Mostly True Memoirs
La Cucaracha
Rumor has it that a deadly, poisonous caterpillar has invaded North Texas.
I read it online so it’s gotta be true.
Walking through the park, I kept my eyes open for danger.
I didn’t see any Killer Katerpillars.
But I did see a whole lot of grasshoppers.
Were there always so many grasshoppers?
There I was, minding my own business, trying my best to dodge any potential lethal caterpillars, when a huge, enormous, ugly grasshopper flew right at me and landed on my sleeve.
I screamed.
It was a loud, hysterical, girly, eww-a-bug scream.
And then I flicked it off.
Embarrassed, I looked around to see if anyone had witnessed my foolishness.
If my husband had seen it, he would have rolled his eyes and muttered, “Oh for **** sake,” under his breath, denying that he did, in fact, say it.
If my sons had seen it, they would have mocked me with incessant eww-a-bug screams of their own.
If my sister had seen it, she would have screamed louder than me, in which case I could have mocked her and spared my own dignity.
If a stranger had seen it, well, I don’t even want to contemplate that kind of humiliation.
Luckily, no one saw me do la cucaracha.
I’m a Texan now.
It’s time to toughen up on the bug front.
Aww, who am I kidding?
I’ll be screeching la cucaracha forever.