Categories
humor lifestyle storytelling

Does Gluten Free Eating Have to Be So Awful?

Gluten free

I am trying to eat gluten free.

It’s hard.

I’ve never met a loaf of bread that I don’t like.

Gluten-free breads are awful.

The store-bought varieties are horrible.

I’ve tried baking my own gluten-free bread, but it’s still gross.

And very expensive.

I’d rather not eat bread at all than eat awful bread.

There are some decent gluten-free pastas in the stores.

But they are very limited in variety.

I tried to roll out my own gluten-free ravioli.

With a savory filling and a spicy sauce, you might not notice the gluten-free pasta at all.

That was the idea anyway.

I followed the recipe, but the dough was crumbly and hard to work with.

An extra egg helped, but not much.

I spent all freaking day rolling out homemade ravioli, and it wasn’t even very good.

It was definitely not worth the effort.

Homemade ravioli with wheat pasta is delicious.

The gluten-free stuff, not so much.

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Categories
humor lifestyle storytelling

National What Day?

National what day?

NATIONAL WHAT DAY?

Yesterday was National Nude Day.

National what day?

I am eternally grateful that no one I knew celebrated that.

Or if they did, I was blessedly unaware.

Yesterday was also National Tape Measure Day.

Coincidence?

Perhaps.

Perhaps not.

To top it off, yesterday was also National Pandemonium Day.

Yeah, I can see how that would work.

Naked people running around with tape measures might cause a stir.

Now I know to skip July 14 next year.

Categories
humor lifestyle storytelling

Fight Club

Fight Club

FIGHT CLUB

It is wonderful to be getting out of the house and seeing people.

My Toastmasters club is finally meeting live again.

We’re so excited to see each other that we’ve been making social plans outside of Toastmasters.

Hiking.

Listening to live music.

Fight Club.

Fight Club?

Turns out someone misheard that.

It was supposed to be Bike Ride.

But Fight Club sounds like fun too.

I’m in.

Categories
humor lifestyle storytelling

A Snake. In a Tree.

A snake. In a tree.

A SNAKE. IN A TREE.

I got my darling husband to confess.

When we first moved in, there was a rat snake in the big tree in the front yard.

Bob jiggled the branch with a broom and the snake slithered away.

Oh. My. God.

A snake.

In a tree.

That’s much, much, much worse than a snake on the ground.

I’m reworking that old 80’s song in my head.

“It’s raining snakes…”

If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go and have a little heart attack now.

Categories
humor lifestyle storytelling

Rat Snakes Are Good

Rat snakes are good.

You want them around.

They control the rodents around the property.

Supposedly.

They are doing nothing about the rabbits in my yard.

All of the neighbors have seen rat snakes recently.

But we haven’t.

I think my husband is holding out on me.

He’s afraid I would pack up and leave at the sight of a snake.

I guess I don’t mind rat snakes so much.

In theory.

I guarantee that I will scream bloody murder if I ever see one.

I just wish they weren’t so snake-y.

Categories
humor memoir storytelling

Ain’t That The Truth!

Ain't that the truth!

AIN’T THAT THE TRUTH!

At a recent Toastmasters meeting, the Grammarian pointed out that sometimes the best way to make a clear point is to use bad grammar.

Yup

One time I gave a humorous presentation at a Toastmasters meeting.

Afterwards, a fellow Toastmaster pulled me aside and urgently pointed out that I had used sloppy grammar.

This person was surprised and a little offended because I am an English teacher, a writer, and an editor, and I should know better.

Well duh.

It was done strategically.

Perfect grammar would have been incongruous in a comedy about Fireball.

Grammar standards and whiskey shots just don’t go together.

There’s a time and a place for everything.

Sometimes bad grammar is the best way to make a particular point.

Ain’t that the truth!