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Dog

This is Why She’s Considered A Doofus

Mostly True Memoirs

This is why she's considered a doofus

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She’s Such a Doofus

She really is a doofus.

Blue Dawg.

Otherwise known as Bluefus the doofus.

It turns out that she doesn’t like turkey gizzards.

Who ever heard of a dog not liking gizzards?

I put them in her bowl.

Blue was puzzled, as if to say, “What in the world is this nonsense?”

Then she bent down to eat, and I thought that all was well.

Until later, when I stepped on a gizzard that she deposited in the middle of the room.

Sure enough, she placed gizzard parts all over the house.

Ewww.

Luckily we have hard floors so it was easy enough to clean up.

That would have been a stinky mess on carpeting.

I’ve never heard of a dog who doesn’t like gizzards.

Until now.

What a doofus.

Read stories about Blue Dawg

Liz Brenner

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Dog

Good Girl, Blue – What A Good Watchdog

Mostly True Memoirs

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Good Girl, Blue

Good girl, Blue.

Blue is a watchdog.

But not a very effective watchdog.

She’ll bark at random leaves.

Passing schoolkids.

And, more often than not, nothing at all.

Last night, at 2:00 am, she went bonkers.

She never barks at night, so Bob got up to investigate.

In our driveway, dressed ninja-style, were three bad guys, checking out the cars.

Bob yelled, and the ninjas ran off.

The cops came to the house to take a report.

My biggest disappointment is that I slept through the entire thing.

I missed all the excitement.

Blue is a hero.

I will never again tell her to shut up when she’s barking at random leaves.

Good girl, Blue, good girl.

Liz Brenner

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Dog

No Regrets, No Morals, No Confession – It’s A Mystery

Mostly True Memoirs

No regrets

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No Regrets

No regrets.

I made some ham and cheese sliders.

I ate two.

The Grown Son, on his way out the door, grabbed a few as well.

I got a phone call.

When my call was done, I went to wrap up the sandwiches to save for the rest of the family.

There were none.

What?

If I had two, and the Grown Son grabbed maybe three or four, there should be a whole lot left over.

The suspect?

A very large, very hairy, four-legged thief.

Who has no morals and no regrets.

And who loves to counter surf.

Blue denied everything, of course.

However, her claims of innocence were accompanied by lots of tail wagging and an ecstatic grin.

In the morning, she didn’t want her breakfast.

I’m certain her belly continued to be quite full of ham and cheese sliders.

She’s still not talking.

I’m still suspicious.

The mystery deepens…

Liz Brenner

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Dog

My Dog Is Always Happy – She Gets A Five-Star Rating

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my dog is always happy

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My Dog Is Always Happy

My book club read The Anthropocene Reviewed.

It’s a collection of essays about life in the modern world.

The author ends each topic with a star rating, similar to Yelp.

We discussed the rating system, and agreed, as a group, that a five-star rating is ridiculous.

It indicates perfection.

And nothing is perfect.

Except, I suggested, for dogs.

Dogs are perfect.

My Blue is always happy, always eager, always in a good mood.

She is pure, sweet joy.

Everyone laughed and agreed that dogs certainly do deserve five stars.

Except for one lady who doesn’t like dogs.

That’s OK.

She’s entitled to her opinion.

Even if it’s wrong.

I’ll give her one star.

Liz Brenner

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Dog

Happy National Dog Day To The Best Dog Ever!

Mostly True Memoirs

Happy National Dog Day!

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National Dog Day

Happy National Dog Day!

It’s a perfect day to celebrate Blue.

She is the happiest dog ever.

It doesn’t matter what’s happening – she’s happy.

Dinner?   Happy.

Belly rub?

Happy.

Car ride?

Happy.

Walk?

Happy.

Fetch?

Happy.

Sprinklers?

Happy.

She is the best dog ever.

Except, of course, for Wrigley.

She was the best dog ever.

As was Schatzi.

And Dave.

They were all the best dogs ever.

Which makes no sense.

Unless you’ve had dogs.

IYKYK.

Happy National Dog Day!

Liz Brenner

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Dog

Karma’s a B**ch! I Learned It The Hard Way Today.

Mostly True Memoirs

karma's a b**ch

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Karma’s A B**ch!

Karma’s a b**ch.

I probably shouldn’t have laughed at the Grown Son.

The payback was brutal.

This time, Blue got sick all over my office.

By the time I found the mess this morning, the stench was unbearable.

It must have been brewing all night.

Blue, meanwhile, was happy as a lark.

No regrets.

We skipped her obedience class today.

I didn’t want her getting sick in my car.

Or passing her germs on to other dogs.

Are my priorities wrong?

Should I have put the other dogs’ health first, before the car?

She’s gotten carsick before, and believe me, I don’t want a repeat of that.

At any rate, she’s staying home.

My office has been cleaned and sanitized.

The windows are open, the fans are on.

The Grown Son thinks this whole episode is hilarious.

Karma’s such a b**ch.

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Lifestyle

That Spongebob Song About The Best Day Ever

Mostly True Memoirs

That Spongebob song

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That Spongebob Song

It’s the best day ever!

Spongebob sang it, so it’s gotta be true.

Today is National Puppy Day.

What could be better than National Puppy Day?

Today is also National Tamale Day.

And it’s also National Chip and Dip Day.

All these wonderful things on the same day?

It doesn’t get much better than this.

It’s also National Near Miss Day.

Seriously?

Come on – don’t rain on my puppy, tamale, and chip and dip parade.

I’ve got that annoying Spongebob song going through my head now.

Maybe that song is my near miss.

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Dog

Whew – That Was One Disasterous Problem Solved!

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Whew - that was one disasterous problem solved!

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Problem Solved!

We have a new neighbor.

They have three large, territorial dogs.

Those dogs have taken strongly against Blue.

They fling themselves against the wooden fence, barking wildly.

I swear, one of these days, they’re going to break through that barrier.

Since they’re a pack and Blue is solo, guess who will lose that fight?

I discussed all of this with Bob who poo-pooed my concerns.

He told me that we don’t even own the fence, it’s on their property.

I hope that thought brings him comfort after Blue and I are slaughtered.

The time came, however, when Bob saw for himself that the wooden slats practically bubbled out into an angry dog shape.

He went right outside to shore the fence up.

I’m still not confident that it’s secure.

So I bought an ultrasonic device that emits several different terrible sounds that only dogs can hear.

It’s supposed to stop them in their tracks.

And … it worked!

They barked, I pressed the button, and I obviously couldn’t hear a thing.

But all the dogs, including Blue, jumped away from the fence.

Whew – problem solved!

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Dog

Lessons From A Dog – It’s Not a Bad Way to Start The Day

Mostly True Memoirs

Lessons from a dog

Lessons From A Dog

Blue has come to expect a fervent and slobbery good morning kiss.

Every single day.

From each and every member of the household.

Enthusiastic leaping, wagging, and licking is a requirement.

From the dog, not necessarily from the humans.

She is wildly excited to greet each person as they awaken.

The family, on the other hand, is grumpy and delirious and hasn’t had any coffee yet.

Blue doesn’t care.

She demands a wholehearted, full-contact, good-morning wrassle.

And she always gets it.

To tell the truth, it’s not a bad way to start the day.

Unbridled happiness is her go-to mood.

We could learn some serious life lessons from a dog.

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Dog

It’s Been Confirmed

Mostly True Memoirs

It's been confirmed

It’s Been Confirmed

It’s been confirmed.

Blue gets carsick.

If anyone needs me, I’ll be spending the rest of the day detailing my car.

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