Tag: teaching

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Lifestyle

Now I Own A Very Exclusive Gown

Now I own a very exclusive gown

Mostly True Memoirs

An exclusive gown

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An Exclusive Gown

The Grown Son had his third and (hopefully) final shoulder surgery.

The procedure itself went well.

But we did have some scheduling snafus.

And a check-in snafu.

And a check-out snafu.

As well as a pharmacy snafu.

So it wasn’t really a surprise to get home and find that he was still wearing the hospital gown under his clothes.

I laughed and laughed and laughed.

We now own the Most Expensive Garment ever.

You think Vuitton or Armani or Prada are exclusive?

Pffft.

This Hospital Gown cost more.

I’m sure of it.

The next time we’re invited to a black-tie event, I know just what I’ll wear.

I can brag sanctimoniously about how much I spent on it.

And hey, I’ve got the perfect shoes to wear with it.

Hospital socks!

I’ll be the talk of the town.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Categories
Work

Leave No Doubt – How To Be Very, Very Clear

Leave no doubt

Mostly True Memoirs

Leave no doubt

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Leave No Doubt

I always tell my students this:

If your words create a huge argument about How To Say It, you need to find a simpler way to say it.

I see it all the time.

Groups on social media will erupt into a HUGE grammar debate.

Dozens and dozens of people will chime in with dozens and dozens of varied suggestions.

It’s an enormous, distracting rabbit hole.

Seriously, if writers can’t agree, how in the world will your readers be able to make sense of the thing?

It’s the responsibility of the writer to be understood.

It’s that simple.

If an argument erupts, the writer has missed the mark.

Instead of debating the grammar rules, just find a simpler way to say it.

Keep drilling down.

Simpler, simpler, simpler.

Keep at it until you have found the most straightforward way to express yourself.

Simple, by the way, doesn’t mean stupid.

I’m not suggesting that you dumb down your work.

I am, however, suggesting clarity.

Leave no doubt, or dangling modifiers, or run-on sentences, or improper noun-verb agreements in your writing.

If you’re not sure about a particular passage, post it to a social media group.

If an argument erupts, you know what to do.

Simplify.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

About Me

CHECK OUT SOME FREE WRITING RESOURCES!

CLICK HERE TO COMMENT – I PROMISE I’LL RESPOND

Categories
Family

It’s That Time of the Year

Mostly True Memoirs

That Time of the Year

IT’S THAT TIME OF THE YEAR

It’s that time of the year.

It’s time for our annual insurance renewal fiasco.

It happens every year.

The pharmacy wouldn’t release the prescription.

The birthdate was incorrect.

Excuse me?

We all have the same birthdates we have always had.

Nothing has changed in that department.

They told me to call the insurance company to straighten it out.

This entailed an entire afternoon of phone calls and lengthy holds.

It eventually got resolved in my favor.

I knew it would.

I received an updated text from the pharmacy that my order was ready.

Back I went.

Where the clerk told me they couldn’t release my order.

The birthdate was incorrect.

I took a deep breath.

A very deep breath.

I was about to go full Karen on him.

But then he looked through the computer records and saw that the issue had been resolved.

I got the prescription.

As soon as I got home, the kid remembered an additional thing that he needs from the pharmacy.

I need a drink.

Categories
Work

How To Save A Career With An Impromptu Pronunciation Lesson

Mostly True Memoirs

an impromptu pronunciation lesson

AN IMPROMPTU PRONUNCIATION LESSON

My new ESL student introduced himself.

He is a cardiac surgeon.

In his free time he really likes cocaine.

What?

Excuse me?

Seriously?

After some discussion, I realized that what he actually meant was that he really likes cooking.

We had an impromptu pronunciation lesson.

His professional integrity remains intact.

Whew!

Categories
Work

What Do You Say When You Agree?

Mostly True Memoirs

what do you say when you agree

WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN YOU AGREE?

The interpreters in my ESL classes are often useless.

Sometimes they are downright awful.

Today’s lesson was about expressions indicating agreement.

Of course, absolutely, that’s right, no kidding, certainly.

“What do you say when you agree?” is what I asked.

“What do you say when you are gay?” is what

the interpreter wrote in the chat box.

Oh.

Goodness.

That is not what I said.

That is not the correct interpretation.

That is certainly not the topic of the day.

Proofread before you post, interpreters.

Please proofread.

Categories
Work

Proofread Before You Post

Mostly True Memoirs

Proofread before you post

PROOFREAD BEFORE YOU POST

I don’t correct people’s grammar when I’m not teaching.

That’s obnoxious.

Especially online.

It’s so easy to make typos.

And auto correct can be a jerk.

I make plenty of mistakes myself.

I try to overlook it when I see it online.

HOWEVER…

Today I read an entire conversation about a dessert tortoise.

The first post was about a pet dessert tortoise.

And all of the responses were about other people’s pet dessert tortoises.

Every single person in the thread spelled desert wrong.

In my mind, I pictured a slow-moving tortoise covered in whipped cream and chocolate syrup with a sprinkling of salmonella.

It’s a desert tortoise.

Not a dessert tortoise.

Proofread before you post.

Categories
Work

She Is a Very Angry Woman

Mostly True Memoirs

She is a very angry woman

SHE IS A VERY ANGRY WOMAN

Today my English students talked about phobias.

Spiders.

Snakes.

Lightening.

The dark.

In every class, the students seemed to have similar fears.

Except for one man.

He stated that he is afraid of his wife.

She is a very angry woman.

To alleviate his fear, he drinks a lot of beer.

Well.

That escalated quickly.

Categories
Work

Wait, What?

Mostly True Memoirs

Wait, what?

WAIT, WHAT?

My ESL students were discussing the importance of sleep.

One of them suggested avoiding cocaine.

Wait, what?

Yeah, I won’t argue with that.

I also won’t discuss it.

I quickly moved the lesson forward to our next agenda item.

Categories
Work

Fish Massage

Mostly True Memoirs

Fish massage

My ESL students were talking about fish massage.

It’s really a thing.

You take off your shoes, roll up your pants, and stick your feet in a fish tank.

Hundreds of fish swarm you and eat all of the dry skin off your feet.

They uploaded some pictures to show me how it’s done.

They are tiny little fish, not piranhas.

But still, it looks creepy.

And not at all sanitary.

I’ll pass on the fish massage…

Categories
Work

Mouse Meat

Mostly True Memoirs

Mouse meat

MOUSE MEAT

Oh goodness.

Today I had some extra time in class.

So I asked my online English student what I foods I would eat if I visited his tiny, remote village.

I expected to hear about noodles and seafood.

He proudly recommended his mother’s mouse meat.

Um, what? Excuse me?

I asked him to write it in the chat box, just to make sure I heard him correctly.

I heard right.

Mouse meat.

Yeah, no.

I’ll pass.