Categories
Lifestyle

The New Texas Chainsaw Lumberjack

The New Texas Chainsaw Lumberjack

The other day, Bob trimmed some tree branches with the chainsaw.

Why do men always curse like a drunken sailor when they’re using power tools?

My darling husband denies that he does this, but seriously, it happens every time.

Anyway, when he was done, he told me that I could use the chainsaw to cut up the debris.

I was shocked.

He usually tells me to stay away from the power tools.

Far, far away.

There was that incident with the belt sander years ago…

But that’s a story for another time.

At any rate, none of the boys were around to help that day.

So I did it.

Bob hovered, worried that I might cut off an arm or a leg, or worse, sever the power cord.

I did none of those things.

And I didn’t curse either.

But I did sing Monty Python’s lumberjack song.

It’s still going through my head today.

“I’m a lumberjack and I’m OK…”

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

This post might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

HOW TO CULTIVATE YOUR FUNNY STORY IDEAS

IT’S YOURS! A FREE GUIDE – Four Easy Steps To Editing Your Perfect Social Media Post. All you’ve got to do is SUBSCRIBE!

Categories
Lifestyle Work

Yes, There Are Still Lots Of Great Kids Out There

Yes, there are still lots of great kids out there

I just binged Adolescence.

Oh. My. God.

Everyone is talking about how this generation is so messed up.

The thing is, though, we only ever hear the bad stories.

We never hear of a story going viral about some kid who took out the trash AND put a new liner in the can.

We never hear of a story going viral about a kid who found a dog, checked the tags, and made sure that it got home safely.

We never hear of a story going viral about kid who followed instructions and turned their homework in on time.

There are plenty of great kids out there.

I have a middle-school student who told me that he wrote a book.

It wasn’t an assignment, he just wanted to do it.

He very excitedly told me all about the plot, and he promised that he would upload it for me to read.

I can’t wait!

Another student, only ten years old, knew what a hyperbole was.

And if that wasn’t enough, a few days later, we were discussing idioms such as “the apple of my eye,” and “it’s raining cats and dogs,” and he said, “That’s like a hyperbole, right?”

Yes, you brilliant child, yes, it is.

Another time, we were discussing apostrophes, and I told the kids that it drives me absolutely crazy to see apostrophes in plurals.

You see it all the time, especially in restaurants with handwritten signs.

One girl asked timidly, “So what do we do when we see it?”

“Nothing!” I assured her, “it’s rude to randomly correct people.”

She giggled in relief.

I think that she was afraid that she would have to correct the sign.

Nope.

She can just be proud that she knows how to use an apostrophe correctly.

Mr. Rogers said that during times of crisis, look for the helpers.

To paraphrase Mr. Rogers, after you watch Adolescence, look for the great kids.

They’re out there.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

This post might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

HOW TO CULTIVATE YOUR FUNNY STORY IDEAS

IT’S YOURS! A FREE GUIDE – Four Easy Steps To Editing Your Perfect Social Media Post. All you’ve got to do is SUBSCRIBE!

Categories
Lifestyle

How To Shatter the Sunday Morning Silence

How to shatter the Sunday morning silence

I woke up really early on Sunday morning and decided to do some yard work at first light.

I tried really, really, really hard to be quiet so I wouldn’t wake the neighbors.

So, of course, it made sense that today of all days I knocked over the wall of rakes and shovels and equipment that we keep in the metal garden shed.

It made a resounding crash noise.

Over and over and over again, as each item fell.

Darn it!

Then I stabbed myself in the ribs on a wayward tree branch.

The stabbing didn’t make any noise at all, but my curse word sure did!

“Son of a $%*(@AX#IO!”

Then a train went by.

This was the loudest train I have ever heard.

It was squeaking and screeching and squawking and sounded like it could use a railroad-sized spray of WD40.

Blue did not like that noise and started howling.

So yeah, I made a huge racket very early on a Sunday morning.

And it was all for nothing because it quickly became way too windy to do any yard work anyway.

The next time I get the urge to do early morning chores, I’ll just pour myself another cup of coffee and read a book.

It’s quieter that way.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

This post might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

HOW TO CULTIVATE YOUR FUNNY STORY IDEAS

IT’S YOURS! A FREE GUIDE – Four Easy Steps To Editing Your Perfect Social Media Post. All you’ve got to do is SUBSCRIBE!

Categories
Family Lifestyle

Moms Know – Always Listen To The Moms

Moms know - always listen to the moms

Saint Patrick’s Day is over, but I still have it on my mind.

Years ago, on Saint Patrick’s Day, it was Spring Break, and my husband and older son were going on a trip.

We had to drive to the airport for an early morning flight.

The younger son wanted to stay home and sleep.

