Grand Slam Communication
The fire pit has turned out to be a much bigger project than Bob anticipated.
He has renamed it the Hell Hole.
This seems appropriate since it all started with a conjuring circle.
We will be ready for our inaugural bonfire by Christmas Eve.
Celebrating the holidays at the Hell Hole is a fitting tribute to 2020.
We would invite y’all over, but, well, there’s that quarantine thing.
Maybe next year we can meet at the Hell Hole.
FALL HOUSECLEANING
As if we weren’t quarantining hard enough, we are now in the midst of a major rainstorm.
Still.
It’s as good a time as any to start the fall housecleaning.
The Grown Sons are shocked.
They have been living on their own for awhile.
Apparently they have forgotten how to live in a house.
They want to know why.
Why in the world am I wiping down the floorboards?
Why am I washing the window blinds?
Why am I dusting all of the ceiling fans?
And why, why, why do they have to help?
“Because,” I assured them, “We have standards.”
I swear, these boys were not raised in a barn.
Although the evidence would suggest otherwise.
THIS STAGE OF THE QUARANTINE
Bart Simpson once said, “I didn’t think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows.”
That sentiment beautifully sums up this stage of the quarantine.
I tried to explain it to my family, but they all burst out laughing.
Yes, Bart, it is physically possible to both suck and blow.
THE HABIT OF AN AFTERNOON NAP
An afternoon nap has become my habit during these months of the quarantine.
Also, during this same time period, I have started to wake up every morning at 4:00 am.
I’m starting to think that there’s a correlation between napping and waking up so early.
To be fair, I need the nap since I get up so early.
To be honest, I would probably sleep better at night if I didn’t nap during the day.
I should probably quit the afternoon nap.
BACK TO SCHOOL
I would not have survived going back to school with social distancing.
I’m so glad my kids are grown.
My kid is the one who would have constructed a six-foot-long device out of random objects and duct tape.
He would have poked at all of the other kids saying, “I’m not touching you, I’m not touching you.”
When I told him this, he burst out laughing and agreed that he would have done exactly that.
Then he constructed a six-foot-long poking device out of random objects and duct tape.
And he poked me.
It never ends.
A LOUD SMILE
My English student defined the word “laugh” as “a loud smile.”
Yeah.
That works
QUARANTINE GRADUATION HOOPLA
The Grown Son is a little annoyed at all of the quarantine graduation hoopla.
He didn’t want to go through his own graduation ceremony.
I forced the issue.
He participated grudgingly and only at my insistence.
And now he resents his missed opportunity.
If only he had graduated in a quarantine year…
Sorry, Kid.
I’ll check with your calendar when the next pandemic is unleashed.
Maybe we can work it into your schedule more favorably.
YAY, PURPLE
When I left California, I really hated to leave my Jacaranda tree behind.
I have planted some Vitex trees outside my back door here in Texas.
They’re not Jacaranda.
But they’re purple.
And they’re pretty.
And they’re blooming.
Yay, purple!
Every day this week, rain has been predicted.
Every day this week, the weather has remained dry.
Today I finally decided to water my vegetable garden.
It can’t wait any longer for the rain.
It was when I approached the gate to access the hose that I saw it.
I stopped dead in my tracks.
I was horrified.
Rat poop!
On the fence!
Rats have touched the very fence that I have to touch to access the hose!
Ewww.
The Husband, however, was kind of happy.
Over the years, he has devised a fool-proof method for dealing with rats.
Bob is very proud of his disgusting achievement.
Whatever.
Just get rid of the rats.
Ewww.
The Grown Son couldn’t remember the word for the end piece of bread.
He called it the stump.
I laughed and laughed and laughed.
And then I decided that “stump” is so much more descriptive than “heel.”
I have now renamed the end piece of bread.
I will notify Webster’s dictionary.