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Dog Lifestyle

Is She Really Qualified To Be A Watchdog?

Is She Really Qualified to be a Watchdog?

Blue is a very good watchdog.

She barks at Amazon deliveries.
She barks at the neighbors’ carpools.
She barks at Mittens the Cat.

But somehow she missed the butter thief.

I had a stick of butter on the kitchen counter.

And then, all of a sudden, it was gone.

Wrapper and all.

Blue claims to know nothing about it.

On an entirely unrelated note, someone dumped the kitchen trash.

Blue, again, claims to know nothing about this suspicious turn of events.

She is excellent at monitoring external threats.

But internal investigations?
Not so much.

Currently, Blue has been placed on administrative leave.

Unpaid.

But with snacks.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Categories
Lifestyle Work

I Found Myself on the Brink of Inappropriate

Illustration of a crab wearing a cowboy hat used to represent an inappropriate  moment turned humorous in an online middle school classroom.

I teach middle school online.

At the end of every class, we spend the last 30 seconds on scribble time.

Everyone gets to scribble on the screen.

On the one hand, it’s stupid.

On the other hand, the kids love it.

And in an online classroom, that kind of joy matters.

Scribble time is a tiny but powerful way of building community online.

Today, during scribble time, one student announced,

“I want to talk about Jeffrey.”

“Jeffrey Dahmer?” another kid piped up.

Oh no.

We are NOT discussing Jeffrey Dahmer.

I’m not going to explain  Dahmer to the kids who don’t know.

That inappropriate topic is way above my pay grade.

I was one second away from closing down an inappropriate session when the student held Jeffrey up to the camera.

Jeffrey was a 3D-printed crab.

Wearing a cowboy hat.

Whew.

Jeffrey the Crab I can handle.

A conversation about 3D printing?

Absolutely within my pay grade.

But the kid who immediately jumped to Jeffrey Dahmer?

Yeah.

I’m keeping my eye on that one.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Categories
Lifestyle

How To Respond To Bad Cell Phone Etiquette

cell phone etiquette

People with bad cell phone etiquette in public are so annoying.

I was in the grocery store, in the produce department, and a young lady on her phone was blocking everywhere I wanted to be.

Every carrot.
Every apple.
Every bag of lettuce.

She was everywhere.
And she was in the way.

I finally gave up and decided to do the rest of my shopping.

I’ll come back to produce later, I thought.

Apparently, she had the same idea.

She followed me.

Still talking.
Still loud.
Still completely oblivious.
She was a textbook example of terrible cell phone etiquette .

And then…she crashed into me.

It was a full-on T-bone collision.
Cart to cart.

I wasn’t hurt.

But she didn’t know that.

She immediately dropped her phone and started apologizing like she’d just caused a five-car pileup.

And yes, I leaned into it.
I appeared faintly stunned.
Slightly fragile.
I gave a great possibly-injured-old-lady routine.

It worked beautifully.

She felt awful.

Thank goodness it was a shopping cart and not a car.

Maybe now she’ll think twice about cell phone etiquette in public.

Although… I doubt it.

Still, for one brief moment in the grocery store, cell phone etiquette made a comeback.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Categories
Dog Lifestyle

True Love – Why I Endured Chaos for My Dog

Chaos!

Whose brilliant idea was it to go to Costco on Thanksgiving week?

Ugh, the crowds.

We buy our dog food from Costco. I keep the enormous bag in the garage and a smaller bin inside the house. Yesterday, when I went to refill the bin, the garage supply was empty. Not a kibble in sight.

If I owned any other dog, I might’ve skipped Costco and grabbed a backup brand until the holiday madness died down. But Blue isn’t just any dog.

Blue has a very sensitive stomach. Her nickname is The Pukolator. When we first got her, we went through a nearly endless dog-food trial before we finally found the one brand, the blessed Costco bag, that keeps her digestive system from launching.

So off to Costco I went.

I grabbed the giant bag and lugged it to the registers… only to see the lines snaking all the way to the back of the store. At noon. On a Tuesday.

Yes, it was Thanksgiving week, but still, this was next-level chaos.

Then I learned why: Costco’s registers were down. They were only accepting cash.

Seriously? I never carry cash. I don’t even carry coins. Except for one quarter that I keep stashed in my car console for Aldi runs. That’s it.

