Categories
Work

I Love Stupid Humor

Stupid Humor

I love stupid humor.

My student used the term “expression face” when she meant to use “facial expression.”

I immediately thought of the Boaty McBoatface PR fiasco.

I considered discussing this with her.

But I decided against it.

How do you explain that sometimes stupid is stupid.

And sometimes stupid is funny.

It’s purely subjective.

I think that the Boaty McBoatface story was hilarious.

But I’ll bet there were folks at the Natural Environment Research Council who were not so amused.

Or maybe they were.

Who knows?

There are no rules when it comes to stupid humor.

And if there are no rules, there is no logical way to explain it.

I skipped the whole Boaty McBoatface thing and just continued the lesson.

Categories
Lifestyle

You’ve Got to Love Karma

Karma

Oh, you’ve got to love Karma.

I was driving down a residential street in my neighborhood.

It was a lovely spring morning.

People were outdoors playing ball, doing yard work and washing their cars.

Families with strollers and dogs were out and about.

Bicycles and joggers were out in droves.

So, of course, I drove very slowly and carefully.

Apparently I was driving too slowly and carefully.

A young lady, driving fast, screeched behind me, yanked around my car quickly and roared past in a fury.

Everyone yelled at her.

One guy chased after her.

Several people took a picture of her license plate.

I continued on slowly past the now-outraged crowd.

When I drove out of the neighborhood and turned onto the main street, the traffic was backed up for a passing train.

I pulled up right behind my speed-demon nemesis.

I honked and waved.

She flipped me the bird.

Whatever.

You’ve got to love Karma.

Categories
Work

A Bad Idea for a Lesson Plan

A Bad Idea

It was a bad idea for a lesson plan.

Today’s idioms were “Don’t quit your day job,” and “When pigs fly.”

Really?

Not only did I have to teach what these expressions mean, I had to warn my students not to say these things because they are insults.

In other words, it was a wasted class session.

These expressions are very nuanced.

Nuance is an advanced concept.

Today’s students were beginners.

I sure hope they don’t come back to class tomorrow with a black eye.

Sarcasm is a bad idea for a lesson plan. 

Categories
Dog

How the Tables Have Turned

How The Tables Have Turned

Oh, how the tables have turned.

We were in the midst of a major rainstorm.

It had been gray and rainy all morning, but suddenly it turned pitch dark.

The wind began to howl.

And the rain started pelting in sideways.

My little dog was freaking out.

My last dogs were German Shepherds.

They would have stood guard to protect me, barking at the storm.

But not my little Wrigley.

She was trembling in fear, burying her snout in the crook of my elbow.

Oh, how the tables have turned.

Categories
Work

That Was Rude

That Was Rude

Sometimes my English students say things that are horribly rude.

Rude by American standards.

Perhaps it’s OK from their own perspective…

I don’t argue values, but I sometimes mention the American point of view.

“In the US, it is not polite to call somebody fat.”

or

“In the US, it is impolite to ask someone how much money they make.”

Today we were speaking about world cuisines.

One man said that he does not like hot, spicy food.

A woman mocked him, “But you’re a MAN!”

I quickly changed the subject.

What a loaded topic.

I don’t have the words to address this issue.

And I’m fluent.

Categories
Family

Moving Day For The Grown Son

Moving Day

It was moving day for the Grown Son.

His old apartment was a run-down, crime-ridden tenement building.

In fact, while we were packing him up, the cops came several times.

Not for us, but still.

His new place is in a much nicer building.

And a much nicer neighborhood.

The new roommate is one of his best friends from high school.

He is neat, and The Grown Son is a slob.

Hopefully the kid will be a good influence on our little pig-dog.

I would hate to think that our little pig-dog might be a bad influence on the roommate.

Only time will tell…

Categories
Diabetes Lifestyle

It Was A Great Day

 A Great Day

It was a great day!

We saw the Cubs at the Rangers yesterday.

What an exciting game!

It was tied at 10 in the bottom of the ninth.

The Rangers got a walk-off run on a wild pitch to end the game.

It was very disappointing for us Cubs fans.

Meanwhile, the weather was a very odd factor.

It’s been kind of cool these past few days, so I wore a heavy jacket.

