Karma’s a B**ch! I Learned It The Hard Way Today.

Mostly True Memoirs

karma's a b**ch

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Karma’s A B**ch!

Karma’s a b**ch.

I probably shouldn’t have laughed at the Grown Son.

The payback was brutal.

This time, Blue got sick all over my office.

By the time I found the mess this morning, the stench was unbearable.

It must have been brewing all night.

Blue, meanwhile, was happy as a lark.

No regrets.

We skipped her obedience class today.

I didn’t want her getting sick in my car.

Or passing her germs on to other dogs.

Are my priorities wrong?

Should I have put the other dogs’ health first, before the car?

She’s gotten carsick before, and believe me, I don’t want a repeat of that.

At any rate, she’s staying home.

My office has been cleaned and sanitized.

The windows are open, the fans are on.

The Grown Son thinks this whole episode is hilarious.

Karma’s such a b**ch.




That Spongebob Song About The Best Day Ever

Mostly True Memoirs

That Spongebob song

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That Spongebob Song

It’s the best day ever!

Spongebob sang it, so it’s gotta be true.

Today is National Puppy Day.

What could be better than National Puppy Day?

Today is also National Tamale Day.

And it’s also National Chip and Dip Day.

All these wonderful things on the same day?

It doesn’t get much better than this.

It’s also National Near Miss Day.


Come on – don’t rain on my puppy, tamale, and chip and dip parade.

I’ve got that annoying Spongebob song going through my head now.

Maybe that song is my near miss.




Whew – That Was One Disasterous Problem Solved!

Mostly True Memoirs

Whew - that was one disasterous problem solved!

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Problem Solved!

We have a new neighbor.

They have three large, territorial dogs.

Those dogs have taken strongly against Blue.

They fling themselves against the wooden fence, barking wildly.

I swear, one of these days, they’re going to break through that barrier.

Since they’re a pack and Blue is solo, guess who will lose that fight?

I discussed all of this with Bob who poo-pooed my concerns.

He told me that we don’t even own the fence, it’s on their property.

I hope that thought brings him comfort after Blue and I are slaughtered.

The time came, however, when Bob saw for himself that the wooden slats practically bubbled out into an angry dog shape.

He went right outside to shore the fence up.

I’m still not confident that it’s secure.

So I bought an ultrasonic device that emits several different terrible sounds that only dogs can hear.

It’s supposed to stop them in their tracks.

And … it worked!

They barked, I pressed the button, and I obviously couldn’t hear a thing.

But all the dogs, including Blue, jumped away from the fence.

Whew – problem solved!




Lessons From A Dog – It’s Not a Bad Way to Start The Day

Mostly True Memoirs

Lessons from a dog

Lessons From A Dog

Blue has come to expect a fervent and slobbery good morning kiss.

Every single day.

From each and every member of the household.

Enthusiastic leaping, wagging, and licking is a requirement.

From the dog, not necessarily from the humans.

She is wildly excited to greet each person as they awaken.

The family, on the other hand, is grumpy and delirious and hasn’t had any coffee yet.

Blue doesn’t care.

She demands a wholehearted, full-contact, good-morning wrassle.

And she always gets it.

To tell the truth, it’s not a bad way to start the day.

Unbridled happiness is her go-to mood.

We could learn some serious life lessons from a dog.



It’s Been Confirmed

Mostly True Memoirs

It's been confirmed

It’s Been Confirmed

It’s been confirmed.

Blue gets carsick.

If anyone needs me, I’ll be spending the rest of the day detailing my car.



It’s Such A Happy Gotcha Day

Mostly True Memoirs

Happy Gotcha Day to Blue

Happy Gotcha Day

I can’t believe it’s been a whole year.

Today is Blue’s gotcha day.

A year ago today we rescued the happiest girl in the world.

She had been abused, living in a cage, forced to breed.

Today she loves to sunbathe and chase rabbits and snooze on the sofa.

She’s living her best life.

And so are we.

We got her just two months after we lost Wrigley.

It seemed, on the one hand, too soon to get another pet.

But a house is so bleak and lonely without a dog.

Blue brought dog-joy back into our home.

Ninja is her favorite game.

She’s a black dog, and she blends into our black sofas.

Often, we can’t find her in plain sight.

When we hear her tail thump, we know she is hiding on the couch.

She also loves to torment our neighbor dogs.

They’ll all run up and down the fence, barking at each other.

Lately Blue has a new tactic.

She makes absolutely no noise, but she stealthily and silently runs up and down the fence, driving the other dogs insane.

She knows that when she barks I’ll call her inside, so now she does her tormenting in silence.

It’s the dog version of “I’m not touching you.”

I’ll bet she was a big sister in another life.

