Categories
Lifestyle

Why It’s Important To Know The Rules

The Rules

Oh my.

That Australian breakdancing woman.

What was she thinking?

I feel kind of sorry for her.

She’ll never live this down.

Her performance made a mockery of the event.

How in the world did she make the team?

Aren’t there qualifying standards for every sport?

Olympic medal winners can land some great endorsement deals.

Competitors take it seriously.

She took an opportunity away from someone who might have placed.

Whoever admitted her onto that team should be penalized.

Compare her to that Turkish pistol shooting guy.

He used minimal safety gear.

He wore no uniform other than jeans and a T-shirt.

He competed nonchalantly with his free hand in his pocket.

And he won the silver medal.

Then he left.

He’s the embodiment of eats, shoots, and leaves.

Here’s the thing that I always tell my creative writing students.

It’s OK to break the rules.

But you have to know the rules in order to break them well.

Otherwise, you’ll lose control.

This is why we study basic grammar, spelling, punctuation, and story structure.

The breakdancing gal didn’t know what she was doing when she broke the rules.

The pistol guy did.

And that made all the difference.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

This post might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

Why A Parts-Of-Speech Review Is So Important

IT’S YOURS! A FREE GUIDE – Four Easy Steps To Editing Your Perfect Social Media Post. All you’ve got to do is SUBSCRIBE!

Categories
Lifestyle

I Had The Heebie Jeebies For No Good Reason

Heebie jeebies

I had the heebie jeebies.

All day long I felt a little tickle down the back of my arm.

It must be a hair.

But I couldn’t find it.

All day long I was swiping and smacking at myself.

But I couldn’t find the hair.

I was beginning to get the heebie jeebies, thinking it was a bug.

But there was no bug.

It was just an annoying, incessant tickle.

I changed my shirt, hoping that would solve the problem.

It did not solve the problem.

All day long I was distracted.

I had several zoom sessions, and I’m certain people thought I had lost my mind as they watched me flinch and squirm and slap myself.

I tried very, very, very hard to ignore it while I was on camera.

But I’m certain that someone must have witnessed my agony.

By the end of the day, I was feeling very Edgar-Allan-Poe-ish.

“And have I not told you that what you mistake for madness is but over-acuteness of the senses?”

“Almighty God! – no, no! They heard! – they suspected! – they knew! – they were making a mockery of my horror!- this I thought and this I think.”

“True! – nervous – very, very nervous I had been and am; but why will you say that I am mad?”

At any rate, the little tickle has stopped.

There are no bug bites.

Whew!

Nevermore.”

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

This post might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

How to Create a Vivid Picture With Words

IT’S YOURS! A FREE GUIDE – Four Easy Steps To Editing Your Perfect Social Media Post. All you’ve got to do is SUBSCRIBE!

Categories
Dog Lifestyle

The Doggy Door Is Now Closed For Good

Doggy door

Blue is black.

Our sofas are black.

Quite often, we lose Blue in plain sight.

Sometimes we’re frantically looking for her, worried that she has gotten out of the yard.

She just watches us, amused, from her invisible perch.

That thumping, happy tail is what gives her location away.

The TV remote is also black.

It also gets lost in plain sight.

We have to frisk the couch, like they do to bad guys on cop shows, to find the remote.

So you can imagine that I was upset when I came home the other day to find Bob on one end of the house and the dog in the back yard, with the doggy door opened.

I had already declared the doggy door off limits since Blue brought in that dead rabbit.

Can you imagine sitting down and reaching around to move that lumpy thing from underneath yourself, thinking it’s a dog toy or the TV remote, only to find yourself elbow deep in a mangy dead rabbit?

Gaaaahhhhh!

Bob had the nerve to laugh.

And protest, because he thinks the doggy door is so convenient.

Too bad.

One dead rabbit in the house is more dead critters than I can tolerate.

So you can image that I was REALLY upset to come in to the house the next day to find Bob napping on the couch, and the doggy door open.

“But she had to go out,” he protested.

We had three dogs before Blue who did not have a doggy door.

We can manage without it.

I closed up the doggy door and sealed it with a much-more-than-necessary amount of blue painter tape.

Yes, I was sending a message.

Bob thought the entire episode was hilarious.

Until he went outside to do some yard work.

Blue immediately killed a rabbit.

And while Bob was cleaning that mess up, she killed another one.

Seriously, the rabbits kind of deserve it by now.

At this point, they should have warned each other not to come into our yard.

