Categories
Lifestyle

This One Scary Procedure Will Stop That Vicious Cycle

A Vicious Cycle

It’s been a vicious cycle.

I’ve had this bit of scar tissue on the inside of my cheek.

It sticks out, so I keep biting it.

Because I keep biting it, it keeps growing bigger.

And the bigger it gets, the more often I bite it.

Finally, the dentist advised removing it.

I HATE dental procedures.

But I hate this bitey-bit even more.

So I agreed to have it removed.

I thought they would just take a knife and shave it off.

That’s what a dermatologist would do.

Apparently, the dentist operates in a completely different orbit than the dermatologist.

They did not cut it.

They cauterized it.

In other words, they burned it off.

They used tweezers to hold the lesion up, and then they cauterized the base.

Yes, there was smoke.

Yes, there was the smell of burning flesh.

Yes, I was completely numb.

I sat very, very, very still so they wouldn’t accidentally burn parts of me that they didn’t intend to burn

But I was freaking out on the inside.

When I got home and took a look, I was horrified to see a blackened, ashy fire pit inside my cheek.

Seriously, it was a third-degree burn.

It brought to mind every crime movie I’ve ever seen where they put out a cigarette on somebody’s face.

You can’t use a salve or an ointment inside your mouth.

You just have to deal with it.

Ewww, it was gross.

Nobody was more surprised than me to find, the next morning, that it was significantly healed.

It was no longer black and ashy.

It didn’t even hurt.

It’s reassuring to know that the dentist really did know what she was doing.

I’ll still freak out at my next visit.

Because that’s how I roll.

But I’ll definitely freak out with a little more confidence, a little less crime-movie vibe, and a whole lot less of that painful vicious cycle.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Categories
Lifestyle Work

Being Coachable Is The Secret To Success

On being coachable

My boys once had a coach who swore he could teach any kid to play.

And he did.

Kids would start out timid and shy and uncoordinated.

And he would turn them into athletes.

It was an amazing transformation.

The caveat, he said, was that the kid had to be coachable.

The ones who argued or who complained or who dragged their feet might not turn into athletes, even if they had raw talent.

Anyone who was willing to listen, willing to try, and willing to accept advice could be turned into a fine athlete.

I always admired that coach.

I teach my English classes the same way.

Every child has the capacity to learn to read and write.

I have had middle school students reading at a third-grade level, and I’ve brought them up to grade level.

I have had ten-year-olds who couldn’t read at all, and I’ve brought them up to grade level.

I have had troubled kids who thought there was no hope, and I’ve brought them up to grade level.

The caveat is that they have to be coachable.

They have to be willing to listen, willing to try, and willing to accept advice.

I had one middle-school girl who was not coachable.

The class was online, and she was always on her phone during every session.

How do I know?

Her eyes were glued down to her lap, and she would laugh at inappropriate moments.

I called on her often, in an attempt to force her to pay attention.

Her responses were either an eye roll or a completely off-topic answer.

I encouraged her to set her phone aside.

I sent messages to her parents.

Nothing ever changed.

Sigh.

She got out of this class exactly what she put into it.

Nothing.

This kid didn’t make any progress.

Hopefully it was just a phase for her.

One day she’ll realize that she has some catching up to do.

I’ve taught plenty of adults how to read.

She can come back to me when she has her epiphany.

When she’s ready to be coachable, I’ll teach her to read.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Categories
Lifestyle

How To Turn Down The Hot Date Of A Lifetime

A hot date?

I got an urgent notice regarding my toll tags.

Apparently, I’m overdrawn on my account.

And I owe late fees.

They’re going to send me to collections.

Unless I follow their instructions.

And do it immediately.

But here’s the thing.

Their email address had the word “romance” in it.

Seriously?

The Texas Department of Transportaion issues the toll tags.

I don’t think of romance when I think of TxDOT.

I know, Valentine’s Day is coming up.

