Tag: memoirs

Categories
Lifestyle

A Terrible, Sticky Mess

Mostly True Memoirs

A terrible, sticky mess

A TERRIBLE, STICKY MESS

I made blackberry jam earlier this summer.

There are a zillion little plastic jars in the freezer.

They are getting in the way.

I need to put them all in a box to keep them organized.

I probably should have done that yesterday.

A jar of jam burst in the freezer.

It was blocking the door from shutting properly.

And it got squished.

Yeah, that was a terrible, sticky mess.

The freezer needed to be cleaned anyway.

And now the jam jars are secured in a box.

Categories
Lifestyle

It Was Totally Worth It

Mostly True Memoirs

It was totally worth it

IT WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT

I’ve always been an early riser.

It usually serves me well.

I get a head start on my day.

I accomplish a lot before other people are even out of bed.

This weekend, however, it came back to bite me.

I was up very, very late, drinking yummy coconutty drinks with friends I hadn’t seen in a year and a half.

I was not at all pleased to be awake at 5:15 am, just a few hours later.

Have I learned anything from this episode?

Nope.

Not one thing.

I will happily indulge in another evening of yummy coconutty drinks.

It was totally worth it.

Categories
Toastmasters

How To Be Fabulously Mediocre In One Easy Step

Mostly True Memoirs

Fabulously mediocre

How To Be Fabulously Mediocre In One Easy Step

Last night at a Toastmasters meeting, Patty humbly called herself fabulously mediocre.

The fact that she used such a marvelous turn of phrase proves that she is anything but mediocre.

I told her that I loved that description, and I may steal it.

Meanwhile, Joanna won an award, and I told her I would take a picture.

But when I checked my phone, there was no picture of Joanna.

How could that be?

I pointed.

I clicked.

What happened?

As Pam Beesly said in The Office, I may have overestimated my rectangle-pointing skills.

Joanna was kind and gracious and wouldn’t hear of any kind of apology.

Someone else had taken a picture, so she was covered.

I need a stunt double.

I need someone who can take care of all of that rectangle-pointing nonsense for me.

I guess this makes me a fabulously mediocre photographer.

Categories
Lifestyle

Seriously – It’s National What Day?

Mostly True Memoirs

National what day?

IT’S NATIONAL WHAT DAY?

Yesterday was National Nude Day.

National what day?

I am eternally grateful that no one I know celebrated that.

Or if they did, I was blessedly unaware.

Yesterday was also National Tape Measure Day.

Coincidence?

Perhaps.

Perhaps not.

To top it off, yesterday was also National Pandemonium Day.

Yeah, I can see how that would work.

Naked people running around with tape measures might cause a stir.

Now I know to skip July 14 next year.

Categories
Dog

Wrigley Is My Muse

Mostly True Memoirs

Wrigley is my muse

WRIGLEY IS MY MUSE

My dog hasn’t been eating.

I’ve been worried.

She is old, and not eating is a bad sign.

Last night I was cooking some chicken, and I gave her a bite.

She gobbled it down, so I gave her some more.

And some more.

She ate it all, and then she ate her bowl of kibble.

I think she’s playing me.

She’s faking that frail, old-lady act so I’ll prepare a fresh, home-cooked meal for her every day.

I guess I would do the same thing if I were in her place.

I’m impressed.

I’m taking notes so that I can follow her example in my own old age.

Wrigley is my muse.

Categories
Lifestyle

I Can Only Hope

Mostly True Memoirs

I can only hope

I CAN ONLY HOPE

Today a younger woman asked, regarding The Flintstones, “Which was the boy, Pebbles or Bamm Bamm?”

Seriously?

I’m insulted that she asked.

I’m insulted that I knew the answer.

I’m insulted that she was raised so poorly.

Well, what goes around comes around.

One day someone will ask an equally troubling question about something obvious to her generation.

This moment will come back to bite her one day.

I can only hope.

Categories
Dog

Her Hips are Wonky

Mostly True Memoirs

Her hips are wonky

HER HIPS ARE WONKY

My Wrigley is getting old.

Her hips are wonky.

I bought a little doggy stepstool so she can continue to get up to her favorite sofa perch.

Meanwhile we have started her on some CBD supplements.

Wrigley does not like the stepstool at all.

With much newfound CBD-based bravado, she has been leaping over it.

Also, she has been listening to a lot of Sublime.

I guess the CBD supplements are working.

Categories
Lifestyle

I Am Very Disappointed In Myself

Mostly True Memoirs

I am very disappointed in myself

I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED IN MYSELF

I never remember my dreams.

I am always aware that I had a vivid dream.

But it disappears before I can recall it.

Today was different.

I remembered.

I was at a dinner party.

Where they were serving Burt-Reynolds-shaped pasta.

Seriously?

This is what my subconscious gets up to when I’m not around?

I am very disappointed in myself.

I was certain that I could do better than that.

If anyone knows how to analyze dreams, please just pass this one by.

I don’t want to know what it means.

My only hope is that it was young Burt Reynolds.

Sigh.

I guess I really am as lame as my kids say.

Categories
Lifestyle

July Has Some Crazy Holidays

Mostly True Memoirs

July has some crazy holidays

JULY HAS SOME CRAZY HOLIDAYS

July has some crazy holidays.

Today is National Kissing Day.

Which is a nice idea.

But tomorrow is National Dive Bar Day.

Aren’t these in the wrong order?

Once the kissing has started, the dive bar seems kind of unnecessary.

Moving right along, July 10 is Don’t Step on a Bee Day.

Seriously?

They need a special day for that?

I’ve been celebrating that holiday all my life.

I really think Don’t Step on a Bee Day should come first.

Because once you’ve stepped on that bee, there won’t be any dive bars on the agenda.

Or kissing either.

Categories
Toastmasters

Fight Club

Mostly True Memoirs

Fight Club

FIGHT CLUB

It is wonderful to be getting out of the house and seeing people.

My Toastmasters club is finally meeting live again.

We’re so excited to see each other that we’ve been making social plans outside of Toastmasters.

Hiking.

Listening to live music.

Fight Club.

Fight Club?

Turns out someone misheard that.

It was supposed to be Bike Ride.

But Fight Club sounds like fun too.

I’m in.