Mostly True Memoirs

Now We Wait

We are expecting a monster hailstorm.

Bob tried to put both cars in the garage.

We have a tiny garage.

With the motorcycle, a huge tool bench and the lawn mowing equipment, we don’t have room to park the cars inside.

Bob played Tetris and managed to get both cars in.

However, it was jammed so tight that he couldn’t open the door to get out of the car.

I had to open the hatch on the Expedition so he could escape.

But there was no room for the motorcycle.

I suggested that he wheel it inside the house.

We have a large entryway.

There’s room.

Besides, he once put his gas tank in the dryer.

He also cooked some engine parts in the oven and scorched my butcher block afterward.

So why not crack some tiles in the entryway?

It would match the motorcycle-distressed décor of the rest of the house.

However, our very kind neighbor offered up a bit of space in his garage.

Our entryway has been spared.

This time.

And now we wait…

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Mostly True Memoirs

How the Tables Have Turned

Holy smokes – what a rainstorm!

It’s been gray and rainy all morning, but suddenly it turned pitch dark.

The wind began to howl.

And the rain started pelting in sideways.

My little dog is freaking out.

My last dogs were German Shepherds.

They would have stood guard to protect me, barking at the storm.

But not my little Wrigley.

She is trembling in fear, burying her snout in the crook of my elbow.

Oh, how the tables have turned.

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Mostly True Memoirs

No Words

Sometimes my English students say things that are horribly rude.

Rude by American standards.

Perhaps not so rude from their own perspective…

I don’t argue values, but I sometimes mention the American point of view.

“In the US, it is not polite to call somebody fat.”

or

“In the US, it is rude to ask someone how much money they make.”

Today we were speaking about world cuisines.

One man said that he does not like hot, spicy food.

A woman mocked him, “But you’re a MAN!”

I quickly changed the subject.

What a loaded topic.

I don’t have the words to address this issue.

And I’m fluent.

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Mostly True Memoirs

Moving Day

We helped N move this weekend.

His old apartment was a run-down, crime-ridden tenement building.

In fact, while we were packing him up, the cops came several times.

Not for us, but still.

His new place is in a much nicer building.

And a much nicer neighborhood.

The new roommate is one of his best friends from high school.

He is neat, and N is a slob.

Hopefully the kid will be a good influence on our little pig-dog.

I would hate to think that our little pig-dog might be a bad influence on the roommate.

Only time will tell…

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Mostly True Memoirs

A Great Day

We saw the Cubs at the Rangers yesterday.

What an exciting game!

It was tied at 10 in the bottom of the ninth.

The Rangers got a walk-off run on a wild pitch to end the game.

It was very disappointing for us Cubs fans.

Meanwhile, the weather was a very odd factor.

It’s been kind of cool these past few days, so I wore a heavy jacket.

When we arrived, our seats were in the sun.

It was hot, so I took off my jacket.

Soon enough, however, the sun shifted.

We sat in the shade for the rest of the game.

And froze our butts off.

I zipped up my jacket, pulled on the hood, and was very glad that I found some mittens in the pockets. 

I wished I had also found a scarf and a blanket.

As the Jumbotron scanned the crowd, the sunny-side people were seen wearing short sleeves and looking kind of sweaty.

The shady-side people, on the other hand, were seen wearing jackets and hats and were shivering.

It’s hard to believe we were all in the same stadium.

The only disappointing part of the day, aside from the shade-induced frostbite, was that Brandon Morrow didn’t pitch.

I’ve been following him for years.

Brandon Morrow is my hero.

He is a Type 1 Diabetic AND a world-class athlete.

There are other T1Ds that could be a role model for my kids.

But they’re not particularly relevant to a young man.

Mary Tyler Moore (who?).

Sonya Sotomayor (meh).

Nick Jonas (….fuggedaboudit)

But Brandon Morrow…

Now there’s an amazing role model for any T1D kid to emulate.

Sorry we missed you Brandon – we’ll be following you all season.

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Mostly True Memoirs

I’m So Nice

Bob mowed the lawn for the first time this spring.

The first mow is a huge job because the grass is so thick.

He sunk down into the couch in exhaustion, and then said,

“Oh I forgot, it’s trash night.”

Being the nice person that I am, I said, “Don’t get up, I’ll do it.”

And then I instantly regretted my offer.

Because it was already dark.

There might be spiders.

Or a possum.

Or maybe even a cow.

Bob rolled his eyes and said, “Never mind, I’ll do it.”

But I insisted.

I am not a coward.

Well, I am, but still…

I braved the dark suburban wilds to haul the cans to the curb.

Bob told me not to worry.

I am small.

If anything should happen, he could easily fit me into one of the trash bins.

I was not reassured.

Not one bit.

The entire trash-can-hauling-in-the-dark incident turned out to be completely uneventful.

But don’t tell Bob.

He might expect me to do it again.

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Mostly True Memoirs

Pi Day

It’s Pi Day.

It’s a great day for a homophone lesson for my ESL students.

I have a longstanding tradition of making whoopie pies on Pi Day.

I hit the kitchen to start baking.

Only to realize that I didn’t have any marshmallow cream.

This is one of the pitfalls of an empty nest.

No marshmallow cream.

No problem.

I can make vanilla cream instead.

Only to realize that I didn’t have any powdered sugar.

Another pitfall of the empty nest.

But again, no problem.

I don’t need no stinkin’ powered sugar.

I can make my own.

I made a very, very small batch this time.

A regular recipe makes a ton of huge whoopie pies.

What are the two of us going to do with that much food?

We need a bunch of teenage athletes

and all of their teammates

to tackle that many goodies.

I told my ESL classes that Americans love play-on-word humor.

They now understand why it is funny to eat pie on Pi Day.

They now know why it is funny to celebrate Pi Day on March 14.

I explained that it’s not a real holiday, it’s just an excuse to eat pie.

Happy Pi Day.

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