But that still doesn’t equate TxDOT with a hot date.

Yeah, nah, I’m not going to follow those instructions.

It doesn’t sound romantic at all.

In fact, it sounds like the exact opposite of a hot date

Since there’s no possibility of chocolate or flowers, and it’s a sure bet that there will be no sizzling hot date, I’m just going to ignore the whole thing.

Sorry, Scammer, I won’t be your Valentine.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Categories
Lifestyle Work

Why Spelling Is Important – Put the Pedal to the Metal

Put the pedal to the metal

I’m an English teacher.

And an editor.

I should know better.

But I’m only human.

To this day, I can’t figure out the difference between affect and effect.

I know, I could use the RAVEN trick.

Remember that Affect is a Verb and Effect is a Noun.

Except, of course, that sometimes affect is a noun and sometimes effect is a verb.

Ugh.

I just can’t.

My workaround is to simply find another way to say it.

I’ll go to huge lengths to avoid using these words.

There’s always another word.

And so it is with the idiom “put the pedal to the metal.”

Is it pedal or petal or peddle?

Is it medal or metal or meddle?

The correct idiom – put the pedal to the metal – is a car reference, indicating that you should push the gas pedal all the way down to the floorboard in order to go as fast as you can.

If you can’t figure out how to write it correctly, find another idiom.

There’s always another idiom.

Try using “B*lls to the wall.”

It’s an aviation reference, and it means the same thing.

Go as fast as you can.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Categories
Dog Lifestyle

It Snowed, And Now We’re In A Winter Wonderland

It Snowed, and Now We're In A Winter Wonderland

It snowed, it snowed, it snowed!

Everyone is always so surprised when it snows here in North Texas.

But why should they be surprised?

It snows every year.

This was a gentle snowstorm with several inches of lovely white powder.

It’s a beautiful, powdery, winter wonderland.

Blue is in doggy heaven.

She has had the perpetual zoomies, running and jumping and romping in the snow.

With her curly hair, the snow clumps all over her body, and it won’t rub off with a towel.

I have to hair-dry her to melt the ice clumps off.

She does not appreciate the hair dryer.

But she does appreciate the iciclectomies.

I have enjoyed wearing boots and mittens and sweaters for the past couple of days.

But now the storm is over.

The weather will warm up over the weekend, and the snow will quickly melt away.

I’m fine with that.

I’ve had my fill of winter.

This Southern California girl can only take so much of the winter wonderland thing.

I’m ready for spring.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

This post might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

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Categories
Work

Who Knew? I’ve Been On The Right Track All Along!

Who knew?

Who knew?

Who knew that microlearning was a thing?

I never even heard of the word until recently.

But I’ve been doing it all along.

It’s how I teach.

One thing at a time.

For example, with my beginning ESL students, I don’t try to cram the entirety of the English language into that first lesson.

I teach them how to say hello.

By the second class, we can all greet each other.

Success!

With that first accomplishment comes confidence, and with confidence comes success in the next thing, and then the next and then the next.

It’s the opposite of the snowball effect.

The snowball effect is a negative concept.

Something bad happens which creates another bad thing which creates yet another bad thing until the situation snowballs into a complete sh**show.

The opposite of that is when something good happens which creates the confidence to create another good thing which in turn creates another good thing.

Somebody should invent a word for this because it’s a real thing.

It’s how I teach.

One success at a time.

My students LOVE my classes.

And they are growing and developing their skills.

I teach English Language Arts to K-12.

I teach creative writing, ESL, and Public Speaking to adults.

Every single student has unlimited potential.

I meet them where they are.

And teach them one thing.

And then one more thing thing.

And then one more thing after that.

Microlearning.

Who knew?

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Quiet Confidence – How To Develop Your Own Strength

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Lifestyle

An Easy Way To Manage The ELF Diet

The ELF Diet

It’s that time of year again.

Time to start the old ELF diet.

