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Work

The Grammar Police is Watching!

The Grammar Police Is Watching!

The Grammar Police is Watching!

I hate the grammar police.

I know, I’m an editor.

I’m supposed to correct grammar.

But I don’t.

Unless I’m working.

Correcting other people is obnoxious.

Especially on social media because it’s so easy to make a typo.

I do it myself often enough.

I try to be very forgiving.

But sometimes

I saw a St. Patrick’s Day post from a public service agency.

It urged the public to “Drink Responsively.”

Aaarrrghhh!

That post caused me physical pain.

Responsive drinking is just another name for peer pressure.

It means the exact opposite of what they were trying to say.

Responsibly is the right word.

Drink Responsibly is what that post should have said.

OK, I got that out of my system.

I need a green St. Patrick’s Day beer.

I’ll drink it responsibly.

Categories
Lifestyle Work

A Larry McMurtry Tribute

A Larry McMurtry tribute

A LARRY McMURTRY TRIBUTE

The Modern Art Museum is hosting a Larry McMurtry tribute all month.

They’re showing the movies and hosting a discussion.

This weekend, we went to see The Last Picture Show.

I loved the book, but I had never seen the movie.

I’m glad I went.

The movie was very true to the book.

At home I tried to watch Texasville, which is the sequel.

But I couldn’t find the movie streaming anywhere.

I watched Hud instead.

The film strayed from the book, but it was still a great movie.

McMurtry’s books were very controversial when they were first published.

My mother used to hide them.

I’m not sure if she hid them from me or if she hid them for me.

I always found them and read them.

I’m certain she knew.

She would have loved this McMurty tribute.

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Lifestyle Work

A Nice Problem To Have

A nice problem to have

A NICE PROBLEM TO HAVE

I was reading two books at the same time.

And then three books I had on hold with Overdrive came in all at once.

Now I’m juggling a bunch of books.

I have several other items on hold.

I hope they don’t come in this week.

I’m kind of busy.

Too many books is a very nice problem to have.

Categories
Lifestyle Work

I Want All The Details!

Come back, Lady, come back!

SUCH SUSPENSE! COME BACK, LADY, COME BACK – I WANT ALL THE DETAILS!

I want all the details!

I met a woman briefly on a Zoom call.

She said that her husband had been a priest for 20 years.

He left the church for her.

And then she disappeared from the meeting.

I didn’t even catch her name.

But I want to hear what happened.

It’s The Thorn Birds meets Fleabag.

Kind of.

Come back, Lady, COME BACK!

I want all the details!

Categories
Work

I Don’t Have a Contract With You

I don't have a contract with you

I DON’T HAVE A CONTRACT WITH YOU

An English teaching account that I haven’t worked for in years has been contacting me to substitute.

“I don’t have a contract with you,” I always respond, “Please take me off your mailing list.”

They continue to send requests.

I am tempted to accept the job.

And then not show up.

What are they going to do?

Cancel my contract?

That might get me off their mailing list.

But I won’t do it.

It’s unprofessional.

The students would be the ones to suffer.

I always love the students, even if I don’t love the admin.

I have stopped responding to their requests.

I’m hoping that ignoring them will get me off their mailing list.

So far it hasn’t worked.

But I’ll keep trying.

Or not trying.

Whatever.

Categories
Work

A Woman Named Humble

A woman named Humble

A WOMAN NAMED HUMBLE

Many of my English students adopt English names.

It’s not just for my class, it is for their entire business and professional identity.

In one particular corner of the world, the entire population seems to have perused the same outdated baby-naming book.

I have a lot of 30-year-old Herberts and Mildreds as students.

Some of them, however, choose random words for their names.

Today I had a woman named Humble in my class.

She probably saw a list of other virtue names such as Faith or Grace or Hope and assumed that Humble would work too.

I didn’t have the heart to tell her that a humble person would never call herself humble.

Only a braggart would do that.

If she had asked for my opinion before she chose her name, I would have told her.

At this point, it’s none of my business.

I carried on with the class.

But I cringed whenever I said her name.

Categories
Work

My Wheeled Office Chair

My wheeled office chair

MY WHEELED OFFICE CHAIR

My home office has a polished concrete floor.

I like to zoom around the room on my wheeled office chair.

Yeah, I know, I’m easily entertained.

The other day, I heard a metallic clinking sound.

I looked around to see what fell.

I saw nothing, and I was busy, so I forgot about it.

Last night, when I launched myself across the room, disaster struck.

Apparently the clinking sound I heard was hardware falling off of the underside of the seat.

Mid zoom, the chair disintegrated, and I careened to the floor in a pile of rubble.

I now have a golf-ball sized welt on my keester with a blossoming purple and green bruise.

And the chair is DOA.

Will I continue to zoom in my new chair?

Of course.

I won’t give up on that kind of entertainment.

However, I will now periodically tighten all the screws.

One pain in the a** is more than enough.

Categories
Work

They Can’t Block Me

they can't block me

THEY CAN’T BLOCK ME

I was in a Zoom meeting.

One man mentioned that he had seen the Blue Man Group.

I burst out laughing.

I thought about the Blue Man Group story line on Arrested Development.

“I’m afraid I just blue myself,” never stops being funny.

No one in this group had seen Arrested Development.

They did not understand the reference.

What a crushing disappointment.

These folks could all use the Method One acting clinic.

I will spend the rest of the day quoting Tobias Funke lines to my family.

They can’t block me.

Can they?

Categories
Work

I’m Hangry for That Book

I'm hangry for that book

I’M HANGRY FOR THAT BOOK

I love David Baldacci.

I heard his lecture series on Masterclass.

He gave a fabulous presentation.

I picked up the first Atlee Pine book, Long Road to Mercy.

It was so engaging that I read it in one sitting.

I picked up the second Atlee Pine book, A Minute to Midnight.

It was so engaging that I read it in one sitting.

And now, to my overwhelming disappointment, I find out that the third book won’t be published until November.

November!

What am I supposed to do for two months?

Wait?

That’s just crazy talk.

I need to know what happens.

I’m hangry, but not for food.

I’m hangry for that book.

Categories
Work

Today is National Ampersand Day

National Ampersand Day

TODAY IS NATIONAL AMPERSAND DAY

Today is National Ampersand Day.

Seriously?

The ampersand has a holiday?

Why would anyone want to celebrate this symbol?

It’s only used in writing.

No one ever says the word, “ampersand.”

It’s only supposed to be written in very specific circumstances.

How in the world do you celebrate?

Tacos?

Beer?

Tacos & beer?

It’s not grammatically correct to use the ampersand in this context…

But since it’s tacos & beer, who’s going to complain?