Categories
reading storytelling

It’s a Sad Day for the Arts

It's a Sad Day for the Arts

It’s a sad day for the arts.

Larry McMurty has passed. He wrote Lonesome Dove. That was his most famous book, but he wrote lots and lots of other books including Horseman Pass By, Leaving Cheyanne and The Last Picture Show. Lonesome Dove was by far my favorite McMurtry Book. I just love the love/hate friendship between Woodrow and Gus. I may have to re-read that book to honor McMurtry’s passing.

Beverly Cleary has passed. She wrote an enormous collection of children’s books. Her most famous is the Ramona The Pest series which included Ramona and Beezus and Henry and Ribsy. She also wrote the Ralph Mouse series and Ellen Tebbits. I read every single book she wrote when I was a kid. She had the rare ability to capture the true spirit of a child in her stories. Beverly Cleary will be missed, but her books will live on because they are timeless.

Jessica Walter has passed. She had a prolific acting career, but I will remember her best as Lucille Bluth in Arrested Development. She was a very lovely lady, so I’m sure she had a lot of fun playing such a self-absorbed sourpuss of a character. I’m going to have to re-watch Arrested Development and pay special attention to her character because her quotes are scathing gems.

Dr. Seuss said once, “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”

It’s a sad day for the arts.

But I’m smiling because it happened.

Categories
humor lifestyle storytelling

The Porta Potty Guy

The Porta Potty Guy

THE PORTA POTTY GUY

I was driving down a two-lane country road.

I kept plenty of room between me and the pick-up in front of me.

The guy behind me was annoyed.

He wanted me to speed up.

I refused.

He rage-lane-changed around me.

And then he pulled up short.

And slowed down to give the truck in front plenty of room.

Yeah, the guy in front was hauling a couple of Porta Potties.

You’d have to be in a crazy-insane kind of hurry to crowd the Porta-Potty Guy.

I’ve never been in that kind of a hurry.

I’ll never be in that kind of a hurry.

But if anyone ever wants to test it out, it would be very entertaining to watch.

Categories
family humor storytelling

Happy Birthday To You

Happy birthday to you

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PEYTON MANNING

Happy birthday, Peyton Manning.

We started the celebration early in the morning with Belgian waffles and bananas foster.

The party continued into the dinner hour.

With spaghetti and meatballs.

Everything was fresh and homemade.

Of course, there was a birthday cake for dessert.

Peyton never showed up.

That was kind of rude.

But luckily it was Bob’s birthday too.

The celebration didn’t go to waste.

We watched our favorite clip of Manning on SNL.

And spent the rest of the day quoting things like, “Loser,” and “You suck,” and “It’s not that f**king hard.”

The skit ended with “Spend time with your kids, so Peyton Manning doesn’t.”

Maybe next year, Peyton, maybe next year.

Categories
humor lifestyle storytelling

That Is An Outright Lie

That is an outright lie

THAT IS AN OUTRIGHT LIE

Socks.

Socks are the bane of my existence.

I hate socks.

Women’s socks are labeled as one-size-fits-all.

That is an outright lie.

The one-size-fits-all sock is never small enough nor snug enough.

In the girl’s department socks have sizes, but the large size is 4-10.

Which is the same as the one-size-fits-all sock.

The medium size is 10-2.

Excuse me?

There is an unaccounted-for size that wants to wear socks that fit.

Too-big socks create a sock bump.

Which is a nightmare.

Too-small socks slide down and bunch up.

Which is a nightmare.

Is a 2-6 size range for socks too much to ask for?

Apparently it is too much to ask for.

Thank goodness for flip-flops.

Categories
family humor storytelling

They Have Been Warned

They have been warned

THEY HAVE BEEN WARNED

My back is feeling much, much better.

I am no longer hobbling.

But I am very, very stiff.

The Grown Sons have been taking full advantage of the situation.

They have been placing garbage in the hood of my sweatshirt.

I can’t twist around to get it out.

They think they’re hilarious.

Whatever.

I’m tired.

I’ve lost the will to care.

If it’s just paper, I can live with it.

However, if I discover that they’ve put anything gloppy back there, like a yogurt lid or a banana peel, they will be eligible for the death penalty.

They have been warned.

Categories
family humor storytelling

Happy Birthday, Mom

Happy Birthday, Mom

Happy birthday, Mom.

She’s been gone for many years now.

I make a chicken tetrazzini dinner every year to celebrate her birthday.

Part of the tradition involves the Grown Sons complaining bitterly about the mushrooms.

This year, emboldened by his pending move to his own apartment, one Grown Son rudely declared, “Those mushrooms smell like the dog’s a$$hole.”

This led to an animated discussion about how in the world he came to know that particular bit of information.

Grandma would have thoroughly enjoyed this conversation.

In no particular order of preference, Mom loved:

  1. Her grandkids
  2. Sauteed mushrooms
  3. A well-placed insult

If anyone ever wonders what it’s like to be a boymom, it can be summed up as a lively discussion about the dog’s a$$hole while lovingly preparing Grandma’s birthday dinner.

Happy birthday, Mom, I miss you every day.

Categories
family humor storytelling

I Pulled a Muscle in my Back

I pulled a muscle

I PULLED A MUSCLE

I pulled a muscle in my back.

I’m in agony.

I can’t stand up straight.

I’m hobbling around the house, barely able to function.

The guys have been kind.

They have been helpful.

They have also been mocking me ruthlessly.

They, too, are hobbling around the house, just like me.

My loving family has also added sound effects to their hobbling.

Apparently sound effects are extra-special funny.

I fear for the day when I really am old and infirm.

Bob assured me that since he is older than me, he will certainly be stricken first.

I’ll remember that.

Sound effects will definitely play a part in his crippling old age.

Categories
storytelling

Spring Is In The Air

Spring is in the air

Spring is in the air.

The days are longer.

The air is warmer.

The sun is brighter.

But just in case you weren’t sure, that first harbinger of Spring has made it abundantly clear that the seasons have changed.

The fire ants are back.

Stupid ants.

Categories
family humor storytelling

It Used To Be Our Guilty Pleasure

It used to be our guilty pleasure

It used to be our guilty pleasure.

The Grown Sons and I used to love those soft, frosted sugar cookies from the grocery store.

I haven’t bought them in years, though.

Because diabetes.

Today I found some in a snack pack of two cookies.

A two-pack!!

Of course I bought it.

I was thrilled.

When I excitedly showed the boys my glorious two-cookie purchase, I was met with stark indifference.

“Whatever,” they grunted and shrugged.

I guess I will be indulging in our guilty pleasure all by myself.

Whatever, indeed.

Categories
storytelling

Pulling Splinters Out Of My Hands

Pulling splinters out of my hands

PULLING SPLINTERS OUT OF MY HANDS

I spent the morning doing yard work.

I trimmed an overgrown Crape Myrtle.

I prepped my vegetable garden.

I turned the compost.

I spent the entire morning outside in the yard.

I spent the entire afternoon inside on the couch binge watching Bosch.

And pulling splinters out of my hands.

Ouch!