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Seriously? A New Breed of Giant Mutant Spiders?

Spiders? Eww.

Spiders?

Eww.

I’ll have to move out of my house.

I found, in our garden shed, a large pile of unidentified poop.

It’s not mice.

Mice scat is the size of uncooked grains of rice.

It’s not rats.

Rat scat is the size of cooked grains of rice.

I have no idea what the creature was, or, more importantly, how it got in the shed.

All I know is that it’s bigger than a rat.

Much, much bigger.

My whole family thinks this is hilarious.

The grown sons are each blaming each other.

Bob claims to have made a Bigfoot sighting.

They are all telling wild tales of a new breed of giant mutant spiders.

For the record, none of them are as funny as they think they are.

In fact, they’re not funny at all.

What if it IS a new breed of giant mutant spiders?

This situation calls for Cri Man Squa, F and C, double time.

If you’re an Office fan, you’ll understand.

Although now that I think about it, it could have been Packer.

Should I be worried?

What’s worse?

A new breed of giant mutant spiders?

Or a special delivery from the Packman?

Eww.

It doesn’t matter.

I’m moving out.

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Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

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Especially you.

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Categories
Lifestyle

Spiders – Ewww. It’s that time of year again.

Spiders - Ewww

Spiders – Eww

Spiders – ewww.

On a walk through the park this morning, I stopped short.

Right there on the walking path was an enormous, hairy, mouse-sized spider.

I guess it was freaked out too because it was laid out flat and frozen in fear.

Like a deer in the headlights.

Taking a very, very wide berth, I simply carried on.

And then I stopped short again.

There was another one.

This one was standing tall on its long, creepy, spindly legs, ready to pounce.

Ewww.

I imagined they were planning to tag-team me, with one of them providing a distraction to let the other one attack.

I hobbled away as fast as my postop knee would carry me.

Which wasn’t fast at all.

I took another lap around the park.

The next time around, the massive spider troublemakers were gone.

Which is worse?

Seeing the freaky, creepy, icky Halloween spiders?

Or not seeing them?

But knowing they’re lurking nearby…

This is exactly why I don’t pose for pictures in the flower fields.

Spiders – ewww.

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