Tag: Texas

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That Clown is Haunted

That Clown Is Haunted

That Clown Is Haunted

The storm on Sunday was severe.

The news is reporting that seven tornadoes touched down.

One of them was as big as an EF3.

I don’t like tornadoes.

At times like this, I miss California.

All I had to worry about in So Cal were earthquakes, fires, floods, power outages and outrageous gas prices.

But no tornadoes.

The thing that is really annoying me right now is that my neighbor’s massive blow-up clown is still standing.

Seven tornadoes couldn’t take that thing down.

That clown is haunted.

At least that’s what I think every morning while it watches me drink my coffee.

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Lifestyle

Earthquake!

Earthquake!

Earthquake!

There were a couple of earthquakes in North Texas today.

The biggest was a 3.8.

The news reporters, in disaster-mode voices, reported that there was no damage noted.

Well duh.

You’ll have to do a whole lot better than a 3.8 to impress this SoCal girl.

Although I shouldn’t get cocky.

I still tend to freak out over tornadoes.

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Bronx Bombers

Bronx Bombers

Bronx Bombers

We’re going to see the Yankees at Rangers tonight.

Sorry Texas peeps.

I’m rooting for the Yank

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Lifestyle

Goodbye

Goodbye

Goodbye

Goodbye.

My California vacation is over.

Goodbye beach.

Goodbye perfect weather.

Goodbye family.

Goodbye friends.

Goodbye Baja style Mexican food.

I’m sad to go.

I’ll be back soon.

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Lifestyle

Left Turns in Texas

Left Turns in Texas

Left Turns in Texas

Left turns in Texas drive me crazy.

I have lived in this state for a year now.

And there’s one thing that I just don’t understand.

Maybe someone can explain it to me.

In the left turn lane, with a flashing yellow arrow,

WHY doesn’t the car move ahead into the intersection?

The car always stays behind the limit line.

From that point, there is often no opportunity to make the left turn.

It can take two or three cycles for even one car to move ahead.

Why don’t they pull up?

Is it a law?

Texans are otherwise very aggressive drivers.

Why are they so weak on left turns?

I’m not sure if it’s a law to stay behind the limit line, or if Texans are just weirdly polite about it.

I silently seethe.

And wait my turn.

To make left turns in Texas.

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Lifestyle

A Huge Texas Fly

A Huge Texas Fly

A Huge Texas Fly

I recently cornered a huge Texas fly in my bathroom.

I shut the all doors and started swatting at it with a towel.

I knew I couldn’t actually hit it – it was way too fast for me.

My intention was to keep it flying frantically around the room.

I planned to kill it with exhaustion.

It was so big that it made a distinct “thunk” noise every time it hit a wall.

Which was often.

I kept thinking, “Well that’s gotta hurt…”

But the fly just kept on flying, oblivious to any traumatic brain injury.

This bug had a very strong will to live.

Its will to live was stronger than my will to kill it.

I got bored.

I quit.

Huge Texas Fly 1, Human 0.

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Lifestyle

Your Name is Liar

I was speaking with a friend the other day, a friend whose name is Liar.

He told me that he had been to the County Fair.

He had eaten an objectionable type of drumstick.

And some corn dipped in an equally horrifying type of butter.

I didn’t believe a word he said.

This guy is known to be a teller of tall tales.

I’m 99% certain it was all lies.

But what if it was the truth?

Do they really sell these disturbing kinds of foods?

It’s the fair, after all, and anything is possible.

I guess I’ll have to take myself to the Texas State Fair when it opens.

I’ll have to see for myself what kind of horrifying offerings are on the Fair Food Circuit.

And then I will say to my friend, a la Will Ferrell,

“Your name is Liar…”

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Lifestyle

Unseasonably Cool Weather

Unseasonably Cool Weather

Unseasonably Cool Weather

We are having  unseasonably cool weather here in DFW.

Meanwhile, back in my hometown in So Cal, they are suffering a sizzling heat wave.

It’s cooler here in Texas than it is on the coast.

If any of you overheated beach folk need to escape that heat, y’all can come out here and visit me.

We’re having unseasonably cool weather here in Texas.

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Lifestyle

A Frog Was In My Kitchen

A Frog

A Frog

A frog was in my kitchen.

Seriously?

We’ve had our share of pests in the house.

Ants, of course.

Spiders, flies, moths and mosquitoes.

An occasional cricket.

Once we even had a mouse.

But this morning I had a first.

I was so shocked that I had to rub my eyes to make sure I wasn’t seeing  things.

It was a frog.

A FROG!!!

A frog was in my kitchen.

It was huge and brown and ugly.

Maybe it was a toad.

I didn’t know whether to laugh or to scream.

Or to kiss it.

It was as big as my fist, so squishing it wasn’t even an option.

And catching it seemed a little creepy.

OK, a LOT creepy.

Luckily, it was a smart frog.

I opened the back door, and it seemed to sense its opportunity.

It headed right toward the fresh air and hopped outside.

That’s one Texas-sized crisis that was averted.

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Lifestyle

Fog Advisory

Fog Advisory

Fog Advisory

A heavy fog advisory was announced on the local news this morning.

I opened the front door to check out this North Texas fog.

I burst out laughing.

It was just a bit of mist in the air.

It’s not really fog until you can’t see the house across the street.

It’s not even a fog advisory until you can’t see the house next door.

I’m laughing now.

I won’t be laughing so hard come tornado season…