Category: Writing Your Life Story

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Dog Writing Your Life Story

What In The World Happened on June 29?

June 29
June 29

Bosco, the new puppy, threw up.

That’s not particularly noteworthy.

Dogs vomit all the time.

What’s interesting is that he threw up on Monday.

Why does that matter?

Because if you’re a Seinfeld fan, you know June 29 is Jerry’s Vomit Day.

“Can you believe it? I’m vomiting on June 29 again!”

Jerry did it in 1972 and again in 1980.

Then there was the infamous black-and-white cookie incident.

Although…weren’t they wearing jackets? That couldn’t have been June 29.

Maybe that’s when Jerry’s streak finally ended.

Good thing Bosco is ready to take over.

Apparently June 29 still needs someone to vomit.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

About Me

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Writing Your Life Story

Hail To The New Puppy King!

Bosco the Rescue Puppy
Bosco the Rescue Puppy

The Grown Son adopted a shelter puppy.

And then his air conditioner died.

He and his dog have moved back home to wait out the HVAC repair and then some flooding damage repair.

This dog is adorable and sweet and smart and supposedly very easy to train.

BUT…

Yeah, there’s a but….

He’s still  just a puppy.

His name is Bosco,  but we’ve been calling him The Pee Pee King.

And a few other names that can’t be repeated.

He’s making progress with the house training.

But I still don’t trust him.

Seriously, how could anyone named The Pee Pee King be trusted?

He has stolen a ham sandwich, wrecked a window blind, destroyed a yoga mat, chewed through several leashes, and has serenaded more than one video call with separation-anxiety howing.

Today was the worst.

He was playing with something in the backyard.

I thought it was a bit of garbage.

Wrong!

It was a dead bird.

Ewwww.

I don’t know if he killed it or if he found it dead.

He’s a Bluetick Coonhound, a hunting breed, so maybe he did kill it.

Now his newest nickname is Dead Bird Breath.

Nobody was home so I had to shovel the dead bird myself.

Bosco, like Blue and Wrigley and all the family dogs before him, is destined to become the Best Dog Ever.

Just as soon as he finishes his reign as The Pee Pee King and Dead Bird Breath.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

About Me

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Writing Your Life Story

The Most Reliable Way to Haunt Your Blackberries

Haunted Blackberries
Haunted blackberries

I have a huge blackberry vine.

I love the fresh berries.

Last year, the birds got to it.

They cleaned out the entire vine.

I didn’t get a single blackberry.

And I was furious.

This year, I netted the vine.

And it seems to be working.

The vine flowered.

Tiny berries appeared everywhere.

I went outside to harvest the first ripe blackberries.

I was excited.

Until I saw it.

Something tangled in the net.

What in the world is THAT?

I screamed.

Bob came running outside.

Then he laughed.

And laughed.

And laughed.

Despite the fact that this was absolutely NOT funny.

What was it?

A dead, mummified lizard.

Apparently, the poor little guy got tangled in the net…

And then slow-roasted in the afternoon sun.

Bob grabbed scissors, cut him loose, and tossed him in the garbage.

As if that solved everything.

But I’m not convinced.

What if the blackberries are haunted now?

What if the Evil Spirit of the Angry Lizard Mummy has cursed the vine?

Because honestly?

If I got trapped in a net and baked alive in the Texas heat…

I’d haunt somebody too.

Bob says he doesn’t care.

He plans to eat the berries anyway.

And unfortunately…

I kind of agree with him.

I do love fresh blackberries.

Still…

I’ll probably eat them very carefully.

Just in case…

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

About Me

This post might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

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Writing Your Life Story

Why I Didn’t Get A New Pair of Flip FLops

Flip Flops
Flip Flops

It’s mid-May.

The weather is warming up.

Summer’s almost here.

And every store has flip flops on display.

I saw some I liked.

On sale.

In several different colors.

I would have bought a pair or two.

But…

Yes, there’s a “but” in this story.

A big but.

The size 10s were on the bottom rack.

And the size 5s were WAAAAAY up high.

Seriously?

Anyone wearing a size 10 could easily reach the top shelf.

But someone wearing a size 5?

Not so much.

At the end of the season, they’re going to wonder why the smaller sizes didn’t sell.

Maybe they’ll stop carrying small sizes altogether because “there’s no demand.”

Well duh.

They should put the big sizes on the top shelves.

And keep the small sizes down low where people like me can actually reach them.

Otherwise, in drug stores across the country, you’ll see petite women staring longingly at flip flops that they cannot buy.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

About Me

This post might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

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Dog Writing Your Life Story

Why A Dog Barking Caused Pre-Dawn Panic

All. Night. Long. The Story of a Dog Barking.
All. Night. Long. The Story of a Dog Barking.

All. Night. Long.

A dog was barking.

I was exhausted. Irritated. Sleep deprived.

At 5:00 a.m., I had a horrifying thought…

Where’s Blue?

What if it’s MY dog?

What if I’ve been the cause of the all-night mayhem?

Cue panic.

Cue guilt.

Cue me sprinting to the back door like a terrible pet owner in a redemption arc.

I whistled.

Blue came cheerfully trotting in…

from another room in the house.

Not my dog barking.

Whew!

Instant relief.
Total forgiveness.
Inner peace.

…although at 10:00 a.m. that freaking dog was STILL barking.

My compassion comes with a very limited warranty.

Your move. What’s your version of the barking dog?

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

About Me

This post might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

HOW TO WRITE ANECDOTAL HUMOR

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Writing Your Life Story

Why I Got Carded, And Why It Made Me Happy

I Got Carded
I Got Carded

It’s been years.

But today I got carded.

Someone actually asked to see my ID.

They couldn’t believe I was of age.

Well… not that kind of “of age.”

They were making sure I qualified for the senior discount.

It was still flattering.

Sort of.

The clerk was a teenager. With braces.

But still… I got carded.

I haven’t been carded in years.

Apparently, I’ve finally reached that magical age.

The one where you need proof that you’re old enough…

Again.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

About Me

This post might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

HOW TO WRITE ANECDOTAL HUMOR

IT’S YOURS! A FREE GUIDE – Four Easy Steps To Editing Your Perfect Social Media Post. All you’ve got to do is SUBSCRIBE!