a walk, but if you don’t have time, she’s just as happy to take a nap.

The downside is that she’s not a very good watchdog.

“Take whatever you want but please be quiet because I’m trying to sleep,” is what I imagine she would say to any bad guys.

It’s a good thing we’ve never had to test that out.

Happy National Best Friends Day Wrigley!

Categories
family humor storytelling

Your Camera Sucks

Your camera sucks

YOUR CAMERA SUCKS

I bought a green screen that attaches to the back of the chair.

I had nothing but problems.

I watched some YouTube videos and fixed most of the issues.

But I couldn’t get my camera settings adjusted properly.

I called the Grown Son in for assistance.

He was very helpful.

Not.

“Your camera sucks,” was his assessment.

Is there a YouTube video for that?

Categories
family humor storytelling

Maybe Next Time, Kid

Maybe next time, Kid

MAYBE NEXT TIME, KID

The Grown Son had a weird lesion on the back of his head.

I sent him to the dermatologist.

The doctor shaved a patch of his head to treat the area.

The Grown Son didn’t like the weird shaved bit so he give himself a buzz cut to even it out.

That’s when we discovered that the procedure had left a discolored spot on the back of his head.

It doesn’t hurt, and it’s getting better, so it’s all good.

It reminded me of the old Massive Headwound Harry skit on SNL.

The boys had never heard of it, so we had to watch it on YouTube.

The Grown Son was a little disappointed that his head wound isn’t nearly as impressive as Harry’s.

Maybe next time Kid, maybe next time.

Categories
family lifestyle storytelling

Happy Mother’s Day

Happy Mother's Day

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY

It’s Mother’s Day.

I miss my mom.

I miss the smell of her perfume (Bluegrass by Elizabeth Arden).

I miss her books.

She always had piles and piles of books, and I loved to rummage through them to find a new treasure.

I never left her house without an armful of new reads.

Now I have my own piles and piles of books.

But they’re mine, so I already know what’s there.

There’s no rummaging going on anymore.

She was always an early riser, and I miss waking up to the sound of her clattering around the kitchen.

It was so comforting to get out of bed to find the day already prepared.

Now I’m the first one up.

And I’m the one who has to do the preparing.

Back in the day, on Mother’s Day, we would make a nice brunch.

We would sit in the windows of our Bosch-like house, drinking coffee, reading, and watching the day and the sailboats go by.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!

Categories
family humor storytelling

I Saw It Online, It Must Be True

I saw it online, it must be true

I SAW IT ONLINE, IT MUST BE TRUE

I read that younger siblings cause older siblings to have high blood pressure.

Seriously?

I saw it on line.

It must be true.

All right already.

Sheesh.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that you think I caused your high blood pressure.

There.

Are you happy now?

Categories
family humor storytelling

It Was a Mystery

It was a mystery

IT WAS A MYSTERY

It was a mystery.

At 6:00 am, there was an enormous mess of a white powdery dust all over the kitchen floor.

It started in the pantry and trailed across the kitchen.

The trash cans were covered it in.

The laundry room had also been nailed.

It’s where we keep the cleaning supplies, and the broom and dustpan were covered in it too.

My first thought was drugs.

Yeah, I like to watch crime shows.

My head said flour.

But my heart was hoping that Lennie Briscoe would come knocking on my door.

I had two suspects.

The first Grown Son is a slob and would never clean up his own mess.

Since an attempt was made to sweep, he was eliminated as a suspect.

The second Grown Son occasionally makes a slight effort to clean up.

He got the blame.

But he vehemently denied it.

The first Grown Son was confronted.

He burst out laughing and confessed that he had knocked over the flour during a midnight snack.

I informed him that flour can’t be cleaned with a broom.

It just flies around and makes an even bigger mess.

This situation calls for the shop vac.

We’ve got our own Breaking Bad crime drama right here at home.

Or maybe not.