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Family

No More Slumber Parties

Mostly True Memoirs

No more slumber parties!

No More Slumber Parties

No more slumber parties! Boys are dumb, and they only get dumber late at night. I have the ER bills to prove it.

Long ago, I put a stop to my sons’ sleepovers.

I had to.

It’s because boys are dumb.

I’m sorry, but it’s true.

“Hey, watch this,” and “Dude, look what I can do,” proves my point.

It always ends badly.

Groups of boys are significantly dumber than solitary boys.

The dumbness grows exponentially in the wee hours of the night.

The collective dumbness of a group of boys late at night is significantly greater than the sum of their individual parts during daylight hours.

I know.

I have the emergency room bills to prove it.

No more slumber parties.

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Family Lifestyle

Sticker Shock At The Grocery Store

Mostly True Memoirs

Sticker shock at the grocery store

What is up with the outrageous sticker shock at the grocery store? The Grown Son is not going to get his Buffalo chicken wings for dinner.

What is up with the outrageous sticker shock at the grocery store?

The post-surgical Grown Son requested Buffalo chicken wings for dinner.

He’s not going to get it.

Not at that price.

What is going on?

Prices are outrageous.

The produce looks terrible.

And there are a lot of items out of stock.

The Grown Son is not going to get Buffalo chicken wings for dinner.

He will get Buffalo chicken drumsticks.

If he doesn’t like it, he can go shopping and pay for those overpriced wings himself.

Sheesh!

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Family

How To Survive Those Postop Days In One Stupidly Easy Step

Mostly True Memoirs

Mostly True Memoirs

How to survive those postop days in one stupidly easy step.

Those pills kept the patient and the caregiver very, very happy!

It was a stupidly easy solution.

The Grown Son did very well post operatively.

He was on a lot of pain pills.

We spent several lovely days binging The Wire.

However, it’s time to start cutting back on the medications.

Now he is cranky.

Very cranky.

Those pills killed both of our problems.

I’m going to miss that peaceful, post-surgical mood.

Those pain pills were a stupidly easy solution to all kinds of problems.

Now I need to get him well enough to get his cranky a$$ back to his own apartment.

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Family

It’s A Super Easy Solution For How To Pass The Buck!

Mostly True Memoirs

A super easy solution.

It’s a super easy solution! Just get your family to do your dirty work for you. All you have to do is scold them when they’re done.

I bought a roll of plastic wrap.

I hardly ever use it.

It’s a very wasteful product.

This one box should last me several years.

Unless I just chuck it now.

The package is wonky.

There were only a couple of boxes left in the store.

And they were all crushed.

I had no choice but to buy a bent box.

Every time I use it, the whole roll pops out and gets twisted.

I’m tempted to chuck the entire thing into the garbage.

But I can’t because that would be very wasteful.

I’m hoping that one of my guys will lose their temper and throw it out.

That would spare me the personal guilt of being wasteful.

It would also spare me the aggravation of the wonky plastic wrap box.

As an additional delightful bonus, I could scold them on the sins being wasteful.

Of course, I will wait until after trash day to deliver that sanctimonious reprimand.

Now we wait.

It’s a super easy solution!

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Dog Family

An All Nighter! That’s How We’re Ringing in the New Year!

Mostly True Memoirs

An all-nighter for New Years!

An all-nighter! That’s how we’re ringing in the New Year!

I wasn’t expecting an all-nighter.

We celebrated the New Year at a neighborhood street party.

I popped back home to check on Blue.

We had left her inside.

She doesn’t like being home alone.

When she’s lonely, she gets destructive.

Sure enough, she had made a huge mess.

Surprisingly, though, she didn’t get into the trash.

We had gotten takeout from Babe’s for dinner.

If I were Blue, I would have gobbled up that Babe’s garbage.

It was probably yummy.

I was finally ready for bed at 1:30.

But then the phone rang.

I’ve always told my kids to call me for a ride if they need it, no questions asked.

The Grown Son needed a ride home.

By the time we settled down for sleep again, it was well after 3:00.

I was exhausted.

At 5:00 Blue barked to go out.

Of course she barked to go out.

She had eaten an entire loaf of bread as well as the whole fruit bowl, and now she had to throw up.

It’s a predictable routine.

It’s been a long time since I pulled an all-nighter for New Year’s.

I kind of remember it being a lot more fun.

But yeah, that’s how we’re ringing in 2022.

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Diabetes Family

A Special Birthday Dinner!

Mostly True Memoirs

A special birthday dinner

A Special Birthday Dinner! Why Can’t The Birthday Boy Choose the Menu?

A special birthday dinner! Why can’t the birthday boy choose the menu? He’s finally old enough to make some great dinner choices.

The Grown Son had another birthday.

He requested tri-tip for dinner.

With corn bread and potatoes.

I objected.

That’s way too many carbs in one meal.

He begged.

