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Lifestyle

These Stupid Crutches Are Going To Be The Death Of Me!

These Stupid Crutches

These Stupid Crutches!

These stupid crutches have changed my entire routine.

Everything is now an enormous pain in the butt.

I’ve started holing up in my home office with some snacks so that I don’t have to leave the room all day.

There’s a bathroom next door, so my need to lurch around the house on crutches is limited.

Today, however, I was home alone.

And I kept hearing weird noises.

The dog was going in and out of the doggy door.

Again and again and again.

What the heck was she up to?

I couldn’t stand the suspense any longer.

I crutched my way to the other end of the house.

Blue was nowhere in sight.

There were no signs of doggy destruction.

I called to her, but she didn’t come.

She was probably destroying something around the side of the house.

There was nothing I could do.

I peg-legged myself back to my office.

Again, I heard the doggy door flapping.

“Oh for **** sake!” I muttered and hobbled back to the other end of the house.

Again, Blue was nowhere to be found.

Unwilling to make the perilous journey all the way across the house yet again, I plopped myself into a chair to wait for her to make that noise again.

And then I heard it.

Oh no!

It wasn’t the doggy door after all.

I had accidentally shut her in the bedroom.

Blue had been scratching on the door.

She was so excited when I freed her that I had to hold onto the door frame for dear life.

Poor girl.

Poor me.

She was about to knock me right off my only good leg.

I had to stomp my crutches to get her to calm down.

She doesn’t like those things.

To be fair, neither do I.

I hop-stepped over to the couch to cuddle an apology to her.

But she was still very excited, and I was afraid that she was going to jump on my bad knee.

I had to stomp the crutches again.

But all’s well that ends well.

She spent the rest of the day napping on the rug in my office.

Blue and I will both be glad to be done with these stupid crutches.

Categories
Dog

It’s National Dog Biscuit Day! Who Wants to Celebrate?

National Dog Biscuit Day

Is This Really a Worthy Celebration?

It’s National Dog Biscuit Day.

Who thinks of these things?

I mean, I’m glad that there are dog biscuits.

Blue certainly likes them.

In Wrigley’s last days, when she wasn’t eating much, she still loved her treats.

But a national day of celebration?

Is that going too far?

Do we even know if they are good?

I do recall that my brother, when he was 5 or 6, ate a dog biscuit.

Or maybe it was dog food.

I could ask him if he thinks this holiday is worthy.

He’ll probably deny that he ever ate such a disgusting thing.

But I remember.

At any rate, Blue has started obedience training, and the treats are sure coming in handy.

I guess that’s as good a reason as any to celebrate.

Happy National Dog Biscuit Day!

Categories
Dog Lifestyle

Utilities! It’s the Ultimate Reason I Hate Snow a Whole Lot Less This Year.

I hate the snow a whole lot less this year

I Hate The Snow a Whole Lot Less This Year

I hate the snow a whole lot less, I have discovered, when I have working utilities.

I didn’t mind so much chatting outdoors with the neighbors in the bone-chilling cold while my feet were getting wet because I knew I would return to my well-heated home, turn on the lights, find dry socks, throw the wet socks in the dryer, and warm myself with a hot cup of coffee.

This is in stark contrast to last year when we had a statewide power outage during a record-setting arctic-chill snowstorm.

That was awful.

We had no lights, no heat, and no water.

Today it has warmed up, and the snow has mostly melted.

Except in the shady corners of the property.

Blue has found every single shady corner.

That dog is determined to wring every last little bit of fun that she can out of the snow.

Now it’s mostly mud.

And it’s all over my floors.

I keep mopping, and she keeps tracking it in.

I have begged the family to keep the doggie door closed.

That way we can clean her up before she comes into the house.

They keep opening up the doggy door.

“It’s a beautiful day,” they say, as if that somehow justifies the mud.

Yes, it’s a beautiful day.

I would prefer to keep the beautiful day outside.

Sigh.

Categories
Dog

It’s 19 Degrees This Morning

19 degrees

It’s 19 Degrees This Morning – Please Bring Your Pets Inside!

It’s 19 degrees this morning.

Everyone is being urged to bring their pets inside.

That’s very good advice.

But my dog doesn’t seem to care.

Blue is outside in the bitter cold stalking the woodpile.

There must be a rabbit out there.

Or maybe a ratsicle.

I was going to give her five more minutes.

But she came inside on her own.

I guess it’s too cold even for her.

The lure of the warm house was stronger than the lure of the bunny.

At least for today.

Categories
Dog

I Got Played By The Dog.

I got played by the dog.

I Got Played By the Dog. Seriously? I Thought I Was Smarter Than That.

I got played by the dog.

Blue has been with us for two months.

She is settling in nicely.

Last night, at about 5:00, she did a happy dance by her bowl.

It was time for dinner.

