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Dog Lifestyle

Why I’ll Gladly Ride The Pine From Now On

They say that worrying is a foolish waste of time.

Unless, of course, the thing that worries you actually happens.

My worry has finally seen the light.

Our early morning dog park group has a couple of herding dogs.

These beasties love to chase the rest of the pups.

Who thoroughly enjoy the game.

They run like demons possessed.

It’s a good time.

For them.

I’m always worried that they’re going to take out my bad knee.

I usually sit on a bench or stand by the fence when they’re zooming.

This time, however, I was talking to the other humans and not paying attention to the dogs.

I should have been paying attention.

The entire herd zoomed right into me.

I went airborne and landed on my keester.

My bad knee was fine.

But my ankle was mangled.

Actually, it’s not even my ankle.

It’s the top of my foot.

I think I twisted a muscle.

It’s much better than it was, although it is still swollen and sore.

Luckily, it’s raining today, and it’s predicted to rain for several more days.

It’s too wet for the dog park, even if my feet were fine.

This storm will give me time to rest and heal.

I guess it’s true though, that the worrying was a foolish waste of time.

I worried, and the thing happened anyway.

Next time, I’ll ride the pine.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Lifestyle

I Will Reserve Judgment For Now

I binged Loudermilk on Netflix.

And I loved it!

It was billed as a “cynical comedy.”

Yup.

It was funny, offensive, and real.

Every minute of it was enjoyable.

I read Lessons in Chemistry.

And I hated it.

I read it for my book club.

In all fairness, I should probably reserve judgment.

For now.

There are some very intelligent members in this group.

Maybe one of them will provide some insight that I missed.

After all, it was made into a TV series.

Someone must have liked it.

There are probably some redeeming elements to this book.

I must have just missed them all.

If anyone out there liked this story, tell me why.

Seriously.

I don’t want to be the Debbie Downer at my next book club meeting.

Tell me, in the comments, what you liked about this book

I need something positive to contribute to the discussion.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Lifestyle

How To Make Gilligan Funny All Over Again

Gilligan

Last night I heard a dramatic reading.

It was a recitation of the theme song to Gilligan’s Island.

I don’t know what was funnier.

The guy doing the theatrical interpretation.

Or the other people laughing so hard.

If you’re ever in a bad mood, here’s the perfect solution.

Recite the Gilligan theme song.

Dramatically.

It’s guaranteed to cheer you up immediately.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Lifestyle

The Best Way To Deal With That Drama Quinoa

Quinoa is delicious.

It’s rich and nutty, like brown rice.

When it’s seasoned just right, it’s the perfect addition to any meal.

It’s a very healthy food.

But I still don’t like it.

Why?

Because it’s shaped like tiny little pellets.

Eating quinoa is like eating a bowlful of poppy seeds.

Whenever I eat it, either quinoa or poppy seeds, I spend the next three days flossing debris out of my teeth.

And just when I think I’ve got every possible painful shard scraped out of my gums, another one makes a surprise appearance.

I’ve been flossing more quinoa this week than I actually ate.

I’m not sure how that’s possible, but I swear it’s the truth.

I’ll never eat quinoa again.

Until, that is, someone places a delicious dinner in front of me.

I’m certain to forget my promise.

I’ll eat the meal.

And then, while I spend the next three days flossing nonstop, I’ll promise to never eat it again.

This is the best way to deal with that drama quinoa.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Lifestyle

Stupid Pop-Up Green Screen – How To Fold It

Pop-up Green Screen

Feeling overconfident?

Feeling cocky?

Feeling the need to be brought down a notch or two?

I’ve got the perfect solution.

Try to fold a pop-up green screen.

Oh. My. God.

Usually when I use my green screen, I keep it up for weeks.

Keeping it up is so much easier than folding it.

However, I have a very small office and a very large screen.

I’ve got to put it away.

I have folded this thing a zillion times.

But I have no idea how it’s done.

It’s really just dumb luck.

I watch the YouTube videos.

I do exactly what they’re doing.

But I can’t get the darn thing to fold up properly.

It won’t go into a circle shape.

Or it partially folds into the circle shape, but an odd part of it sticks out.

Or it randomly pops open, knocking everything off my desk.

For the record, I have an equally hard time with the pop-up dashboard cover in my car.

I know, I could take the screen out into the living room where there’s more room.

But then I would face the scorn and ridicule of my family.

