It’s Why I’ll Be Screeching La Cucaracha Forever

Mostly True Memoirs

La Cucaracha

Rumor has it that a deadly, poisonous caterpillar has invaded North Texas.

I read it online so it’s gotta be true.

Walking through the park, I kept my eyes open for danger.

I didn’t see any Killer Katerpillars.

But I did see a whole lot of grasshoppers.

Were there always so many grasshoppers?

I never noticed.

There I was, minding my own business, trying my best to dodge any potential lethal caterpillars, when a huge, enormous, ugly grasshopper flew right at me and landed on my sleeve.

I screamed.

It was a loud, hysterical, girly, eww-a-bug scream.

And then I flicked it off.

Embarrassed, I looked around to see if anyone had witnessed my foolishness.

If my husband had seen it, he would have rolled his eyes and muttered, “Oh for **** sake,” under his breath, denying that he did, in fact, say it.

If my sons had seen it, they would have mocked me with incessant eww-a-bug screams of their own.

If my sister had seen it, she would have screamed louder than me, in which case I could have mocked her and spared my own dignity.

If a stranger had seen it, well, I don’t even want to contemplate that kind of humiliation.

Luckily, no one saw me do la cucaracha.

I’m a Texan now.

It’s time to toughen up on the bug front.

Aww, who am I kidding?

I’ll be screeching la cucaracha forever.

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