However, he wasn’t old enough to stay home alone for the length of time I would be gone.

I assured him that he could roll into the car in his pajamas, sleep on the drive, and roll back to bed when we got home.

He complained and complained and complained and complained and complained.

This was unusual, because he was usually a very cheerful and pleasant child.

His griping was getting on everyone’s nerves, and the whole family was cranky and snappish.

As we were driving down the freeway, I turned to the back seat to tell him to pipe down, and to perhaps throw out a few random threats that I probably wouldn’t carry out, when I saw his face.

“Pull over,” I told Bob urgently, “He’s going to be sick.”

“No, he’s not,” Bob snarled back, “He’s just whining.”

Sure enough, just a few minutes later, the kid got carsick.

Violently carsick.

Moms know.

We had to pull over in a gas station to clean up as best as we could.

I didn’t say a word for the rest of the ride.

Neither did the kid, who now felt much better, and had cheerfully stopped his complaining.

However, after we dropped off the other two, I had a few questions for him.

“How many cupcakes did you eat at your Saint Patrick’s Day party at school yesterday?” I asked.

“The teacher said we could each have one,” he replied angelically.

“Yeah, but how many did you sneak after that?”

He looked at me sheepishly.

“How did you know?” he asked meekly.

“Moms know everything,” I told him.

Also, his vomit was green.

We spent that Saint Patrick’s Day steam cleaning the car.

From that point forward, Bob always pulled over when I asked.

And no one ever got carsick inside the car again.

Moms know.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

This post might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

YOUR VOICE MATTERS – YOUR STORY IS POWERFUL

IT’S YOURS! A FREE GUIDE – Four Easy Steps To Editing Your Perfect Social Media Post. All you’ve got to do is SUBSCRIBE!

Categories
Lifestyle Work

Why It’s OK To Shenanigate Every Now And Then

Why It's OK To Shenanigate Every Now And Then

It was Saint Patrick’s Day – a perfect day to shenanigate!

Is shenanigate a word?

Yes!

Well, maybe not in the dictionary.

But it’s obvious what it means.

Grammar may be the bones of any language.

But wordplay is the personality.

If we all spoke in perfect, formal English all the time, the world would be a dreary place.

Boring, and pompous, and tiresome.

Once, while teaching an online class, I told the group to hold on a second because my mouse wasn’t mousing.

Everyone burst out laughing.

They were surprised to hear an English teacher, a writer, and an editor speak like that.

But they understood me, didn’t they?

Even though “mousing” isn’t a word, in that context, it was perfectly logical.

The golden rule of playing with words is that you still have to make sense.

It’s OK to shenanigate on Saint Patrick’s Day.

You know what it means.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

This post might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

HOW TO PLAY WITH WORDS TO EXPLORE THE HUMOR OF WORDPLAY

IT’S YOURS! A FREE GUIDE – Four Easy Steps To Editing Your Perfect Social Media Post. All you’ve got to do is SUBSCRIBE!

Categories
Lifestyle

It’s A Festivus Miracle In March!

It's a Festivus miracle in March!

I was very surprised to find four unadorned, aluminum poles in the backyard under the kitchen window.

Are these Festivus poles?

It’s not even Festivus season.

What’s going on?

It turns out that Bob bought them to repair the fence section that fell in the storm last week.

These poles have a very high strength-to-weight ratio, which, apparently, our former fence poles did not.

Frank Costanza would be pleased.

I’m going to name this new section of our fence “Fenstivus.”

“…and at the festivus celebration, you gather your family around and tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year.”

It’s a Festivus miracle!

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

This post might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

HOW TO CULTIVATE YOUR FUNNY STORY IDEAS

IT’S YOURS! A FREE GUIDE – Four Easy Steps To Editing Your Perfect Social Media Post. All you’ve got to do is SUBSCRIBE!

Categories
Lifestyle Work

Why You Need To Write Conflict Into Your Stories

Why you need to write conflict into your stories

A good story requires conflict.

Conflict is what drives the narrative forward.

Without conflict, all you’ve got is a list of things that happened.

And that’s not compelling.

Let’s take, for example, a story about a trip to your local coffee shop.

If you say that you met a friend, ordered your drinks, chatted with each other, and then left, that’s not a story.

It’s a list of things that happened.

Can you imagine how your story might be improved if you threw in some conflict?

What if you found yourself sitting next to your overbearing boss?

Awkward!

What if your friend gave you some devastating news?

Oof!

What if, at the table next to you, there were some teenagers dressed in chicken suits?

What?

Now you’ve got a good story.

Want to learn more about story development?

Join one of my writing workshops!

Seats are filling up fast.

Grab a seat while they’re still available.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

This post might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

HOW TO FIND GREAT STORY ARC IDEAS

IT’S YOURS! A FREE GUIDE – Four Easy Steps To Editing Your Perfect Social Media Post. All you’ve got to do is SUBSCRIBE!