However, after an hour of watching a variety of YouTube clips, knocking every loose item in my office onto the floor, tripping over the enormous screen, and dropping all kinds of F-bomb variations, the screen folded up.

How did I do it?

I have no idea.

The next time I have to fold it up, I am certain it will be just as disasterous.

Folding that pop-up green screen is a very humbling experience.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Categories
Lifestyle

Native Texans Love This Grocery Store!

A Native Texan

If you’re a native Texan, you understand all the hype about the HEB grocery store.

I’m not a native Texan.

I don’t get it.

However, everyone is beyond excited that an HEB is coming to our neighborhood.

It just opened this week.

I tried to go three different times.

Every time, the traffic was so bad that I gave up and left.

The store will still be there tomorrow, and the next day, and the next.

I’m curious, but I’m not THAT curious.

Today I finally found a parking space.

HEB really is an amazing gourmet grocery store with fantastic products.

I get it now.

But OMG, there was a massive, enormous, anxiety-inducing throng of shoppers.

A large police presence was also on site, not only in the parking lot and on the streets, but also inside the store.

Seriously?

What were they expecting to happen?

Fistfights over the fresh tortillas?

Well, maybe.

I told the cashier that I hoped the crowds would dwindle soon.

He said that it could take a year to settle down.

Ouch.

I’m an early riser, so maybe I’ll try hitting them up at the crack of dawn on a weekday.

Maybe it won’t be so crowded then.

At any rate, welcome to the neighborhood HEB!

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Lifestyle

My Hidden Talent Has Made Me a Winner!

My Hidden Talent

It was a lovely holiday weekend.

The family gathered around the table.

I made some focaccia bread.

The Grown Sons renamed it F*** You bread.

While they wolfed it all down.

And then they reminisced about that long-ago Easter when they rearranged all the Peeps into vulgar and inappropriate scenarios.

So, yeah, this is how Boy Mom holidays play out.

They tried to shock me with their offensive language.

Now that they’re grown, it’s time for them to learn who’s in charge around here.

Don’t try to out-smart-mouth me.

I’m the master.

It’s my hidden talent.

I only bring it out under special circumstances.

This was a special circumstance.

I won.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Lifestyle

Smile Because It Happened

I'll smile because it happened

“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” -Dr. Seuss

We lost a family member.

He was talented.

Kind.

Generous.

Funny.

At his service, there were tears.

As well as a lot of laughter.

And plenty of fabulous music.

The loss hurts.

But his legacy will live on.

He left behind a lot of talent.

And kindness.

And generosity.

And humor.

Yeah, nah, I’m still going to cry.

But I’ll smile too.

While I’m listening to some classic R&B Bombers.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Lifestyle

Wait For It…The Waiting Is The Hardest Part

Wait for it...

The Grown Son took a flight out early this morning.

He just now called me, furious, from his destination.

The shuttle that he ordered hasn’t shown up.

It’s been 20 minutes.

He told me that he called them, and they said they’re on the way.

But why is it taking so long?

He’s stranded.

I laughed, which made him angry.

It’s morning rush hour where he is.

The shuttle is on its way.

He’ll just have to wait for it.

This young man is so competent in so many ways.

But, obviously, not in this way.

Now I’ve got that Tom Petty song running through my head.

The waiting is the hardest part…

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Dog Lifestyle

The Dog Park – We Go Every Morning

The Dog Park

Several weeks ago, when Bob reseeded the back yard, I started taking Blue around the corner to our neighborhood dog park.

We wanted to keep her off the lawn.

Blue loves the dog park.

She’s made a BFF named Rosie.

Rosie is a herding dog.

And Blue seems to enjoy being herded.

It works out well.

We’ve been having lovely spring afternoons, but the nights can still get cold.

This morning it was only 44⁰ outside.

“We’ll go to the park this afternoon when it’s 70⁰,” I promised the dog, opening the back door to let her out in the yard.

Blue was having none of that.

She refused to go outside.

I’ve created a monster.

So I bundled up and took her to the park.

It was a beautiful, bright, but chilly, spring morning.

Apparently the sprinklers were on at the dog park overnight.

It was a swamp.

It didn’t bother Blue in the least, but I was a bit put off.

We had to take a long walk around the neighborhood to dry her paws off.

And my shoes.

I have to admit that these early morning jaunts are becoming a nice routine.

Although I could do without the mud.

And the chill.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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