I considered driving to another Costco, but I was already in too deep. A woman behind me sighed grumpily, “Good thing I wore my patient pants today.”

I informed her I had not worn mine. We bonded instantly. Misery loves company, especially in bulk quantities.

Finally, the line started moving. Maybe the system was repaired. Or maybe people had simply given up and fled to Trader Joe’s.

Luckily, Costco worked a miracle. Registers came back online, the staff opened extra lanes, and because I had only one item, they shuttled me to an express checkout line where all forms of payment were welcome. Bless them.

They handled the chaos beautifully.

But next year? I’m checking my dog-food supply on November 1st. I will not be caught up in Costco’s Thanksgiving shopping chaos again.

And Blue? She greeted me with ecstasy when I got home, as if she hadn’t seen me in weeks. Of course, she always greets me that way, so maybe it had nothing to do with the fact that she appreciates the lengths I had just gone to for her.

Now if I can get that kind of enthusiasm to rub off on my family, I’ll have a great Thanksgiving!

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Categories
Lifestyle

Neglect Turned Out To Be The Key To Success!

Neglect Equals Success!

I have this rogue tomato plant that decided to bloom at the end of summer.

Before I left for vacation, I enjoyed plenty of delicious, sun-warmed produce and figured the rest would ripen and die off from neglect before I got back.

But I was wrong.

Apparently, late-season tomatoes take their sweet time to ripen.

When I returned home after more than a week of neglect, that scrappy little plant had gone wild.

I had a massive harvest waiting for me.

Oh my gosh – what am I supposed to do with all of these tomatoes?

I decided to try oven-drying a small batch, just to see what would happen.

It worked.

Oh. My. Gosh.

They were incredible – savory, tangy, chewy little bursts of joy.

I was going to freeze the extras, but they’re so delicious that there might not be any extra left to freeze.

And the best part? I still have a ton of green ones waiting to ripen.

I am in tomato heaven.

I didn’t plan to become a tomato farmer, but here we are.

What about you?

Have you ever had a plant surprise you like that?

Share your garden success (or disaster) stories in the comments.

Misery – and bumper crops – love company!

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Categories
Dog Lifestyle

What In The World Were Those Suspicious Squeaks?

Suspicious squeaks

Playing fetch with Blue, to be honest, is less fetch and more keep-away.

She loves to taunt me with her toy, just out of reach, daring me to chase her.

Yup, she’s faster than me, and she knows it.

But today, fetch got interesting for a whole new reason.

This time of year, the grass is thick, springy, and unpredictable.

One wrong step and suddenly – squeaking.

Squeaking?

Multiple squeaks.

From under the lawn.

At first, I prayed it was just a long-lost dog toy.

But nope, Blue doesn’t get squeaky toys.

She shreds them in minutes.

Rope toys are safer.

The squeaks kept squeaking.

Which meant one thing: I’d stepped on a nest.

Rabbits? Maybe.

Mice? Possible.

Rats? Please, no.

Eww.

Just EWW.

And of course, I was wearing flip-flops.

The horror of possibly touching a rat in flip-flops is enough to launch boot season early this year.

From now on, Blue’s getting a full TSA-style pat-down before entering the house.

Sorry, Blue.

No exceptions.

Hopefully, my misstep encouraged the mystery critters to relocate.

But now I’m side-eyeing my backyard, suspicious.

Who else is living under my lawn?

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Categories
Dog Lifestyle

A Bag is Better Than That Yellow Bucket

The Yellow Bucket

SPOILER ALERT: This Story Is Disgusting (And Hilarious)

Blue is a big dog.

And big dogs leave big piles of poo in the backyard.

Since we play fetch out there every day, I clean the yard daily.

I bag the mess and toss it straight into the garbage.

Bob has a different method.

Instead of using bags, he shovels the poo into a yellow bucket and then dumps the contents into the trash later.

I’ve never understood this system.

Why dirty up the bucket?

It’s just more poo in more places.

Needless to say, I never, ever, ever use that yellow bucket.

Not for gardening, not for cleaning, not for anything.

Because… well, poo.

The other day Bob discovered something horrifying in a corner of the yard.

The Yellow Bucket.

Forgotten.

Full of rainwater.

Sun-baked and steamy.

And, yes, still full of poo.

