Home, Humor, Lifestyle, weather

Tornado Season

Spring is tornado season.

I was stocking up on emergency supplies.

Which got me to thinking…

Would our shelter, an interior bathroom, be called a panic room or a safe room?

I had to Google it.

It seemed, in the moment, to be much more urgent than any actual emergency.

It turns out that panic room and safe room mean the same thing.

An invulnernable shelter.

Well.

My mind is blown.
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Home, Humor, Lifestyle, Writer

The Bachelor

I did it.

I watched The Bachelor.

Everyone is talking about it, so I had to see what’s going on.

The guy who is starring this season is from my hometown.

So it’s got that going for it.

I only lasted about three minutes.

I couldn’t take any more.

Eww.

I feel violated.

And dirty.

All I can think of is the quote from Billy Madison, “…everyone in this room now dumber for having listened to you…”

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go bleach my eyeballs.

And my ears.

And my soul.
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Dog, Home, Humor, Lifestyle

The Dog Barked

The dog barked to go out at 5:00 am.

Bob dealt with it.

When I got up some time later, I expected to find the coffee brewed.

I was bitterly disappointed to see that Bob had fallen back to sleep on the couch.

And there was no coffee.

The beauty of not getting up with the dog is the expectation of hot coffee waiting for me.

Bob laughed and laughed and laughed.

Yeah, happy Leap Day to you too.

I’ll get my revenge.

On the next Leap Day.
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ESL Teacher, Humor, Lifestyle, Writer

Online English Class

Today I had sound problems in my online English class.

The students couldn’t hear me.

I could hear them.

And they could hear each other.

But they couldn’t hear me.

They could read my chats, so I set them up with an exercise, and I contacted the tech guy for help with the sound.

He said that he couldn’t hear me.

Exactly.

That’s my problem, I told him via the chat box.

No one can hear me.

Can you please help me fix my sound?

I can’t hear you, he repeated.

Ah, now I understand the problem.

The tech guy could use an online English class himself.

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Humor, Lifestyle, Writer

Pick-Up Lines


It’s been a long time since I’ve heard a pick-up line.

But I know it when I hear it.

“Did you fall from heaven?”

Under any other circumstances, I might have delivered a scathing, caustic, blistering response designed to reduce the gentleman in question to self-loathing tears.

But I didn’t do it.

Because this gentleman was four years old.

He was wearing bright green pajamas.

With a yellow dinosaur on the belly.

I sat down on the floor and engaged him in a discussion about French fries.

Because that’s what you do.

Later, I spoke with his dad.

He ruefully explained that the kid already has a girlfriend in preschool.

This dad certainly has his hands full.

Guys, don’t try that dinosaur pajama trick.

It will backfire.

Once you’re over two-and-a-half feet tall, it’s not cute anymore.
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