Categories
family storytelling

Just Get Rid of the Rats

Just get rid of the rats.

JUST GET RID OF THE RATS

Every day this week, rain has been predicted.

Every day this week, the weather has remained dry.

Today I finally decided to water my vegetable garden.

It can’t wait any longer for the rain.

It was when I approached the gate to access the hose that I saw it.

I stopped dead in my tracks.

I was horrified.

Rat poop!

On the fence!

Rats have touched the very fence that I have to touch to access the hose!

Ewww.

The Husband, however, was kind of happy.

Over the years, he has devised a fool-proof method for dealing with rats.

Bob is very proud of his disgusting achievement.

Whatever.

Just get rid of the rats.

Ewww.

Categories
storytelling

Stupid Ant

Stupid ant

STUPID ANT

I got bit again.

This time it was not a murder hornet.

I know because I saw it.

It was an ant.

I don’t know if it was a fire ant.

It wasn’t red.

But it was huge.

And it was squished by the time I got done with it.

It bit me right under the flip-flop strap.

And now I’ve got a painful welt and I can’t wear flip-flops.

A tragedy!

Until I found a different pair of flip-flops in my closet with a different strap angle.

Whew!

I can still wear flip-flops.

Stupid ant.

Categories
storytelling

It Was a Murder Hornet

it was a murder hornet

IT WAS A MURDER HORNET

I got a bug bite on my ankle the other day.

I didn’t see what bit me.

But holy smokes, it HURT.

And it keeps getting worse.

It has turned into an itchy and painful rock-hard welt.

I think it was a murder hornet.

I’m certain it was a murder hornet.

And that’s the story I’m sticking with.

Categories
humor lifestyle quarantine

I Took A Long Walk

I took a long walk

I TOOK A LONG WALK

I took a long walk by the creek behind our house.

It’s been raining, so there was a lot of water.

And a lot of frogs.

Or maybe toads.

Who knows?

I couldn’t see them.

But I could hear them.

They were loud.

It kind of freaked me out.

They sound a lot like the Geiger counters in Chernobyl.

I knew I shouldn’t have watched that disaster show in the middle of our own disaster.

Categories
humor lifestyle

A Wasp Nest

a wasp nest

A WASP NEST

Oh no, we have wasps!

I was home alone, and I found a wasp nest outside the back door.

With a herd of angry, violent insects swarming the wall.

Luckily, a cold front moved in.

The temperature has dropped from the 70s to the 30s.

That got rid of our angry invaders.

Otherwise, I’d have to burn down the house.

What other options would I have?

Categories
humor lifestyle

A Win-Win Situation

a win-win situation

A WIN-WIN SITUATION

I went all summer without any bug bites.

The bugs have suddenly realized that they need to catch up.

There was a party on my left ankle last night.

The thing I have learned, since moving to Bug Country,

is NOT to scratch.

Scratching spreads the venom and makes the itching even worse.

If you can hold off scratching, the misery subsides quicker.

How do you stop the itching?

Vinegar.

It’s a very stinky procedure.

But it works.

I sloshed vinegar on my ankle all morning.

The swelling subsided.

The itching stopped.

And my family has stayed far, far away from me.

Vinegar – it stops the itching,

AND it keeps the family at bay.

It’s a win-win situation all around.

Categories
humor lifestyle

A Frog Was In My Kitchen

A frog was in my kitchen.

Seriously?

We’ve had our share of pests in the house.

Ants, of course.

Spiders, flies, moths and mosquitoes.

An occasional cricket.

Once we even had a mouse.

But this morning I had a first.

I was so shocked that I had to rub my eyes to make sure I wasn’t seeing  things.

It was a frog.

A FROG!!!

A frog was in my kitchen.

It was huge and brown and ugly.

Maybe it was a toad.

I didn’t know whether to laugh or to scream.

Or to kiss it.

It was as big as my fist, so squishing it wasn’t even an option.

And catching it seemed a little creepy.

OK, a LOT creepy.

Luckily, it was a smart frog.

I opened the back door, and it seemed to sense its opportunity.

It headed right toward the fresh air and hopped outside.

That’s one Texas-sized crisis that was averted.