Categories
Lifestyle

Your Voice Matters – How To Embrace Storytelling

Your Voice Matters

Your Voice Matters

Your voice matters.

Make storytelling your New Year’s Resolution.

Everyone has a story to tell.

Yes, even you.

Especially you.

Storytelling isn’t just about writing novels.

Although it certainly can be.

Storytelling is also how you post to social media.

It’s how you engage with customers.

And it’s how you shoot the breeze with your friends and family.

Inspiration can be found in the simplest moments of your day.

I write stories about the most mundane things.

My dog, a trip to the store, waffles.

Every moment can be turned into a story.

Start to tell your own personal narrative now.

Read my blog for inspiration.

I teach writing, speaking, and ESL, and I use my blog posts to open up class discussions.

Join in on that discussion.

Comment, and I promise I’ll respond.

Your story is worthy.

Your voice matters.

Make storytelling your New Year’s Resolution.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

This page might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

CHECK OUT SOME FREE WRITING RESOURCES!

CLICK HERE TO COMMENT – I PROMISE I’LL RESPOND

Click to SUBSCRIBE so you’ll never miss an update! As an added bonus, you’ll receive a FREE GUIDE – Four Easy Steps To Editing Your Perfect Social Media Post. It’s a great resource to review before any post goes live.

Categories
Lifestyle

Gift Exchange Ideas They Will Love!

Gift Exchange Ideas

Gift Exchange Ideas

There were some great gift exchange ideas.

I was the most-stolen-from guest at the Dirty Santa Gift Swap.

My first present was a chocolate assortment.

They were high-quality chocolates.

So yeah, I got robbed right away.

My next gift was a soap assortment.

It was high-quality soaps.

I got robbed again.

The next package was an absolute winner.

A People of Walmart coloring book.

Everyone was passing it around, laughing hysterically.

I was already working out in my mind who I would color which picture for.

And I was already composing the inscriptions that I would add.

But would you believe it – I got robbed yet again.

I was quite disappointed.

This is exactly why the game is called Dirty Santa.

However, in the end, I received the Best Gift Ever, so it’s all OK.

What did I get?

A waffle blanket.

Yes, a waffle blanket.

A blanket patterned like a waffle.

What a great gift exchange idea.

I had never even thought of such a thing.

I’ve thought of waffles for breakfast.

Or dessert.

Or even for dinner.

I have never thought of waffles as a blanket.

It’s one of those things that you never knew was missing from your life.

However, once you’ve had a taste of it, you wonder how you ever got along before.

Who doesn’t love waffles?

Who doesn’t love blankets?

Wouldn’t everyone want to be wrapped in a warm and fluffy waffle on a cold winter night?

What will they think of next – a bacon blanket?

OMG

I already know what I want next year.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

Click to SUBSCRIBE so you’ll never miss an update! As an added bonus, you’ll receive a FREE GUIDE – Four Easy Steps To Editing Your Perfect Social Media Post. It’s a great resource to review before any post goes live.

CHECK OUT SOME FREE WRITING RESOURCES!

CLICK HERE TO COMMENT – I PROMISE I’LL RESPOND

Categories
Lifestyle

My Inner Clean Freak Freaks Out On This Day

Clean Freak

Clean Freak

The holidays conflict with my inner clean freak.

It’s not just one day, it’s the whole season.

It starts with Thanksgiving.

The weather is still warm and pleasant.

There are beautiful fall leaves on the trees.

Anticipation is in the air.

All month there are parties.

Decorations.

Delicious food.

And gifts.

Then the weather starts to get colder.

The leaves drop from the trees.

And the anticipation keeps building.

It’s such a lovely time of year.

Until December 26.

Like clockwork, I wake up feeling Grinchy.

The house is a wreck.

I’ve been eating nothing but junk for an entire month.

And I’m exhausted.

My inner clean freak wants to pick up the house immediately.

What was festive yesterday is aggravating clutter today.

I am done with the holidays.

Would I be a Debbie Downer  if I put away the holiday stuff today?

Yeah, probably.

I’ll leave it all up for another day or so.

But my entire house will be picked up, swept, dusted, and scrubbed to start the new year.

It was fun, but now I’m done.

The holidays are over.

Right on schedule, my inner clean freak is screaming for mercy.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

Click to SUBSCRIBE so you’ll never miss an update! As an added bonus, you’ll receive a FREE GUIDE – Four Easy Steps To Editing Your Perfect Social Media Post. It’s a great resource to review before any post goes live.

CHECK OUT SOME FREE WRITING RESOURCES!

CLICK HERE TO COMMENT – I PROMISE I’LL RESPOND