Categories
Lifestyle

I’ve Never Seen A Snake Skin Up Close – Until Now

Stupid snake

Welp, I guess I have to move.

I found something horrifying in my back yard.

A snake skin.

And you know what that means.

Yep. A snake.

The skin was draped over my stone retaining wall and slid right into the grass.

Which obviously means there’s a monster living under there.

Ewwww.

Now, I know snakes exist.

But I prefer blissful ignorance.

Don’t show me proof.

Don’t wave your dirty, scaly, serpent pajamas where I have to see them.

I have no idea what kind of snake it was.

What if it’s a rattler or a water moccasin?

Nope. Hard pass.

I’ve seen Lonesome Dove. I know what water moccasins can do.

Here’s the problem.

Can you actually tell what kind it was by the skin they left behind?

Probably not.

But everyone will tell me was a water moccasin just to mess with me.

So here I am.

Officially outnumbered.

Stupid snakes.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Categories
Lifestyle

There’s So Little Time To Manage So Many Worries

So Little Time

So Little Time

So little time for so many worries.  

I heard a weird rustling in the holly bush near the front door.  

I was afraid it might be a snake.  

Did you hear the story about the hawk who dropped a snake?  

It landed on a lady.  

The hawk dived down to retrieve it.  

The snake clung to the lady for dear life, while the hawk fought to get its dinner back.  

That poor lady was very much bitten and squeezed and pecked and clawed by the time it was all over.  

I ignored the rustling and rushed into the house.  

At the time, it seemed like the best solution to the scary noise.  

Later, while doing yard work, Bob found a long-dead bird in the holly.  

Whatever it is that eats dead birds is probably what I heard rustling.  

What eats dead birds?  

Rats?  

Snakes?  

Hawks?  

It doesn’t really matter what.  

It’s all horrifying.  

I know that tonight I’ll be having a nightmare about being attacked by a snake and a hawk at the same time.  

Although it’s really a more likely scenario that I’ll contract West Nile Virus this summer.  

It’s all worthy of a panic attack.  

So many worries, so little time.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Categories
Family

A Snake. In a Tree.

A Snake

I got my darling husband to confess.

When we first moved in, there was a rat snake in the big tree in the front yard.

Bob jiggled the branch with a broom and the snake slithered away.

Oh. My. God.

A snake.

In a tree.

That’s much, much, much worse than a snake on the ground.

I’m reworking that old 80’s song in my head.

“It’s raining snakes…”

If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go and have a little heart attack now.

Categories
Lifestyle

Rat Snakes Are Good

Rat Snakes

Rat snakes are good.

You want them around.

They control the rodents around the property.

Supposedly.

They are doing nothing about the rabbits in my yard.

All of the neighbors have seen rat snakes recently.

But we haven’t.

I think my husband is holding out on me.

He’s afraid I would pack up and leave at the sight of a snake.

I guess I don’t mind rat snakes so much.

In theory.

I guarantee that I will scream bloody murder if I ever see one.

I just wish they weren’t so snake-y.