She ate voraciously, as if she hadn’t been fed in a week.

Soon after she finished eating, Bob walked in and said, “I already fed her.”

Seriously?

I got played by the dog.

She manipulated Second Dinner out of me.

I sat her down and explained that she will destroy her girlish figure if she keeps this up.

She just smiled and wagged.

She has no regrets.

She’ll do it again if she gets the chance.

She won’t get the chance.

I’m on to her now.

Categories
Dog

The Rabbits Have Been Warned!

There's a new good girl in town.

THERE’S A NEW GOOD GIRL IN TOWN. THE RABBITS HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Wrigley was a good girl.

She was The Best Dog Ever.

But she was a terrible hunter.

Her life was spent chasing rabbits and squirrels and cats and birds.

She never once caught anything.

On a few occasions, she cornered a critter.

But it always got away.

Blue, on the other hand, has proven herself to be quite a hunter.

This weekend, she killed her first rabbit.

Ewww.

Don’t get me wrong, I hate rabbits.

They’re destructive, evil garden wreckers disguised as adorable, fluffy Disney characters.

I don’t want the rabbits killed.

I just want them chased away.

Blue didn’t get that message.

She killed it.

Thankfully she didn’t know what to do with it once she broke its neck.

It was not as gross of an ordeal as it could have been.

I’m kind of horrified.

The Grown Son is proud.

The rabbits have been warned.

There’s a new good girl in town.

Categories
Dog Family

Did We Learn Anything?

Did we learn anything?

DID WE LEARN ANY MEANINGFUL LESSONS FROM THIS ILL-ADVISED INCIDENT?

Wrigley was the Best Dog Ever.

She was the Best Dog Ever, but she wasn’t perfect.

She refused to play with toys.

She was very cute, and she was very snuggly, but she never once played ball.

Now we have Blue.

The Grown Son is thrilled that Blue loves to play fetch.

She is also learning to play tug-of-war with her rope toy.

At first, she would give it up easily when we tugged on it.

Now she is learning about the fun of hanging on.

Last night the Grown Son pulled a prank on Blue.

He snuck down the darkened hallway and jumped out at her.

Oh goodness, that was an ill-advised incident.

It did not end well.

Blue was so surprised that she peed herself.

The Grown Son spent the rest of the evening snuggling her to apologize.

He couldn’t stop laughing about her reaction, but he felt horrible about scaring her.

Lesson learned – Blue is not ready for pranks.

Lesson learned – The person who scares the pee out of the dog has to clean it up.

Lesson learned – Blue forgave the Grown Son and all is well.

Categories
Dog

Are Poodles Water Dogs?

Are Poodles water dogs?

ARE POODLES WATER DOGS?

YES, AND APPARENTLY THEY ARE MUD DOGS TOO!

Are poodles water dogs?

Wrigley was a poodle mix.

Her mixed part must have been a breed that hated water.

Wrigley was not a water dog.

She was always very disgruntled when it rained.

Blue, who is a purebred standard poodle, seems to love the water.

We got over an inch of rain yesterday.

Today the yard is soggy.

Blue went outside, and she came back absolutely caked in mud.

She didn’t mind at all that I had to hose her down.

I minded.

It was only 48 degrees outside.

But I had no choice – that mud was NOT coming into the house.

I’m not sure, but I think she was laughing the entire time.

Lesson learned – Blue stays on a leash when it’s muddy outside!

Categories
Dog

Such An Amazing Thing!

Such an amazing thing Blue taught herself to do today!

SUCH AN AMAZING THING BLUE TAUGHT HERSELF TO DO TODAY!

I have been trying to get Blue to use the doggy door.

She’s terrified of it.

I haven’t pushed the issue.

I don’t want to stress her out.                          

She’s only been with us a few weeks.

I do hope that she figures it out before the weather turns cold.

I’m dreading the thought of opening the door on frosty mornings.

Today she stuck her head outside and looked around.

Then she tentatively brought her front legs out.

I gave her a gentle push from behind before she could cower back inside.

She startled when the door flap bounced off her rear end.

But then she was very pleased to find herself outside.

All day long she went inside and outside and inside again.

Each time, we did a happy dance together.

What a good girl.

Such an amazing thing Blue taught herself to do today!

Categories
Dog

Photos of An All-Black Dog

Can you help me take better photos of my all-black dog?

Can you help me take better photos of my all-black dog?

An all-black dog is hard to photograph.

She is gorgeous, but her features blend together in a pic.

I tried to use an eye-enhancement app, but it said that it could not detect any eyes.

Which is exactly my problem.

To make matters even more difficult, she is curly.

The camera just doesn’t know where to focus.

I’ve taken a zillion pictures of an undefined black blob.

If anyone has any advice for taking pics of a curly, all-black dog, let me know.

But please, please, please keep any advice idiot proof.

It’s all I can handle.