The Grammar Police is Watching!

Mostly True Memoirs

The Grammar Police Is Watching!

The Grammar Police is Watching!

I hate the grammar police.

I know, I’m an editor.

I’m supposed to correct grammar.

But I don’t.

Unless I’m working.

Correcting other people is obnoxious.

Especially on social media because it’s so easy to make a typo.

I do it myself often enough.

I try to be very forgiving.

But sometimes

I saw a St. Patrick’s Day post from a public service agency.

It urged the public to “Drink Responsively.”


That post caused me physical pain.

Responsive drinking is just another name for peer pressure.

It means the exact opposite of what they were trying to say.

Responsibly is the right word.

Drink Responsibly is what that post should have said.

OK, I got that out of my system.

I need a green St. Patrick’s Day beer.

I’ll drink it responsibly.


An Oldie But Goodie

Mostly True Memoirs

An Oldie but Goodie

Today is a good day to revisit this particular story.

An oldie but goodie. I’m busy taking a class, and I haven’t had time to write new posts. Today is a good day to revisit this particular story.

An Oldie But Goodie

This morning I came downstairs to discover that Bob had made coffee with a paper towel as a filter.

Apparently, we are out of coffee filters.

How can that be?

I just bought a package of filters.

I suspect that they disappeared into some sort of motorcycle repair project.

That’s where all our missing household supplies end up.

I wondered if the coffee might be poisoned by the toxic, non-food-grade paper towel.


I drank it anyway.

Beware the Ides of March.

If it’s not a stabbing, it’s a poisoning.

Et tu, Bob?


It’s A Super Easy Solution For How To Pass The Buck!

Mostly True Memoirs

A super easy solution.

It’s a super easy solution! Just get your family to do your dirty work for you. All you have to do is scold them when they’re done.

I bought a roll of plastic wrap.

I hardly ever use it.

It’s a very wasteful product.

This one box should last me several years.

Unless I just chuck it now.

The package is wonky.

There were only a couple of boxes left in the store.

And they were all crushed.

I had no choice but to buy a bent box.

Every time I use it, the whole roll pops out and gets twisted.

I’m tempted to chuck the entire thing into the garbage.

But I can’t because that would be very wasteful.

I’m hoping that one of my guys will lose their temper and throw it out.

That would spare me the personal guilt of being wasteful.

It would also spare me the aggravation of the wonky plastic wrap box.

As an additional delightful bonus, I could scold them on the sins being wasteful.

Of course, I will wait until after trash day to deliver that sanctimonious reprimand.

Now we wait.

It’s a super easy solution!


Funny Parenting Stories

Mostly True Memoirs

Mostly True Memoirs

Funny parenting stories

Think You’ve Heard All of the Funny Parenting Stories?

Think you’ve heard all of the funny parenting stories?

Here’s one about lice.


Someone was recently speaking about it, and it made me laugh.

One of my kids brought home lice once.

It was awful.

But I have boys, so it was pretty easy to get rid of it.

I shaved their heads.

My older boy has very dark hair, so even with a buzz cut he had a dark cap.

My little guy was blond back in the day.

He looked goofy with a shaved head, but he didn’t care.

I told him that he doesn’t need to discuss the lice with his kindergarten class.

It’s nothing to be ashamed of.

It’s just private.

He had to be inspected by the school nurse before he was allowed back in class.

Of course, that meant that we were late.

He made a Grand Entrance into his classroom and declared loudly, “I have lice!”

So much for discretion.

All the kids oohed and aahed.

By the end of the day, all the kids wanted to have lice.

They all wanted a buzz cut too.

Even the girls.

Yep, the kid was a trendsetter, even back in kindergarten.


Dueling Banjoes

Mostly True Memoirs

Dueling Banjoes


I went to a gathering at a home way out in the country.

It took me forever to get there.

Google maps kept taking me from one pitted dirt road to another pitted dirt road.

Each one was narrower and more overgrown than the next.

I was a little nervous.

Finally, I found the house.

It was a lovely, bucolic, relaxing country venue.

It was worth the drive.

Until it was time to go home.

The drive back was freaking scary in the dark.

Especially because I was alone.

I swear I could hear Dueling Banjoes in the air.

However, I did make it home in one piece.

Perhaps I might have over-reacted just a teeny, tiny, itsy-bitsy, little bit.


Hatch Chiles

Mostly True Memoirs

Hatch chiles

I bought a big bag of Hatch chiles.

I chopped one chile up and sauteed it with some onions to eat in a chicken dish.

It was quite tasty, but I couldn’t figure out what the all the fuss is about Hatch chiles.

Until I roasted the rest of them.

Roasting, apparently, stimulates their inner Satan.

I discovered a tiny cut on one hand that I didn’t even know was there.

Violent cursing may or may not have ensued.

I made a big batch of salsa with the roasted chiles.

It is very tasty, but quite hot.

I’m going to have to make some chilaquiles.

Everyone knows that chilaquiles with green sauce is the BEST.


Being Hot Never Hurts

Mostly True Memoirs

Being hot never hurts


Whoo – it is hot out!

Well, it’s August, it’s to be expected.

It’s hot, it’s humid, its stifling, it’s awful.

But it’s OK.

I just try to keep Debbie Harry’s profound words of wisdom in mind.

“Being hot never hurts.”


Corn. Seriously?

Mostly True Memoirs

Corn. Seriously?


I saw one of those word search puzzles.

It said that the first word I read was my heart’s desire.

I saw “corn.”

Well that’s a huge disappointment.

Fortune or True Love might have been more inspiring.

On the other hand, I do like corn.

Corn on the cob, corn bread, corn chowder, corn pudding, corn tortillas.

It’s all good.

And it’s certainly an achievable goal.

So yeah, I guess now I’ve got corn to look forward to.

Lifestyle Work

A Larry McMurtry Tribute

Mostly True Memoirs

A Larry McMurtry tribute


The Modern Art Museum is hosting a Larry McMurtry tribute all month.

They’re showing the movies and hosting a discussion.

This weekend, we went to see The Last Picture Show.

I loved the book, but I had never seen the movie.

I’m glad I went.

The movie was very true to the book.

At home I tried to watch Texasville, which is the sequel.

But I couldn’t find the movie streaming anywhere.

I watched Hud instead.

The film strayed from the book, but it was still a great movie.

McMurtry’s books were very controversial when they were first published.

My mother used to hide them.

I’m not sure if she hid them from me or if she hid them for me.

I always found them and read them.

I’m certain she knew.

She would have loved this McMurty tribute.


Good For The Soul

Mostly True Memoirs

Good for the soul

My mother always said that cleaning the house is good for the soul.

She was right.

Cleaning the cobwebs out of the corners also clears the cobwebs out of your head.

And your heart.

It is very good for the soul.

This week I have mopped floors, cleaned rugs, organized cabinets and done a lot of yard work.

Losing my dog still hurts.

Staying busy has helped.

I’m on a waiting list at several rescue facilities.

We’ll have a new pup soon enough.

The Grown Sons have assured me that the new dog will only be second best.

No dog could ever live up to Wrigley’s standards.

They say that now.

Soon enough, the new dog will be the Best Dog Ever.

In its own way.