Categories
storytelling work

An Impromptu Pronunciation Lesson

an impromptu pronunciation lesson

AN IMPROMPTU PRONUNCIATION LESSON

My new ESL student introduced himself.

He is a cardiac surgeon.

In his free time he really likes cocaine.

What?

Excuse me?

Seriously?

After some discussion, I realized that what he actually meant was that he really likes cooking.

We had an impromptu pronunciation lesson.

His professional integrity remains intact.

Whew!

Categories
storytelling work

What Do You Say When You Agree?

what do you say when you agree

WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN YOU AGREE?

The interpreters in my ESL classes are often useless.

Sometimes they are downright awful.

Today’s lesson was about expressions indicating agreement.

Of course, absolutely, that’s right, no kidding, certainly.

“What do you say when you agree?” is what I asked.

“What do you say when you are gay?” is what

the interpreter wrote in the chat box.

Oh.

Goodness.

That is not what I said.

That is not the correct interpretation.

That is certainly not the topic of the day.

Proofread before you post, interpreters.

Please proofread.

Categories
storytelling work

We Were Talking About Pets

We were talking about pets

WE WERE TALKING ABOUT PETS

Today in my ESL class, we were talking about pets.

One of the students mixed up his vocabulary.

He asked, “How do you play with your little uncle?”

He meant to say puppy instead of uncle.

And now I can’t get that disturbing image out of my mind.

Categories
storytelling work

A Loud Smile

A loud smile

A LOUD SMILE

My English student defined the word “laugh” as “a loud smile.”

Yeah.

That works

Categories
storytelling work

Chicken and Candy For Dinner

Chicken and candy for dinner

CHICKEN AND CANDY FOR DINNER

My beginning English student told me that he had eaten chicken and candy for dinner.

I hesitated a moment before I clarified that.

Who am I to judge?

Maybe he DID eat chicken and candy for dinner.

It sounds like great comfort food.

A few shots of whiskey would make an excellent dessert pairing.

I was very disappointed to find out, on questioning him, that he had actually eaten chicken and vegetables for dinner.

I am now rethinking my own dinner plans for tonight.

Categories
humor lifestyle teaching

Online English Class

my online English class

MY ONLINE ENGLISH CLASS

Today I had sound problems in my online English class.

The students couldn’t hear me.

I could hear them.

And they could hear each other.

But they couldn’t hear me.

They could read my chats, so I set them up with an exercise, and I contacted the tech guy for help with the sound.

He said that he couldn’t hear me.

Exactly.

That’s my problem, I told him via the chat box.

No one can hear me.

Can you please help me fix my sound?

I can’t hear you, he repeated.

Ah, now I understand the problem.

The tech guy needs English lessons too.

Categories
humor lifestyle teaching

She Is a Very Angry Woman

she is a very angry woman

SHE IS A VERY ANGRY WOMAN

Today my English students talked about phobias.

Spiders.

Snakes.

Lightening.

The dark.

In every class, the students seemed to have similar fears.

Except for one man.

He stated that he is afraid of his wife.

She is a very angry woman.

To alleviate his fear, he drinks a lot of beer.

Well.

That escalated quickly.

Categories
humor lifestyle teaching

A Traffic Ticket

a traffic ticket

A TRAFFIC TICKET

My ESL student told me that she got a traffic ticket.

For driving on the sidewalk.

Wait, what?

On the sidewalk?

Was she on a bicycle?

No, she was in her car.

There was a lot of traffic.

And she was in a hurry.

Oh.

OK then.

As long as there was a good reason.

Categories
humor lifestyle teaching

Going to the Movies

going to the movies

GOING TO THE MOVIES

Today my adult ESL students were discussing going to the movies.

I broke them into pairs to have a conversation.

Student 1: Would you like to meet me at 5:00 in the evening to see a movie?

Student 2: 5:00 o’clock is not evening. 5:00 o’clock is afternoon.

1:

Me: 5:00 can be called afternoon or evening. Both are OK.

2: 5:00 is afternoon.

Me: You can say that 5:00 is too early, and you would prefer to meet later.

2: 5:00 O’CLOCK IS AFTERNOON!

Yeah, I’m guessing this guy doesn’t get too many invitations.

Categories
humor lifestyle teaching

Wait, What?

wait, what

WAIT, WHAT?

My ESL students were discussing the importance of sleep.

One of them suggested avoiding cocaine.

Wait, what?

Yeah, I won’t argue with that.

I also won’t discuss it.

I quickly moved the lesson forward to our next agenda item.