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Dog Training Is Doing Better Than Kid Training

Mostly True Memoirs

Dog training is doing better than kid training

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Dog Training/Kid Training

Blue’s dog training classes are going well.

She no longer rummages through the garbage.

Or counter surfs.

So I thought.

What I have inadvertently taught her is to not do these things in front of people.

Yesterday she was left alone for an hour.

The Grown Son came home to an upturned garbage can and a big mess.

He didn’t know what to do.

So he took a pic and sent it to me.

Seriously?

“Get a broom,” I told him, “and sweep it up.”

Duh.

Did he really need me to tell him that?

I’m going to set up a trap with Zoom so I can catch Blue in the act.

I have no idea what I’m going to do with the kid.

Maybe the dog training guy will know what to do.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Lifestyle

An Awkward Moment Led To A New BFF

Mostly True Memoirs

An awkward moment

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An Awkward Moment

It was an awkward moment.

A construction project has started on the main road in my neighborhood.

At the same time as a horrible heat wave.

I feel sorry for the road workers.

They have to wear long sleeves and long pants.

And reflective vests.

And hardhats and boots and gloves.

They must be miserable in this heat.

I was at a dead stop in the construction zone.

One worker lifted his shirt to wipe down his face.

Flashing his massive, sweaty, hairy belly.

Right outside my car window.

He was so close I could have reached out and touched him.

If I had wanted to.

Which I most definitely did not.

When he lowered his shirt, we made accidental eye contact.

Awkward!!!

I burst out laughing.

He was obviously embarrassed.

But he laughed too.

And waved.

I guess that makes him my new BFF.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Lifestyle

A Wasp Nest, And A Solution To The Problem

Mostly True Memoirs

A wasp nest

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A Wasp Nest

A wasp nest.

I found it just outside the front door.

So I knocked it down.

The wasps were furious.

I did the only thing I could think of to do.

I screamed.

Then I ran inside.

And locked the door.

Because that’s what you do.

Those angry wasps keep coming back and swarming the spot.

And I keep sweeping them away with the broom.

I’ve wised up over the days.

To prevent them from flying into the house, I close the door.

But I keep it off the latch so I can jump inside quickly.

I continue to scream.

Because that’s what you do.

And I always lock the door.

Stupid wasps.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Lifestyle

Don’t Redact The Trigger Word – Find A Better Word

Mostly True Memoirs

Trigger Word - Don't Redact, Find A Better Word

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Stop The Redactions

What’s with all the trigger word redactions in online stories?

I understand using redactions for personal information.

It’s obvious, based on context, that private details are blacked out.

And that’s appropriate.

But lately, I’ve seen random redactions.

Sometimes you can figure out what was written.

Most of the time you can’t.

All those blacked-out words turn the story into complete nonsense.

Words like “drugs,” “drunk,” and “assault” are censored.

Why?

I know these are trigger words, but if they are a necessary element to the story, then those are the words you need to use.

If you, the writer, aren’t comfortable using a particular trigger word, find a different term to use.

But don’t publish a piece with redactions.

It’s insulting to the reader.

It unnecessarily dumbs down your own story.

It’s the worst possible example of bowdlerizing.

If the story is not fit to share, don’t share it.

But if you are going to share it, have the courage to share every glorious word.

Stop with the redactions already.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Categories
Dog

Trust Issues – It’s Why Blue Dawg Stayed On The Leash

Mostly True Memoirs

Trust issues - it's why Blue Dawg stayed on the leash

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Trust Issues

I have trust issues.

We had friends over to BBQ.

I kept Blue on a leash connected to my belt loop with a D-ring.

She is a very naughty girl.

I don’t trust her.

Not for one second.

Not while steak is within reach.

Since we’ve resumed training, she’s become quite well behaved.

On the leash, she heeled and sat and didn’t bark at all.

She tried to convince me that since she was such a good girl, I could take the leash off.

Ha!

No way.

There was food everywhere.

There were people everywhere.

There were dishes everywhere.

Nope.

Blue has a reputation for eating anything she can get her hands on.

Or snout.

Whatever.

