Categories
family storytelling

Fall Housecleaning

Fall Housecleaning

FALL HOUSECLEANING

As if we weren’t quarantining hard enough, we are now in the midst of a major rainstorm.

We’re stuck at home.

Still.

It’s as good a time as any to start the fall housecleaning.

The Grown Sons are shocked.

They have been living on their own for awhile.

Apparently they have forgotten how to live in a house.

They want to know why.

Why in the world am I wiping down the floorboards?

Why am I washing the window blinds?

Why am I dusting all of the ceiling fans?

And why, why, why do they have to help?

“Because,” I assured them, “We have standards.”

I swear, these boys were not raised in a barn.

Although the evidence would suggest otherwise.

Categories
family storytelling

This Stage of the Quarantine

This stage of the quarantine.

THIS STAGE OF THE QUARANTINE

Bart Simpson once said, “I didn’t think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows.”

That sentiment beautifully sums up this stage of the quarantine.

I tried to explain it to my family, but they all burst out laughing.

Yes, Bart, it is physically possible to both suck and blow.

Categories
family storytelling

The Grown Son Wanted to Shower

The Grown Son wanted to shower.

THE GROWN SON WANTED TO SHOWER

The Grown Son wanted to shower in the master shower.

But The Husband was on a conference call in the master bedroom.

I told him to use the hall bathroom.

But he tiptoed in anyway.

An hour later, I got a whispered, urgent phone call from the Grown Son.

Upon entering the bathroom, he realized the shower would be too loud.

So he waited.

And waited.

And waited.

He whispered angrily that he had been in the bathroom for over an hour.

I laughed and laughed and laughed.

The Grown Son was in a panic.

His phone was almost out of battery.

And the conference call didn’t show any sign of ending soon.

I told him to sit tight.

And wait.

Maybe, one day, maybe, just maybe, he will listen.

Categories
storytelling

An Afternoon Nap

An afternoon nap

AN AFTERNOON NAP

An afternoon nap has become my habit during these months of the quarantine.

Also, during this same time period, I have started to wake up every morning at 4:00 am.

I’m starting to think that there’s a correlation between napping and waking up so early.

To be fair, I need the nap since I get up so early.

To be honest, I would probably sleep better at night if I didn’t nap during the day.

I should probably quit the afternoon nap.

Maybe tomorrow.

Categories
family storytelling

Back to School

Back to School

BACK TO SCHOOL

I would not have survived going back to school with social distancing.

I’m so glad my kids are grown.

My kid is the one who would have constructed a six-foot-long device out of random objects and duct tape.

He would have poked at all of the other kids saying, “I’m not touching you, I’m not touching you.”

When I told him this, he burst out laughing and agreed that he would have done exactly that.

Then he constructed a six-foot-long poking device out of random objects and duct tape.

And he poked me.

It never ends.

Categories
storytelling work

A Loud Smile

A loud smile

A LOUD SMILE

My English student defined the word “laugh” as “a loud smile.”

Yeah.

That works

Categories
family storytelling

Quarantine Graduation Hoopla

Quarantine graduation hoopla

QUARANTINE GRADUATION HOOPLA

The Grown Son is a little annoyed at all of the quarantine graduation hoopla.

He didn’t want to go through his own graduation ceremony.

I forced the issue.

He participated grudgingly and only at my insistence.

And now he resents his missed opportunity.

If only he had graduated in a quarantine year…

Sorry, Kid.

I’ll check with your calendar when the next pandemic is unleashed.

Maybe we can work it into your schedule more favorably.

Categories
family storytelling

Yay, Purple

Yay purple

YAY, PURPLE

When I left California, I really hated to leave my Jacaranda tree behind.

So I have planted some Vitex trees outside my back door here in Texas.

They’re not Jacaranda.

But they’re purple.

And they’re pretty.

And they’re blooming.

Yay, purple!

Categories
family storytelling

Just Get Rid of the Rats

Just get rid of the rats.

JUST GET RID OF THE RATS

Every day this week, rain has been predicted.

Every day this week, the weather has remained dry.

Today I finally decided to water my vegetable garden.

It can’t wait any longer for the rain.

It was when I approached the gate to access the hose that I saw it.

I stopped dead in my tracks.

I was horrified.

Rat poop!

On the fence!

Rats have touched the very fence that I have to touch to access the hose!

Ewww.

The Husband, however, was kind of happy.

Over the years, he has devised a fool-proof method for dealing with rats.

Bob is very proud of his disgusting achievement.

Whatever.

Just get rid of the rats.

Ewww.

Categories
family storytelling

The End Piece of Bread

The end piece of bread

The Grown Son couldn’t remember the word for the end piece of bread.

He called it the stump.

I laughed and laughed and laughed.

And then I decided that “stump” is so much more descriptive than “heel.”

I have now renamed the end piece of bread.

I will notify Webster’s dictionary.