Categories
family storytelling

It’s That Time of the Year

That Time of the Year

IT’S THAT TIME OF THE YEAR

It’s that time of the year.

It’s time for our annual insurance renewal fiasco.

It happens every year.

The pharmacy wouldn’t release the prescription.

The birthdate was incorrect.

Excuse me?

We all have the same birthdates we have always had.

Nothing has changed in that department.

They told me to call the insurance company to straighten it out.

This entailed an entire afternoon of phone calls and lengthy holds.

It eventually got resolved in my favor.

I knew it would.

I received an updated text from the pharmacy that my order was ready.

Back I went.

Where the clerk told me they couldn’t release my order.

The birthdate was incorrect.

I took a deep breath.

A very deep breath.

I was about to go full Karen on him.

But then he looked through the computer records and saw that the issue had been resolved.

I got the prescription.

As soon as I got home, the kid remembered an additional thing that he needs from the pharmacy.

I need a drink.

Categories
family storytelling

His Ringtone Volume

His ringtone volume

HIS RINGTONE VOLUME

My darling husband keeps his ringtone volume on high.

And his phone rings constantly.

All day long.

I swear, I have a heart attack every time that freaking alarm goes off.

I have asked him to turn it down.

After all, his phone is always with him.

It doesn’t need to be so loud.

He doesn’t even need sound at all.

It could stay on vibrate and he wouldn’t miss a call.

Sometimes I sneak in and turn it down.

He always turns it back up.

Today he got tired of my complaining.

He made an adjustment.

Now his phone quacks instead of rings.

Still at full volume.

Whatever happens next, I swear, it will be justified.

Categories
humor storytelling

Murder is Super Illegal

Murder is super illegal

Someone said that it’s a shame that murder is super illegal.

I have to disagree.

I think it’s a very good thing that murder is super illegal.

It’s a deterrent.

I wouldn’t do well in prison.

It would be too people-y.

What if I didn’t get along with my roommate?

I doubt that the bedding would be clean enough.

And don’t get me started on the lack of fresh produce at mealtime.

Yep, I think it’s a very good thing that murder is super illegal.

Y’all can sleep well tonight knowing that I have been sufficiently deterred.