Mostly True Memoirs
These Stupid Crutches!
These stupid crutches have changed my entire routine.
Everything is now an enormous pain in the butt.
I’ve started holing up in my home office with some snacks so that I don’t have to leave the room all day.
There’s a bathroom next door, so my need to lurch around the house on crutches is limited.
Today, however, I was home alone.
And I kept hearing weird noises.
The dog was going in and out of the doggy door.
Again and again and again.
What the heck was she up to?
I couldn’t stand the suspense any longer.
I crutched my way to the other end of the house.
Blue was nowhere in sight.
There were no signs of doggy destruction.
I called to her, but she didn’t come.
She was probably destroying something around the side of the house.
There was nothing I could do.
I peg-legged myself back to my office.
Again, I heard the doggy door flapping.
“Oh for **** sake!” I muttered and hobbled back to the other end of the house.
Again, Blue was nowhere to be found.
Unwilling to make the perilous journey all the way across the house yet again, I plopped myself into a chair to wait for her to make that noise again.
And then I heard it.
It wasn’t the doggy door after all.
I had accidentally shut her in the bedroom.
Blue had been scratching on the door.
She was so excited when I freed her that I had to hold onto the door frame for dear life.
She was about to knock me right off my only good leg.
I had to stomp my crutches to get her to calm down.
She doesn’t like those things.
To be fair, neither do I.
I hop-stepped over to the couch to cuddle an apology to her.
But she was still very excited, and I was afraid that she was going to jump on my bad knee.
I had to stomp the crutches again.
But all’s well that ends well.
She spent the rest of the day napping on the rug in my office.
Blue and I will both be glad to be done with these stupid crutches.