What he had on his hands was a steaming bucket of Poo Stew.

I didn’t say, “I told you so.”

I didn’t need to.

He was gagging too hard to hear me anyway.

Lesson learned (hopefully):

Use a bag.

And toss it immediately.

As for that yellow bucket?

Let’s just say it disappeared quietly on trash day.

No questions asked.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Categories
Lifestyle

A Handsome Man Wants To Be My New BFF!

A Handsome Man Wants To Be My New BFF!

The Very Handsome Man is back.

Actually, he never left.

He keeps showing up with a different pic and same script, hoping I won’t notice the reruns.

Today, I got yet another friend request.

As expected, the profile features a Very Handsome Man with Very Luxurious Toys.

Yachts. Sports cars. Sometimes even a tiger or two.

Always staged in a dreamy beach setting.

And – SURPRISE – he loves my smile.

And my posts.

And he wants to be my friend.

Yay!

A new BFF!

But hold on.

According to his profile, this one is a Proudly Orthopedic Surgeon Doctor.

Seriously?

Here’s the thing:

If you’re going to try scam someone, maybe don’t scam an English teacher.

Or at least make the effort to run your fake profile through a grammar checker.

Thanks, but no thanks, Very Handsome Man.

I’ll pass.

Again.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Categories
Lifestyle

How Less Can Be More In Great Storytelling

How Less Can Be More In Storytelling

The Power of Minimalism:

A Storytelling Lesson from a Duck

DISCLAIMER: I did not draw this comic. The creator is unknown.

At first glance, this comic looks like a goofy lineup of animals making wishes.

The dog wants to fly.

The fish wants to walk.

The bird wants to swim.

And the duck?

The duck says nothing.

Then comes the second panel.

Every animal turns to glare furiously at the duck.

And that’s where the real magic happens.

This comic is hilarious, not because of what’s said, but because of what isn’t said.

And that’s exactly why it works – especially as a lesson in writing.

Storytelling Isn’t Just About Words

As writers, we often feel the need to spell everything out.

To make sure the reader gets it.

We clarify.

We summarize.

We overexplain.

But some of the most powerful moments in storytelling happen when we don’t say a thing.

When we let the silence, the implication, or the image do the work.

This comic is a perfect example.

How this Comic Delivers Without Saying a Word

Let’s break down the structure:

  • The dog, fish, and bird each express a desire for an ability they don’t possess.
  • The duck says nothing.
  • In the second panel, no one speaks. The animals just glare furiously at the duck.

That moment of stillness is the punchline.

It lands harder because it isn’t explained.

The readers are trusted to connect the dots.

Implication Is a Powerful Tool

As writers, we can learn from this.

The audience is smarter than we sometimes give them credit for.

They enjoy filling in the blanks.

When we hand them everything, we rob them of that “aha” moment that makes a story so satisfying.

Leaving space for implication can:

  • Create tension.
  • Build trust in the reader.
  • Sharpen the humor.
  • Deepen the emotional impact.

The Takeaway for Storytelling

When you’re writing a dialogue, a narration, or even a punchline, ask yourself: Does this need to be said?

Or will it hit harder if I leave it out?

Sometimes the unsaid speaks louder than the said.

Exactly like the look on that duck’s face.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Categories
Lifestyle

This Is So Much Better Than Doomscrolling!

This is so much better than doomscrolling!

While doomscrolling the other day, I caught something unexpected.

I saw a livestream of an elephant rescue.

After 44 years of solitary living in a cement enclosure, this elephant was finally free.

She arrived at a sanctuary and stepped onto soft dirt for the first time.

There was hay and water and shade.

She was playing.

Frolicking.

You could almost see her joy.

This must be the best day of her life.

For now, she’s staying in the barnyard as she adjusts to her new home.

Soon she’ll be able to join the other elephants roaming freely around the grounds.

As I watched this elephant explore her new home, it reminded me of the first day we brought Blue home.

She didn’t quite know what to think of the backyard.

She’d only ever lived in a cage.

Freedom was unfamiliar.

But now?

Now Blue owns the place.

She’s living her best life chasing rabbits, barking at delivery trucks, and stealing the occasional sock.

Instead of doomscrolling, I watched freedom and joy unfold in real time.

I will be following this elephant.

She reminded me to stop the doomscrolling and look for hope.

It’s there.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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