When we arrived, our seats were in the sun.

It was hot, so I took off my jacket.

Soon enough, however, the sun shifted.

We sat in the shade for the rest of the game.

And froze our butts off.

I zipped up my jacket, pulled on the hood, and was very glad that I found some mittens in the pockets. 

I wished I had also found a scarf and a blanket.

As the Jumbotron scanned the crowd, the sunny-side people were seen wearing short sleeves and looking kind of sweaty.

The shady-side people, on the other hand, were seen wearing jackets and hats and were shivering.

It’s hard to believe we were all in the same stadium.

The only disappointing part of the day, aside from the shade-induced frostbite, was that Brandon Morrow didn’t pitch.

I’ve been following him for years.

Brandon Morrow is my hero.

He is a Type 1 Diabetic AND a world-class athlete.

There are other T1Ds that could be a role model for my kids.

But they’re not particularly relevant to a young man.

Mary Tyler Moore (who?).

Sonya Sotomayor (meh).

Nick Jonas (….fuggedaboudit)

But Brandon Morrow…

Now there’s an amazing role model for any T1D kid to emulate.

Sorry we missed you Brandon – we’ll be following you all season.

It was a great day!

Categories
Family

How To Get Out Of Chores. Don’t Tell Bob That It Was Easy.

How To Get Out Of Chores

I’m so nice.

Let me tell you all about it.

Bob mowed the lawn for the first time this spring.

The first mow is a huge job because the grass is so thick.

He sunk down into the couch in exhaustion, and then he said,

“Oh I forgot, it’s trash night.”

Because I’m so nice, I said, “Don’t get up, I’ll do it.” 

And then I instantly regretted my offer.

Because it was already dark.

There might be spiders.

Or a possum.

Or maybe even a cow.

Bob rolled his eyes and said, “Never mind, I’ll do it.”

But I insisted.

I am not a coward.

Well, I am, but still…

I braved the dark suburban wilds to haul the cans to the curb.

Bob told me not to worry.

I am small.

If anything should happen, he could easily fit me into one of the trash bins.

I was not reassured.

Not one bit.

The entire trash-can-hauling-in-the-dark incident turned out to be completely uneventful.

But don’t tell Bob.

He might expect me to do it again.

Categories
Work

Pi Day Celebration

Pi Day

It’s Pi Day.

It’s a great day for a homophone lesson for my ESL students.

I have a longstanding tradition of making whoopie pies on March 14.

I hit the kitchen to start baking.

Only to realize that I didn’t have any marshmallow cream.

This is one of the pitfalls of an empty nest.

No marshmallow cream.

No problem.

I can make vanilla cream instead.

Only to realize that I didn’t have any powdered sugar.

Another pitfall of the empty nest.

But again, no problem.

I don’t need no stinkin’ powered sugar.

I can make my own.

I made a very, very small batch this time.

A regular recipe makes a ton of huge whoopie pies.

What are the two of us going to do with that much food?

We need a bunch of teenage athletes and all of their teammates to tackle that many goodies.

I told my ESL classes that Americans love play-on-word humor.

They now understand why it is funny to eat pie on Pi Day.

They now know why it is funny to celebrate Pi Day on March 14.

I explained that it’s not a real holiday, it’s just an excuse to eat pie.

Happy Pi Day.

Categories
Lifestyle

I Intended To Slack Today

Slack

I intended to slack today.

I wanted to spend the day in my pajamas, drinking coffee and reading a book.

Instead, I found myself mopping the floors.

I’m kind of disappointed in myself.

But don’t judge me.

I had a good reason.

No one was home.

It’s rare that no one is home.

And it’s the perfect time to clean the floors.

When they are all home, someone always walks across the wet floor and ruins it.

I’ll say, “Stay out of there for a few minutes, the floor is wet.”

And they’ll walk across the floor anyway.

They’ll say things like,

“I didn’t hear you.”

Or

“I heard you, but I thought you were talking to HIM, not me.”

Or

“Don’t worry, I was careful, I didn’t slip and fall.”

Well, I intended to slack.

I failed.

But I’ve got clean floors, so there’s that.

I’ll slack another time.