Tag: microstories

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Dog

Karma’s a B**ch! I Learned It The Hard Way Today.

Karma's A B**ch

Karma's A B**ch

Karma’s A B**ch!

Karma’s a b**ch.

I probably shouldn’t have laughed at the Grown Son.

The payback was brutal.

This time, Blue got sick all over my office.

By the time I found the mess this morning, the stench was unbearable.

It must have been brewing all night.

Blue, meanwhile, was happy as a lark.

No regrets.

We skipped her obedience class today.

I didn’t want her getting sick in my car.

Or passing her germs on to other dogs.

Are my priorities wrong?

Should I have put the other dogs’ health first, before the car?

She’s gotten carsick before, and believe me, I don’t want a repeat of that.

At any rate, she’s staying home.

My office has been cleaned and sanitized.

The windows are open, the fans are on.

The Grown Son thinks this whole episode is hilarious.

Karma’s such a b**ch.

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Lifestyle

Hoodies On Sale – I Was So Excited!

Hoodies On Sale

Hoodies on Sale

Hoodies On Sale!

Costco had hoodies on sale.

Thick, fluffy, oversized hoodies.

I was so excited.

They were only $4.00.

I guess they were trying to get rid of their winter stock.

At that price, I’ll buy several of them.

But then I saw, as I rummaged through the pile, that they were all size XXXXL.

An entire family could live in one of those.

Why couldn’t they put size Small ones on sale?

A Medium might have worked.

But there’s no way I could ever wear an XXXXL.

No new hoodie for me today.

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Family

Welcome to Loserville, And Now All Is Right In The World

Loserville

Loserville

Loserville, Indeed

The Grown Son has been furious with me.

For days on end.

Because my Aztecs eliminated his Crimson Tide from the basketball tournament.

This morning he greeted me with glee.

“Welcome to Loserville, population You!”

And now all is right in the world.

At least for him.

Welcome to Loserville indeed.

I’VE GOT LOTS MORE STORIES ABOUT MY FAMILY!

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Family

An April Fools Prank? I’ve Seen Better

April Fools Prank

Mostly True Memoirs

April Fools prank

An April Fools Prank?

No, it wasn’t a prank.

Over the weekend, I came home from the grocery store to a tsunami of water on the laundry room floor.

The Grown Son had crammed three loads into the washer.

That day, he learned the difference between an industrial washer at a laundromat and a regular household washer.

I’ve been meaning to clean out the laundry room, so this was a perfect opportunity for him to do that.

Now that the laundry room is sparkling clean, I can see that the kitchen pantry could also use a good cleanout.

By the Grown Son.

He’s my inspiration, after all.

He’s going to wish this was an April Fools prank by the time I’m done with him.

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Family

Does Marry Me Chicken Really Live Up To The Name?

Marry Me Chicken

Mostly True Memoirs

Marry Me Chicken

Marry Me Chicken

Everyone is talking about the Marry Me Chicken recipe.

I had to try it.

I went online and found a zillion variations.

Which one is the right one?

I put a lot of thought and effort into picking which recipe to try.

It had to fulfill two requirements:

  1. Use ingredients I already have so I don’t have to go to the store
  2. Use a minimum of dishes so there won’t be much to clean

Yes, I base most of my decisions on laziness.

The Marry Me Chicken turned out good.

But I don’t know if it was worth marriage.

I mean, come on.

Been there, done that.

Both with marriage and with chicken dinners.

We spent the entire meal poking fun of wedded bliss.

And chickens.

I guess that made it worthy after all.

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Family

A Bruised Toenail And A Serious Decision To Be Made

A bruised toenail

A bruised toenail

A Bruised Toenail

When my boys were little, they were terrified of the Tooth Fairy.

They didn’t want some crazy-a$$ fairy getting all into their business while they slept.

They decided to leave their teeth under my pillow instead of their own.

Seriously?

I didn’t want some crazy-a$$ fairy getting all into my business either.

However, this idea did present some simple logistics for the whole tooth-fairy thing.

The teeth went under my pillow.