You know which one I’m talking about.

You don’t have to measure your food or keep any records.

There’s nothing you can’t eat on this diet.

It’s simple.

Although don’t look to me as any kind of role model.

I’ve obviously failed this diet many times over.

The ELF diet regimen is simple.

Eat Less Food.

So far today I have had no cookies.

Which is a considerable improvement over the past few days.

Of course, the day is not over yet.

There’s no telling what sort of cookie damage I might do in the coming hours.

I’m hoping the Grown Sons will come by for dinner and clear out all the holiday leftovers.

That way I can’t be tempted by cookies or mashed potatoes.

Let the ELF diet begin!

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Categories
Lifestyle

Expert Opinion – Die Hard IS a Christmas Movie!

Is Die Hard a Christmas Movie?

I went to a holiday party where we played a Christmas movie trivia game.

My team answered Die Hard to any question that we didn’t know the answer to.

And guess what?

We won.

This ends the eternal debate.

Is Die Hard a Christmas movie?

Yes!

We won a prize so it MUST be true.

When I got home from the party, guess what was on TV?

Die Hard.

Yippee-ki-yay, the holiday spirit has arrived.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Categories
Lifestyle

Beware The Center Console – It’s A Trap!

The Center Console

Darn that center console!

Why, why, WHY is the car designed with enough room to dump the entire contents of your refrigerator between the seat and the center console, but not enough room to put your hand down there to pick the stuff up?

I didn’t even see what fell.

But I knew that I had to retrieve it because one day soon I might be stuck in a situation where a much-needed item wouldn’t be at hand when necessary.

I reached down to fish it out, whatever it might be.

Just like the roach motel, I checked in.

But I couldn’t check out.

My hand was stuck.

Firmly stuck.

A metal rod was wedged into my forearm, pinning it down.

I couldn’t move.

I had the brilliant idea to move the seat backward to release my hand.

But I couldn’t reach the seat adjustment knob.

Because my arm was pinned down.

I immediately thought of that book, Mrs. Bridge, when India Bridge’s car stalled halfway out of the garage, and she was stuck, unable to open the door in the freezing winter weather.

Of course, in her day, she didn’t have a cell phone available to her.

I started to laugh, imagining my call to 911.

Our garage is small, and parking is tight on both sides.

There’s no way the fire department could fit in here to help me.

They would have to knock down some walls and use the jaws of life to free my hand.

Yeah, nah, that’s a big nope.

I’ll figure this out by myself.

Even if it kills me.

And it might.

Well maybe not kill, but certainly maim, or, possibly, dismember.

Eventually, with a lot of painful effort, and perhaps a few unconfirmed F-bombs, I finally freed my hand.

I’m going to have a bruise.

It turned out that what I had dropped was some chapstick.

Seriously?

All of this grief, potential humiliation, and possible jaws-of-life property damage for a chapstick?

Somebody has GOT to come up with a better design for that center console gap.

What we’re working with isn’t working at all.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Categories
Lifestyle Work

Boop! Why This Word Is Better Than The Original

Boop!

Boop!

Kids should be in charge of naming things.

Today I was doing a proofreading drill with a group of early elementary kids.

The sentence needed an exclamation point at the end.

No one could see the error, so I read the sentence out loud dramatically to demonstrate the excitement of the passage.

“I know it, I know it!” they all shouted, but no one could remember the exact word for exclamation point.

They were all shouting and gesturing at once.

I knew they had figured it out, I was just giving them time to remember the word.

Then one kid shouted out, “It’s the swoop with the boop!”

She wasn’t wrong.

I would be remiss if I didn’t teach them the proper word for exclamation point.

But in my mind, that word has been forever changed to “the swoop with the boop.”

It’s so much more descriptive than ‘exclamation point.’

Boop!

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

This post might include affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a small commission from the seller at no cost to you.

How To Find Funny Stories To Tell Your Friends

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