A Bruised Toenail And A Serious Decision To Be Made

Mostly True Memoirs

A bruised toenail and a serious decision to be made

A Bruised Toenail

When my boys were little, they were terrified of the Tooth Fairy.

They didn’t want some crazy-a$$ fairy getting all into their business while they slept.

They decided to leave their teeth under my pillow instead of their own.


I didn’t want some crazy-a$$ fairy getting all into my business either.

However, this idea did present some simple logistics for the whole tooth-fairy thing.

The teeth went under my pillow.

Fast forward to today.

Bob recently injured his big toe.

The nail became horribly discolored.

Today the bruised toenail popped off of his foot in one large piece.

A callus developed underneath the nail, so it wasn’t really gross at all.

The horrible part was the actual toenail.

Bob proudly displayed his disgusting souvenir to the family.

The Grown Sons wondered if he put it under his pillow, would the Tooth Fairy bring him a quarter?

Bob guessed that the Tooth Fairy would be a little offended at this particular offering.

“I came all the way here for THAT?” is what she might say.

Before punching him in the teeth.

Bob decided that he doesn’t want some crazy-a$$ fairy getting all into his business while he sleeps.

So he’s going to leave that nasty, bruised toenail under my pillow.

Of course, he’ll have to weigh the options of a crazy-a$$ wife versus a crazy-a$$ Tooth Fairy.

It’s his call.



That Spongebob Song About The Best Day Ever

Mostly True Memoirs

That Spongebob song

That Spongebob Song

It’s the best day ever!

Spongebob sang it, so it’s gotta be true.

Today is National Puppy Day.

What could be better than National Puppy Day?

Today is also National Tamale Day.

And it’s also National Chip and Dip Day.

All these wonderful things on the same day?

It doesn’t get much better than this.

It’s also National Near Miss Day.


Come on – don’t rain on my puppy, tamale, and chip and dip parade.

I’ve got that annoying Spongebob song going through my head now.

Maybe that song is my near miss.



Stop That – Don’t Make A Fool Of Yourself!

Mostly True Memoirs

Stop that!

Stop That!

I caved.

I didn’t mean to do it.

But I did it.

I read Prince Harry’s memoir, Spare.

It’s an awkward read.

There’s a glaring lack of personal accountability.

He is very angry that the tabloids have written humiliating stories about his foolish behavior in public.

But not once does he acknowledge he caused these situations to happen with his drinking, pot smoking, and drug taking.

Perhaps he should consider staying sober in public.

He might complain that it isn’t fair.

But seriously, it’s the Social Media Age.

We all should behave as if an image will be posted of whatever it is that we’re doing.

Because it probably will.

It’s not necessarily a bad thing.

It might inspire more of us to behave with a little more dignity.

Even Prince Harry.



A Very Special Birthday Dinner With Mushrooms

Mostly True Memoirs

A very special birthday dinner with mushrooms

A Special Birthday Dinner

It was my mother’s birthday.

She’s been gone a long time now.

Every year I make her a special birthday dinner.

We always have chicken tetrazzini.

It’s a pasta dish with chicken and mushrooms in a cream and wine sauce.

It’s delicious.

Mom loved it.

Every year, The Grown Sons complain bitterly about the mushrooms.

Every year I tell them that I don’t care if they don’t like it.

Grandma liked it.

That’s all that counts.

Every year, they come up with new and innovative ways to insult the mushrooms.

I guess we’re creating new family traditions.

Not, perhaps, the traditions that I had in mind.

But still.

Mom loved a well-placed insult.

She would have been greatly entertained by The Grown Sons’ vulgar descriptions of the mushrooms.

But soon she would have shut them down.

She had a terrific sense of humor.

But not a whole lot of patience.

Happy birthday, Mom, I miss you every day.



The Moral Of The Story Is Care!

Mostly True Memoirs

The moral of the story is care!

The Moral Of The Story

I glanced through Prince Harry’s autobiography, Spare.

I couldn’t bring myself to actually read it.

The news headlines have told me more than enough.

But I did notice that his father calls him Darling Boy.

I immediately thought of Pierre.

You know, from the children’s picture book by Maurice Sendak

Pierre is a spoiled, miserable child with a horrible attitude.

He had such a nasty disposition that when he got swallowed by a lion, he made the lion sick.

Pierre’s mother called him Darling Boy.