Fast forward to today.

Bob recently injured his big toe.

The nail became horribly discolored.

Today the bruised toenail popped off of his foot in one large piece.

A callus developed underneath the nail, so it wasn’t really gross at all.

The horrible part was the actual toenail.

Bob proudly displayed his disgusting souvenir to the family.

The Grown Sons wondered if he put it under his pillow, would the Tooth Fairy bring him a quarter?

Bob guessed that the Tooth Fairy would be a little offended at this particular offering.

“I came all the way here for THAT?” is what she might say.

Before punching him in the teeth.

Bob decided that he doesn’t want some crazy-a$$ fairy getting all into his business while he sleeps.

So he’s going to leave that nasty, bruised toenail under my pillow.

Of course, he’ll have to weigh the options of a crazy-a$$ wife versus a crazy-a$$ Tooth Fairy.

It’s his call.

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Lifestyle

That Spongebob Song About The Best Day Ever

That Spongebob Song

That Spongebob Song

That Spongebob Song

It’s the best day ever!

Spongebob sang it, so it’s gotta be true.

Today is National Puppy Day.

What could be better than National Puppy Day?

Today is also National Tamale Day.

And it’s also National Chip and Dip Day.

All these wonderful things on the same day?

It doesn’t get much better than this.

It’s also National Near Miss Day.

Seriously?

Come on – don’t rain on my puppy, tamale, and chip and dip parade.

I’ve got that annoying Spongebob song going through my head now.

Maybe that song is my near miss.

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Lifestyle

Stop That – Don’t Make A Fool Of Yourself!

Stop That

Stop That

Stop That!

I caved.

I didn’t mean to do it.

But I did it.

I read Prince Harry’s memoir, Spare.

It’s an awkward read.

There’s a glaring lack of personal accountability.

He is very angry that the tabloids have written humiliating stories about his foolish behavior in public.

But not once does he acknowledge he caused these situations to happen with his drinking, pot smoking, and drug taking.

Perhaps he should consider staying sober in public.

He might complain that it isn’t fair.

But seriously, it’s the Social Media Age.

We all should behave as if an image will be posted of whatever it is that we’re doing.

Because it probably will.

It’s not necessarily a bad thing.

It might inspire more of us to behave with a little more dignity.

Even Prince Harry.

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Family

A Very Special Birthday Dinner With Mushrooms

Birthday Dinner

Birthday Dinner

A Special Birthday Dinner

It was my mother’s birthday.

She’s been gone a long time now.

Every year I make her a special birthday dinner.

We always have chicken tetrazzini.

It’s a pasta dish with chicken and mushrooms in a cream and wine sauce.

It’s delicious.

Mom loved it.

Every year, The Grown Sons complain bitterly about the mushrooms.

Every year I tell them that I don’t care if they don’t like it.

Grandma liked it.

That’s all that counts.

Every year, they come up with new and innovative ways to insult the mushrooms.

I guess we’re creating new family traditions.

Not, perhaps, the traditions that I had in mind.

But still.

Mom loved a well-placed insult.

She would have been greatly entertained by The Grown Sons’ vulgar descriptions of the mushrooms.

But soon she would have shut them down.

She had a terrific sense of humor.

But not a whole lot of patience.

Happy birthday, Mom, I miss you every day.

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Categories
Lifestyle

The Moral Of The Story Is Care!

The Moral of the Story

The Moral of the Story

The Moral Of The Story

I glanced through Prince Harry’s autobiography, Spare.

I couldn’t bring myself to actually read it.

The news headlines have told me more than enough.

But I did notice that his father calls him Darling Boy.

I immediately thought of Pierre.

You know, from the children’s picture book by Maurice Sendak

Pierre is a spoiled, miserable child with a horrible attitude.

He had such a nasty disposition that when he got swallowed by a lion, he made the lion sick.

Pierre’s mother called him Darling Boy.

Was Charles being affectionate or was he being sarcastic when he called his son Darling Boy?

Either way, that story must now and forever be read with a royal British accent.

The moral of Pierre is – Care!

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