The doggy door is officially out of commission.

Those black couches mysteriously hide all sorts of secrets.

But I’m not about to let a bloody bunny carcass be one of those secrets.

The doggy door stays closed.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

This post might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

THE BEST DOG STUFF ACCORDING TO BLUE

IT’S YOURS! A FREE GUIDE – Four Easy Steps To Editing Your Perfect Social Media Post. All you’ve got to do is SUBSCRIBE!

Categories
Dog Lifestyle

I’ve Been Traumatized, But My Dog Is Happy

I've Been Traumatized

I’ve been traumatized.

It finally happened.

I’ve worried about this for ages.

All the what-ifs have been giving me nightmares.

I’ve told myself that I’m just being silly.

I’m overthinking this thing.

It’s never really going to happen.

But it did.

It happened.

Blue brought a dead rabbit into the house through the doggy door.

She. Brought. In. A. Dead. Rabbit.

I caught her when she was just about to hop onto the couch with it.

In a panic, I did the only thing I could think of.

I screamed.

Surprised, she dropped the rabbit on the floor.

Who, as it turns out, wasn’t actually dead.

So she picked it up and gave it a good hard shake to finish the job.

Oh. My. God.

No one else was at home.

I was forced into a one-person Cri-Man-Squa.

That’s a Michael Scott reference if you aren’t an Office fan.

There were no other options.

I got a dustpan and a broom to deal with the carcass.

Luckily, there was no blood.

And luckier still, it was on the floor and not on the furniture.

I would have had to burn the couch.

I got the dead body into a trash bag while continuously moaning and ewwwing and flinching.

It was horrifying.

I had to sanitize the spot on the floor.

All while being completely grossed out with the heebie jeebies.

I texted my family to inform them of the crisis.

Every one of them thought it was hilarious.

For the record, it was not hilarious.

I have PTDRS.

Blue is never, ever, ever using that doggy door again.

From now on, she is going to have to wait at the back door and pass muster before she’ll be allowed back in the house.

Blue Dawg couldn’t care less.

She’s happy and sassy and very, very, very proud of herself.

I, on the other hand, have been traumatized.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

This post might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

THE BEST DOG STUFF ACCORDING TO BLUE

IT’S YOURS! A FREE GUIDE – Four Easy Steps To Editing Your Perfect Social Media Post. All you’ve got to do is SUBSCRIBE!

Categories
Family Lifestyle

This Is Why It’s All Worthwhile

Worthwhile

It’s all worthwhile.

It took me decades to realize it, but now I can see that it was all worthwhile.

Nagging.

I’m talking about nagging.

The endless, exhausting, round-and-round-in-circles thing that you do with your kids.

Nonstop.

Both of my Grown Sons are slobs.

They’re sloppy, slovenly pig-dogs.

With disgraceful housekeeping standards.

They weren’t raised that way.

But you’d never know it.

I have been nagging them nonstop for as long as I can remember.

And they have both been ignoring me nonstop for as long as I can remember.

However…

Ah, yes, this is an ENORMOUS however…

One Grown Son just bought his first home.

We had dinner at his house last night.

Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, though.

He didn’t cook for us.

I brought the dinner over.

However, I noticed several things.

The vacuum was out and had obviously been used.

The table was set with placemats and coasters.

And his bed was made.

His. Bed. Was. Made.

This kid has never made his bed in his entire life.

Not once.

This proves that he WAS listening.

All that nagging has finally paid off.

Keep it up, moms and dads.

It may take years and years and years.

And years and years and years.

And years.

But one day, all of that aggravation will pay off.

He made his bed!

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

This post might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

HOW TO FIND FUNNY STORIES TO TELL YOUR FRIENDS

IT’S YOURS! A FREE GUIDE – Four Easy Steps To Editing Your Perfect Social Media Post. All you’ve got to do is SUBSCRIBE!

Categories
Lifestyle

Whew – This is Why I’m Safe For Another Year!

Whew - I'm Safe!

Whew!

I survived!

Another July 14 has come and gone without any damage.

 What’s so special about July 14?

Don’t you know?

I thought everyone knew.

July 14 is National Nude Day.

AND it’s National Tape Measure Day.

Who thinks these things up?

And how did these two celebrations get put on the same calendar day?

I have never, ever, not once in my life, not on July 14, nor on any other day of the year, seen nude people running around with tape measures.

But still, every July 14, I wonder.

Will THIS be the year that I am forced to witness the craziness?