Blue is wildly happy every day, and it’s infectious.

You can’t help but be happy too, in the presence of so much joy.

Happy Gotcha Day, Blue!



These Stupid Crutches Are Going To Be The Death Of Me!

Mostly True Memoirs

These Stupid Crutches

These Stupid Crutches!

These stupid crutches have changed my entire routine.

Everything is now an enormous pain in the butt.

I’ve started holing up in my home office with some snacks so that I don’t have to leave the room all day.

There’s a bathroom next door, so my need to lurch around the house on crutches is limited.

Today, however, I was home alone.

And I kept hearing weird noises.

The dog was going in and out of the doggy door.

Again and again and again.

What the heck was she up to?

I couldn’t stand the suspense any longer.

I crutched my way to the other end of the house.

Blue was nowhere in sight.

There were no signs of doggy destruction.

I called to her, but she didn’t come.

She was probably destroying something around the side of the house.

There was nothing I could do.

I peg-legged myself back to my office.

Again, I heard the doggy door flapping.

“Oh for **** sake!” I muttered and hobbled back to the other end of the house.

Again, Blue was nowhere to be found.

Unwilling to make the perilous journey all the way across the house yet again, I plopped myself into a chair to wait for her to make that noise again.

And then I heard it.

Oh no!

It wasn’t the doggy door after all.

I had accidentally shut her in the bedroom.

Blue had been scratching on the door.

She was so excited when I freed her that I had to hold onto the door frame for dear life.

Poor girl.

Poor me.

She was about to knock me right off my only good leg.

I had to stomp my crutches to get her to calm down.

She doesn’t like those things.

To be fair, neither do I.

I hop-stepped over to the couch to cuddle an apology to her.

But she was still very excited, and I was afraid that she was going to jump on my bad knee.

I had to stomp the crutches again.

But all’s well that ends well.

She spent the rest of the day napping on the rug in my office.

Blue and I will both be glad to be done with these stupid crutches.


It’s National Dog Biscuit Day! Who Wants to Celebrate?

Mostly True Memoirs

National Dog Biscuit Day

Is This Really a Worthy Celebration?

It’s National Dog Biscuit Day.

Who thinks of these things?

I mean, I’m glad that there are dog biscuits.

Blue certainly likes them.

In Wrigley’s last days, when she wasn’t eating much, she still loved her treats.

But a national day of celebration?

Is that going too far?

Do we even know if they are good?

I do recall that my brother, when he was 5 or 6, ate a dog biscuit.

Or maybe it was dog food.

I could ask him if he thinks this holiday is worthy.

He’ll probably deny that he ever ate such a disgusting thing.

But I remember.

At any rate, Blue has started obedience training, and the treats are sure coming in handy.

I guess that’s as good a reason as any to celebrate.

Happy National Dog Biscuit Day!

Dog Lifestyle

Utilities! It’s the Ultimate Reason I Hate Snow a Whole Lot Less This Year.

Mostly True Memoirs

I hate the snow a whole lot less this year

I Hate The Snow a Whole Lot Less This Year

I hate the snow a whole lot less, I have discovered, when I have working utilities.

I didn’t mind so much chatting outdoors with the neighbors in the bone-chilling cold while my feet were getting wet because I knew I would return to my well-heated home, turn on the lights, find dry socks, throw the wet socks in the dryer, and warm myself with a hot cup of coffee.

This is in stark contrast to last year when we had a statewide power outage during a record-setting arctic-chill snowstorm.

That was awful.

We had no lights, no heat, and no water.

Today it has warmed up, and the snow has mostly melted.

Except in the shady corners of the property.

Blue has found every single shady corner.

That dog is determined to wring every last little bit of fun that she can out of the snow.

Now it’s mostly mud.

And it’s all over my floors.

I keep mopping, and she keeps tracking it in.

I have begged the family to keep the doggie door closed.

That way we can clean her up before she comes into the house.

They keep opening up the doggy door.

“It’s a beautiful day,” they say, as if that somehow justifies the mud.

Yes, it’s a beautiful day.

I would prefer to keep the beautiful day outside.



It’s 19 Degrees This Morning

Mostly True Memoirs

19 degrees

It’s 19 Degrees This Morning – Please Bring Your Pets Inside!

It’s 19 degrees this morning.

Everyone is being urged to bring their pets inside.

That’s very good advice.

But my dog doesn’t seem to care.

Blue is outside in the bitter cold stalking the woodpile.

There must be a rabbit out there.

Or maybe a ratsicle.

I was going to give her five more minutes.

But she came inside on her own.

I guess it’s too cold even for her.

The lure of the warm house was stronger than the lure of the bunny.

At least for today.