Mostly True Memoirs

Sorry

Writing this blog is hard.

Well, the writing part isn’t hard.

It’s the blogging part that’s hard.

I am not a tech person.

There are a million things that I don’t understand.

So there I was, in the chat box with the IT guy,

asking yet another question.

We were chatting for a long, long, LONG time,

when I realized that he had already answered my question.

At the very beginning of the chat.

If only I had followed his instructions…

I’m probably the reason he’s going to drink heavily tonight.

And be late for work tomorrow.

Sorry, IT guy.

I’d like to promise that it won’t happen again.

But it probably will…

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Mostly True Memoirs

Awkward English Class

Today I had an IT engineer in my English class.

He was the only male in attendance with several female students.

He convinced the ladies that their husbands were running around,

and he could help them spy on their guys with their iPhones.

For a small fee.

One woman was very interested.

I tried to steer the conversation away from this very awkward topic.

But my students were determined.

They spoke to each other in Vietnamese.

I’m sure they were exchanging stalking information.

I do not want to know how this story ends.

I’m just here to teach English.

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Mostly True Memoirs

The Misfortunes of Others

I know, I know, I KNOW.

It’s wrong to laugh at the misfortunes of others…

Today I was at the pharmacy.

With two diabetic kids, I am always at the pharmacy.

I was making my purchase at the counter when an angry and belligerent young man rushed up.

He was yelling and pounding his fists and making a scene.

He was furious because the pharmacy was out of pregnancy tests.

The clerk and I looked at each other and started to laugh.

So we both looked away.

I’m sure that the pharmacy staff has been trained to never laugh at the customers.

I, however, have had no such training.

And now I really want to know why there has been a run on pregnancy tests.

If I get struck by lightening any time soon, it will be because I laughed.

Poor guy.

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Mostly True Memoirs

Road Trip

Road trip!

On our drive across the country,

we took an unscheduled detour to Taos, New Mexico.

What a beautiful little city!

Unfortunately, I developed a bloody nose that lasted two days.

It wasn’t a bad one.

Just a slow, annoying drip.

I’m certain it was caused by the altitude.

Bob suggested that maybe it was the attitude.

Ha!

My traveling companion thinks he’s a comedian.

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Mostly True Memoirs

SAGE ADVICE

I had a birthday this week.

I am older and wiser.

I am now in a position to offer sage advice.

Here it is –

Don’t ever place a plastic dish

on a pre-heated cast-iron griddle

and then busy yourself with other things.

You will regret it.

The smell will scar your brain.

For life.

I’m not saying that I actually did this incredibly stupid thing.

I’m just offering some sage words of wisdom…

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Mostly True Memoirs

SOCKS

The tornado sirens were going off.

We had plenty of warning.

This storm was predicted.

Our shelter was prepared.

We had blankets and pillows.

A leash for the dog.

Extra cables and batteries for the phones.

An ax and a crowbar in case we need to claw our way out.

I even made a point to wear shoes and socks instead of flip flops.

In case of rubble.

But there was one thing that I hadn’t prepared for.

My socks were the kind that sagged under my feet with every step.

Sock bumps!

This is going to seriously impede any kind of rescue effort.

I don’t know which is worse – sock bumps or tornadoes.

At any rate, the storm passed over us without incident.

My first plan of action was to change my socks.

Now I’m ready for the next round of storms.

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