Was Charles being affectionate or was he being sarcastic when he called his son Darling Boy?

Either way, that story must now and forever be read with a royal British accent.

The moral of Pierre is – Care!



What In The World Is Going On Today? I Don’t Know

Mostly True Memoirs

I don't know

I Don’t Know

Here we go again, changing the clocks for Daylight Savings.

Or is it Standard Time?

I don’t know.

I know it’s Spring Forward and Fall Back.

But which season is Daylight Savings and which season is Standard?

I don’t even know anymore.

But I do know that I hate changing the time.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the longer days.

I just can’t get over that lost hour.

Also, it’s winter again.

We had spring last week, with 80-degree days.

Today is in the 50s.

Why is it that a 55-degree day after an 80-degree day is so freaking cold?

On any other winter day, 55 would be balmy and pleasant.

Is it winter?

Is it spring?

Is it morning?

Is it evening?

I don’t know.

I can’t tell.

I’m disoriented and tired and cranky.

I’m going to go curl up in a big blanket, drink hot tea, and read a book.

And I’m going to stay there until I can figure out what time it is.



Grima! I Will Make Great Use Of This New Word

Mostly True Memoirs

Grima! Like nails on a chalkboard.


Today is National Proofreading Day.

I was going to discuss the misuse of apostrophes.

It drives me stark, raving crazy.

I wanted to say that the abuse of this particular punctuation mark is, to me, like nails on a chalkboard.

But I realized that this phrase is dated.

No one uses chalkboards anymore.

I researched a more modern way to say it.

And I learned the word “grima.”

It’s of Spanish origin, and it means, “that terrible feeling you get when you hear nails on a chalkboard.”

Who knew there was a word for it?

Where has this word been all my life?

I absolutely could have used this word back in the day.

At any rate, I am no longer so annoyed at apostrophes.

Go ahead and misuse them.

It will give me the opportunity to use my new word.




CJ Box Signed My Book, And He Gave Some Excellent Advice

Mostly True Memoirs

CJ Box signed my book

CJ Box Signed My Book

CJ Box held a book signing event at the local library.

It was so much fun!

I thought, on a weekday afternoon, that it wouldn’t be crowded.

I was wrong.

It was packed.

He gave some great advice to prospective writers.


Read everything.

Read outside your normal taste.

I couldn’t agree more.

I read mysteries, memoir, classics, biography, poetry, screenplays, children’s lit, nonfiction, anything I can get my hands on.

Except horror.

I won’t read horror.

I’ve read The Exorcist.

And The Shining.

That’s more than enough horror for me.

I can’t wait to start reading Storm Watch.

Thanks, CJ Box, it was a great afternoon.



How I Survived The First Spring Storm Of The Year

Mostly True Memoirs

The first spring storm

The First Spring Storm

Wow, what a spring storm!

I hate tornadoes.

I was a nervous wreck all day, checking the news constantly.

Finally, at 6:00 pm, the sirens went off.


I live in the back of the neighborhood, and I can never hear them unless I’m outside and it’s a clear, quiet day.

In other words, I can hear the sirens perfectly on testing day but never in an actual storm.

I subscribed for a phone alert, though, so it’s all good.

We sheltered in the closet.

The storm was so loud it was like a train was going through the house.

At that moment, when it appeared that the roof was going to blow off and it may, perhaps, be the end of times…I got a call from a telemarketer.

I wonder what Rob Anspach would have done.

At any rate, the storm passed without any real damage, just a mess of leaves and debris.


I survived the first spring storm of the year.

And another telemarketing scam.



I’m An Avid Reader, And Now They Are Too!

Mostly True Memoirs

Avid reader

Now We’re All Avid Readers

I’ve always been an avid reader.

There are usually three or four books going at the same time.

I used to be the only person in my family using the online library system.

That changed during the quarantine.

The whole family started using my account.

Today, three years later, they’re still using my account.

I couldn’t be happier.

My guys are reading books!

Today there was an argument.

Someone messed up someone else’s bookmark and lost their place.

Oh, my heart!

They’re arguing.

About books.

I have lived my entire life for this moment.

When my boys were little, I read to them religiously.

I thought that reading to your kids would make them avid readers.

It did not.

Until it finally did.

My next goal is to get them to discuss the books with me.

I know, I know, I shouldn’t get too greedy, but I can still hope, can’t I?

Covid was good for something – my guys turned into avid readers.