Shouldn’t he get to choose the menu?

Yeah, he’s diabetic, but doesn’t he still deserve a special feast?

I relented.

We’ll have cornbread and potatoes but only if he also agrees to a vegetable.

He argued.

I held my ground.

He conceded.

“OK,” he agreed, “You can make green beans.”

I noted that he said that I can make them.

He did not say that he would eat them.

Yeah, I’m wise to his ways.

However, he did eat a serving of green beans with his dinner.

I guess enough trips around the sun has had a maturing effect on him.

Happy birthday, Kiddo!

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Family Lifestyle

A Funny Skiing Story

Mostly True Memoirs

My funny skiing story

A funny skiing story. Did I win? Or did I lose?

I told some friends my funny skiing story.

The story about how Bob once tried to kill me.

He tells a completely different version of this event.

But mine is the right one.

Way back when, he took me to Mammoth to teach me to ski.

Bob is a very good skier.

I had never been.

When it was all over, I still couldn’t ski.

And I was furious.

I was certain he was trying to kill me.

It was a test.

If I died, he wouldn’t marry me.

I guess I passed the test.

I concluded my story with, “but I didn’t die.”

My friends collectively responded, “Yet.”

I didn’t die, and neither did that skiing story.

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Family

Funny Parenting Stories

Mostly True Memoirs

Mostly True Memoirs

Funny parenting stories

Think You’ve Heard All of the Funny Parenting Stories?

Think you’ve heard all of the funny parenting stories?

Here’s one about lice.

Ick.

Someone was recently speaking about it, and it made me laugh.

One of my kids brought home lice once.

It was awful.

But I have boys, so it was pretty easy to get rid of it.

I shaved their heads.

My older boy has very dark hair, so even with a buzz cut he had a dark cap.

My little guy was blond back in the day.

He looked goofy with a shaved head, but he didn’t care.

I told him that he doesn’t need to discuss the lice with his kindergarten class.

It’s nothing to be ashamed of.

It’s just private.

He had to be inspected by the school nurse before he was allowed back in class.

Of course, that meant that we were late.

He made a Grand Entrance into his classroom and declared loudly, “I have lice!”

So much for discretion.

All the kids oohed and aahed.

By the end of the day, all the kids wanted to have lice.

They all wanted a buzz cut too.

Even the girls.

Yep, the kid was a trendsetter, even back in kindergarten.

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Diabetes Family

A Type One Diabetes Mom

Mostly True Memoirs

The fun never stops for a type one diabetes mom

Seriously? The fun never stops for a Type One Diabetes Mom.

Seriously? The fun never stops for a type one diabetes mom. Someone needs to think ahead, and it looks like it’s got to be me.

I thought I knew it all about being a Type One Diabetes Mom.

Apparently, I still have some lessons to learn.

Last night I learned that I need to hide some glucose tablets.

I know, I know, it seems counterintuitive to hide this lifesaving measure from the very people who need it the most.

But hear me out.

I have told both Grown Sons, over and over and over, to stay ahead of their diabetes supplies.

If they are prepared, they will never run out.

“Mom I need a glucose tablet,” one of them bellowed late last night.

“I just bought you some.”

“Well, I’m out.”

Seriously? Does he eat them like candy? How can he be out already?

I asked the other Grown Son for a glucose tablet.

He was also out.

This one seems to eat them like candy too.

Neither of them gave any thought to replenishing their supplies.

I had some marshmallows in the pantry, so the problem was solved.

Today I bought a new supply of glucose tablets.

I gave a stack to each Grown Son.

I kept some for myself and hid them.

Someone needs to think ahead.

And it’s probably not going to be either one of them.

Seriously. The fun never stops for a Type One Diabetes Mom.

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Dog Family

Did We Learn Anything?

Mostly True Memoirs

Did we learn anything?

DID WE LEARN ANY MEANINGFUL LESSONS FROM THIS ILL-ADVISED INCIDENT?

Wrigley was the Best Dog Ever.

She was the Best Dog Ever, but she wasn’t perfect.

She refused to play with toys.

She was very cute, and she was very snuggly, but she never once played ball.

Now we have Blue.

The Grown Son is thrilled that Blue loves to play fetch.

She is also learning to play tug-of-war with her rope toy.

At first, she would give it up easily when we tugged on it.

Now she is learning about the fun of hanging on.

Last night the Grown Son pulled a prank on Blue.

He snuck down the darkened hallway and jumped out at her.

Oh goodness, that was an ill-advised incident.

It did not end well.

Blue was so surprised that she peed herself.

The Grown Son spent the rest of the evening snuggling her to apologize.

He couldn’t stop laughing about her reaction, but he felt horrible about scaring her.

Lesson learned – Blue is not ready for pranks.

Lesson learned – The person who scares the pee out of the dog has to clean it up.

Lesson learned – Blue forgave the Grown Son and all is well.