Categories
Writing Your Life Story

The Most Reliable Way to Haunt Your Blackberries

Haunted blackberries

I have a huge blackberry vine.

I love the fresh berries.

Last year, the birds got to it.

They cleaned out the entire vine.

I didn’t get a single blackberry.

And I was furious.

This year, I netted the vine.

And it seems to be working.

The vine flowered.

Tiny berries appeared everywhere.

I went outside to harvest the first ripe blackberries.

I was excited.

Until I saw it.

Something tangled in the net.

What in the world is THAT?

I screamed.

Bob came running outside.

Then he laughed.

And laughed.

And laughed.

Despite the fact that this was absolutely NOT funny.

What was it?

A dead, mummified lizard.

Apparently, the poor little guy got tangled in the net…

And then slow-roasted in the afternoon sun.

Bob grabbed scissors, cut him loose, and tossed him in the garbage.

As if that solved everything.

But I’m not convinced.

What if the blackberries are haunted now?

What if the Evil Spirit of the Angry Lizard Mummy has cursed the vine?

Because honestly?

If I got trapped in a net and baked alive in the Texas heat…

I’d haunt somebody too.

Bob says he doesn’t care.

He plans to eat the berries anyway.

And unfortunately…

I kind of agree with him.

I do love fresh blackberries.

Still…

I’ll probably eat them very carefully.

Just in case…

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Categories
Writing Your Life Story

Why I Didn’t Get A New Pair of Flip FLops

Flip Flops

It’s mid-May.

The weather is warming up.

Summer’s almost here.

And every store has flip flops on display.

I saw some I liked.

On sale.

In several different colors.

I would have bought a pair or two.

But…

Yes, there’s a “but” in this story.

A big but.

The size 10s were on the bottom rack.

And the size 5s were WAAAAAY up high.

Seriously?

Anyone wearing a size 10 could easily reach the top shelf.

But someone wearing a size 5?

Not so much.

At the end of the season, they’re going to wonder why the smaller sizes didn’t sell.

Maybe they’ll stop carrying small sizes altogether because “there’s no demand.”

Well duh.

They should put the big sizes on the top shelves.

And keep the small sizes down low where people like me can actually reach them.

Otherwise, in drug stores across the country, you’ll see petite women staring longingly at flip flops that they cannot buy.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

This post might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

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Categories
Dog Writing Your Life Story

Why A Dog Barking Caused Pre-Dawn Panic

All. Night. Long. The Story of a Dog Barking.

All. Night. Long.

A dog was barking.

I was exhausted. Irritated. Sleep deprived.

At 5:00 a.m., I had a horrifying thought…

Where’s Blue?

What if it’s MY dog?

What if I’ve been the cause of the all-night mayhem?

Cue panic.

Cue guilt.

Cue me sprinting to the back door like a terrible pet owner in a redemption arc.

I whistled.

Blue came cheerfully trotting in…

from another room in the house.

Not my dog barking.

Whew!

Instant relief.
Total forgiveness.
Inner peace.

…although at 10:00 a.m. that freaking dog was STILL barking.

My compassion comes with a very limited warranty.

Your move. What’s your version of the barking dog?

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

This post might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

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Categories
Writing Your Life Story

Why I Got Carded, And Why It Made Me Happy

I Got Carded

It’s been years.

But today I got carded.

Someone actually asked to see my ID.

They couldn’t believe I was of age.

Well… not that kind of “of age.”

They were making sure I qualified for the senior discount.

It was still flattering.

Sort of.

The clerk was a teenager. With braces.

But still… I got carded.

I haven’t been carded in years.

Apparently, I’ve finally reached that magical age.

The one where you need proof that you’re old enough…

Again.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

This post might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

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