Categories
family storytelling

It’s That Time of the Year

That Time of the Year

IT’S THAT TIME OF THE YEAR

It’s that time of the year.

It’s time for our annual insurance renewal fiasco.

It happens every year.

The pharmacy wouldn’t release the prescription.

The birthdate was incorrect.

Excuse me?

We all have the same birthdates we have always had.

Nothing has changed in that department.

They told me to call the insurance company to straighten it out.

This entailed an entire afternoon of phone calls and lengthy holds.

It eventually got resolved in my favor.

I knew it would.

I received an updated text from the pharmacy that my order was ready.

Back I went.

Where the clerk told me they couldn’t release my order.

The birthdate was incorrect.

I took a deep breath.

A very deep breath.

I was about to go full Karen on him.

But then he looked through the computer records and saw that the issue had been resolved.

I got the prescription.

As soon as I got home, the kid remembered an additional thing that he needs from the pharmacy.

I need a drink.

Categories
storytelling work

An Impromptu Pronunciation Lesson

an impromptu pronunciation lesson

AN IMPROMPTU PRONUNCIATION LESSON

My new ESL student introduced himself.

He is a cardiac surgeon.

In his free time he really likes cocaine.

What?

Excuse me?

Seriously?

After some discussion, I realized that what he actually meant was that he really likes cooking.

We had an impromptu pronunciation lesson.

His professional integrity remains intact.

Whew!

Categories
storytelling work

What Do You Say When You Agree?

what do you say when you agree

WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN YOU AGREE?

The interpreters in my ESL classes are often useless.

Sometimes they are downright awful.

Today’s lesson was about expressions indicating agreement.

Of course, absolutely, that’s right, no kidding, certainly.

“What do you say when you agree?” is what I asked.

“What do you say when you are gay?” is what

the interpreter wrote in the chat box.

Oh.

Goodness.

That is not what I said.

That is not the correct interpretation.

That is certainly not the topic of the day.

Proofread before you post, interpreters.

Please proofread.

Categories
storytelling

Proofread Before You Post

Proofread before you post

PROOFREAD BEFORE YOU POST

I don’t correct people’s grammar when I’m not teaching.

That’s obnoxious.

Especially online.

It’s so easy to make typos.

And auto correct can be a jerk.

I make plenty of mistakes myself.

I try to overlook it when I see it online.

HOWEVER…

Today I read an entire conversation about a dessert tortoise.

The first post was about a pet dessert tortoise.

And all of the responses were about other people’s pet dessert tortoises.

Every single person in the thread spelled desert wrong.

In my mind, I pictured a slow-moving tortoise covered in whipped cream and chocolate syrup with a sprinkling of salmonella.

It’s a desert tortoise.

Not a dessert tortoise.

Proofread before you post.

Categories
humor lifestyle teaching

She Is a Very Angry Woman

She is a very angry woman

SHE IS A VERY ANGRY WOMAN

Today my English students talked about phobias.

Spiders.

Snakes.

Lightening.

The dark.

In every class, the students seemed to have similar fears.

Except for one man.

He stated that he is afraid of his wife.

She is a very angry woman.

To alleviate his fear, he drinks a lot of beer.

Well.

That escalated quickly.

Categories
humor lifestyle teaching

Wait, What?

Wait, what?

WAIT, WHAT?

My ESL students were discussing the importance of sleep.

One of them suggested avoiding cocaine.

Wait, what?

Yeah, I won’t argue with that.

I also won’t discuss it.

I quickly moved the lesson forward to our next agenda item.

Categories
humor lifestyle teaching

Fish Massage

Fish massage

My ESL students were talking about fish massage.

It’s really a thing.

You take off your shoes, roll up your pants, and stick your feet in a fish tank.

Hundreds of fish swarm you and eat all of the dry skin off your feet.

They uploaded some pictures to show me how it’s done.

They are tiny little fish, not piranhas.

But still, it looks creepy.

And not at all sanitary.

I’ll pass on the fish massage…

Categories
humor lifestyle teaching

Mouse Meat

Mouse meat

MOUSE MEAT

Oh goodness.

Today I had some extra time in class.

So I asked my online English student what I foods I would eat if I visited his tiny, remote village.

I expected to hear about noodles and seafood.

He proudly recommended his mother’s mouse meat.

Um, what? Excuse me?

I asked him to write it in the chat box, just to make sure I heard him correctly.

I heard right.

Mouse meat.

Yeah, no.

I’ll pass.

Categories
humor lifestyle teaching

Can Laughter Make You Smarter?

Can laughter make you smarter?

CAN LAUGHTER MAKE YOU SMARTER?

Can laughter make you smarter?

This was a very interesting question posed to me today.

My answer, as an ESL teacher, is a qualified yes.

Qualified because the non-stop class clown jokes are distracting and not at all helpful.

However it is a public speaking axiom that when the audience is laughing, they are leaning in to listen.

With that in mind, I always try to get at least a chuckle out of every class session.

In teaching conversation, the human connection is far more important than grammar rules or vocabulary lists.

If I can garner so much as a hint of a smile, I know I will have a successful ESL session with that student.

Categories
humor lifestyle teaching

National Punctuation Day

National Punctuation Day

NATIONAL PUNCTUATION DAY

On National Punctuation Day, one of my ESL students had trouble getting into the online classroom.

I had the IT guy work with him while I started up with the rest of the students.

He finally arrived.

He wrote in the chat box, “I’m in yay.”

Another student wrote, “Where is Yay?”

I didn’t laugh out loud.

I never laugh at my students.

But I did stop the lesson to discuss the importance of punctuation.

Happy National Punctuation Day!