Tag: blackberries

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Writing Your Life Story

The Most Reliable Way to Haunt Your Blackberries

Haunted Blackberries
Haunted blackberries

I have a huge blackberry vine.

I love the fresh berries.

Last year, the birds got to it.

They cleaned out the entire vine.

I didn’t get a single blackberry.

And I was furious.

This year, I netted the vine.

And it seems to be working.

The vine flowered.

Tiny berries appeared everywhere.

I went outside to harvest the first ripe blackberries.

I was excited.

Until I saw it.

Something tangled in the net.

What in the world is THAT?

I screamed.

Bob came running outside.

Then he laughed.

And laughed.

And laughed.

Despite the fact that this was absolutely NOT funny.

What was it?

A dead, mummified lizard.

Apparently, the poor little guy got tangled in the net…

And then slow-roasted in the afternoon sun.

Bob grabbed scissors, cut him loose, and tossed him in the garbage.

As if that solved everything.

But I’m not convinced.

What if the blackberries are haunted now?

What if the Evil Spirit of the Angry Lizard Mummy has cursed the vine?

Because honestly?

If I got trapped in a net and baked alive in the Texas heat…

I’d haunt somebody too.

Bob says he doesn’t care.

He plans to eat the berries anyway.

And unfortunately…

I kind of agree with him.

I do love fresh blackberries.

Still…

I’ll probably eat them very carefully.

Just in case…

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Lifestyle

How To Ruin Your Blackberry Harvest

It's Blackberry Season!
Blackberry season

I have a row of blackberry vines in the back yard.

Over the years, I have learned that I have to keep them trimmed back.

One small bush can produce an enormous amount of berries.

If you can’t harvest the fruit fast enough, it attracts flies.

Enormous, man-eating horseflies.

That bite.

So, yeah, I’ve got to keep those vines trimmed back.

This year, however, after I harvested my first round of berries and made one batch of blackberry jelly, the birds got to the fruit.

They picked my entire crop clean!

On the first day they got all the ripe berries.

And after that, they took the rest.

Seriously?

When the Grown Son was small, he thought we should install a scareclown in our garden.

It could throw pies at the birds.

It’s an ingenious idea; however, there might be a secondary problem with all of that pie debris.

Instead, I have tied some shiny, bird-scaring ribbon to my vines.

Hopefully I can get a second crop this summer.

Stupid birds.

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Liz Brenner

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Lifestyle

Why The Blackberries Need To Be Trimmed

Blackberries

Blackberries

Blackberries!

I was told, years ago, that I would regret planting blackberries.

Well, I don’t actually regret it.

Yet.

But holy smokes I’ve got a lot of fruit.

I still have frozen berries from last summer.

And lots of jars of jam.

And now there’s a new harvest.

This year I’m going to make juice.

From the juice I can make shaved ice.

Or pancake syrup.

Or margaritas.

And I’m going to try my hand at ice cream.

I’ll still freeze some whole berries because they are good in smoothies and pies.

After this harvest, I’m going to trim the vines down to a much smaller version of what I’ve got.

Otherwise, next summer I might literally drown in blackberries.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

About Me

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Lifestyle

I’m Afraid I’ve Created a Monster

I've created a monster

I've created a monster

Blackberries start out as a white flower.

Then they turn into green berries, and then red berries and then, finally, blackberries.

Every day I go out with a huge bowl to pick the ripe ones.

Every day there are tons and tons of red berries and green berries and white flowers waiting their turn.

I’m getting a little worried.

Is this ever going to end?

This year’s new growth, which will produce next year’s fruit, is already bigger than the established plants.

I’m afraid I’ve created a monster.

I am remembering the apple tree scene from The Wizard of Oz.

I hope my blackberries don’t rise up against me like those apple trees did.

I’ll keep the pruning shears handy just in case.