She has no morals and no regrets.

And I have trust issues.

The leash stayed on.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

READ MORE STORIES ABOUT BLUE

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Lifestyle

Flies. I Now Know Why We Have So Many Flies

Mostly True Memoirs

I now know why we have so many flies.

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Stupid Flies

Flies.

Where are they coming from?

We have big, enormous, swarming, annoying pests.

That bite.

I’ve never seen them like this before.

It turns out they’re coming from the blackberries.

Because it’s been raining so much, I haven’t been able to pick the berries as fast as they’re ripening.

Hence the insects.

Today I cut the old growth down.

I covered myself from head to toe.

Because of the flies.

That bite.

I’m done with the blackberries for the season.

There’s already a lot of new growth started.

I’m going to keep it all trimmed down.

To a more manageable size.

Stupid flies.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Lifestyle

Speeding. It’s A Bad Idea. On This Particular Street.

Mostly True Memoirs

Speeding is never a good idea.

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Speeding. It’s a Bad Idea.

There’s a segment of Basswood Blvd that’s in the middle of nowhere.

So, of course, everyone speeds.

Why not?

Why not, indeed.

I got pulled over recently.

For speeding.

Luckily I only got a warning and not a ticket.

I learned my lesson.

Now I go the speed limit.

Who knows where that cop might be hiding out?

Today, cars were speeding past me and honking because I was going so slow.

I was hoping one of them would get pulled over.

But that cop was not out today.

I’ve pushed my luck as far as I’m going to risk it.

Let them honk.

I’m going 30 on Basswood.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Categories
Lifestyle

The Movie Is Never As Good As The Book

Mostly True Memoirs

This movie was great!

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It’s A Great Movie!

I didn’t know that As I Lay Dying was made into a movie.

How did I miss that?

I would have thought it would be an old, classic flick.

But it’s modern.

Ish.

2013.

I was very pleasantly surprised to see that this movie followed the book closely.

Most film adaptations take wild liberties with the story.

The book is always better than the movie.

Well, almost always.

This movie was really good.

But when it was over, I felt mildly disturbed.

It’s not a happy-ever-after kind of story.

I had to watch a few episodes of Seinfeld to clear my brain out.

There’s nothing like a little Kramer to help you forget, well, everything.

The same actors also made The Sound and The Fury.

I’ll have to watch that, too.

But I’ll give it  a week or so.

There’s only so much Faulkner you can take at one time.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Categories
Lifestyle

It’s Obnoxious – Don’t Use Your Speaker In Public!

Mostly True Memoirs

Don't use the speaker in public!

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Don’t Use Your Speaker In Public!

At the pharmacy today, the woman behind me entered the store in the middle of a very loud conversation on speaker mode with her daughter.

How did I know it was her daughter?

She called the woman Mom.

They spoke at length about a trip to Costco.

And dropping the kids off at swimming lessons.

And then picking them up.

They were as loud as they were inane.

Why did the woman stay on speakerphone?

Why didn’t she wait outside until she was done?

Did the daughter know that everyone could hear her?

The guy who was helping me was so distracted that he kept making mistakes.

Which only prolonged the agony.

It wasn’t his fault.

He’s usually very efficient.

If I were a bold and nervy sort of person, I would have joined the conversation.

Or at the very least, I would have done something distracting.

Or rude.

But I am neither bold nor nervy.

I simply endured.

And promised myself I will NEVER use the speaker in public.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Lifestyle

It Was Worth It – A Great Book Is Always Worth It!

Mostly True Memoirs

It was totally worth it!

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It Was Totally Worth It!

It was worth it.

I just read Remarkably Bright Creatures for a book club.

You can’t find it for love or money in any library.

There’s a 12-week wait on Overdrive.

I was tempted to just skip the read this month.

But then I saw it in a bookstore so I picked it up.

And boy, am I glad I did.

I loved this story.

I have just spent the entire morning watching Giant Pacific Octopus clips on YouTube.

No it wasn’t a waste of time.

It was enriching.

And educational.

But now I have a morning’s worth of work to catch up on.

It was totally worth it.

A great book is always worth it.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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