Obviously, this wasn’t the year.

Whew – I’m safe for 364 more days.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

This post might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

HOW TO PAINT A PICTURE WITH WORDS

IT’S YOURS! A FREE GUIDE – Four Easy Steps To Editing Your Perfect Social Media Post. All you’ve got to do is SUBSCRIBE!

Categories
Lifestyle

This Is A Cover Song? Really?

A Cover Song

I’ve always loved Baby Don’t Go, a duet sung by Dwight Yoakum and Sheryl Crow.

Their voices are beautiful.

I love anything that Dwight Yoakum sings.

I’ve always been amazed that such an enormous voice can come out of such a skinny guy.

So you can imagine that I was shocked, shocked, SHOCKED to find out that this is a cover song.

A Sonny and Cher cover song.

Seriously?

Oh, I can’t bear the shame of it.

I definitely like Dwight and Sheryl’s version better.

I guess it’s true.

There’s no accounting for taste.

I guess I do like a Sonny and Cher song.

Yeesh.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

This post might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

QUIET CONFIDENCE – HOW TO DISCOVER YOUR OWN STRENGTH

IT’S YOURS! A FREE GUIDE – Four Easy Steps To Editing Your Perfect Social Media Post. All you’ve got to do is SUBSCRIBE!

Categories
Lifestyle

We Have A Winner! But Why? It’s Disgusting

We have a winner

We have a winner!

The women’s champion of this year’s Nathan’s hot dog eating contest won with 51 hot dogs in ten minutes.

Fifty-one hot dogs.

With buns.

Oh. My. God.

How?

I have never, in my entire life, eaten two hot dogs at once.

How in the world could a person eat 51?

You’d have to start much smaller and work your way up.

But seriously, after you had, say, five hot dogs in one sitting, you would be sick and bloated and nauseous.

Why in the world would you set your sights even higher?

What could possibly make you think, that after eating five hot dogs, maybe you should strive for ten?

And then 20?

All the way up to 51?

I can’t imagine eating 51 of anything, even something healthy.

Fifty-one carrots?

Nope.

Never gonna happen.

I googled how to train for a hot dog eating contest.

It’s disgusting.

I’ll bet all of those hot dog eating contestants are having a miserable 5th of July.

But hey, congratulations for eating 51 hot dogs.

We have a winner.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

This post might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

WRITERS LOOKING FOR A STORY – HOW TO FIND YOUR NEXT IDEA

IT’S YOURS! A FREE GUIDE – Four Easy Steps To Editing Your Perfect Social Media Post. All you’ve got to do is SUBSCRIBE!

Categories
Work

Positive Feedback Is So Much Better Than Criticism

Positive Feedback

In my creative writing classes, I have the students participate in a feedback circle.

One student will read their work out loud, and the rest of the group will give feedback.

It’s a first draft, so it’s expected that it will be messy.

I want the students to identify the diamond in the rough.

There’s always something good to say.

It’s easy to criticize, but that’s not the objective.

I want to know what they liked.

Were the characters interesting?

Was the story premise engaging?

Was there humor, or suspense, or any other element that was captivating?

“Focus on what’s working,” I always tell my writers.

It’s so much more productive than fussing about what’s not working.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

This post might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

QUIET CONFIDENCE – HOW TO DISCOVER YOUR OWN STRENGTH

IT’S YOURS! A FREE GUIDE – Four Easy Steps To Editing Your Perfect Social Media Post. All you’ve got to do is SUBSCRIBE!

Categories
Lifestyle

Because It’s There, According To The Mosquitoes

Because it's there

I don’t know how to say this politely.

So I’ll just say it.

It appears that the mosquitoes had a party on my a$$ last night.

I’ve got several itchy bites in places that I can’t scratch.

Not in public anyway.

What I want to know is – why?

There’s plenty of available, easy-to-access flesh on my ankles, arms and face.

Why would they make things difficult for themselves by going for the keester?

It’s an awfully long journey up the pant leg.

Or through the fabric.

There’s plenty of available skin that’s much easier to access.

Maybe the a$$ is a mosquito goal.

Like Mt. Everest for people.

Because it’s there, as they say.

Yes, it’s here.

And it itches.

Stupid mosquitoes.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

This post might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

HOW TO MASTER THE ART OF FUNNY METAPHORS

IT’S YOURS! A FREE GUIDE – Four Easy Steps To Editing Your Perfect Social Media Post. All you’ve got to do is SUBSCRIBE!