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Dog Lifestyle

Is She Really Qualified To Be A Watchdog?

Is She Really Qualified to be a Watchdog?

Blue is a very good watchdog.

She barks at Amazon deliveries.
She barks at the neighbors’ carpools.
She barks at Mittens the Cat.

But somehow she missed the butter thief.

I had a stick of butter on the kitchen counter.

And then, all of a sudden, it was gone.

Wrapper and all.

Blue claims to know nothing about it.

On an entirely unrelated note, someone dumped the kitchen trash.

Blue, again, claims to know nothing about this suspicious turn of events.

She is excellent at monitoring external threats.

But internal investigations?
Not so much.

Currently, Blue has been placed on administrative leave.

Unpaid.

But with snacks.

Liz Brenner

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Even you.

Especially you.

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Dog Lifestyle

Why Counter Surfing Is Our New Holiday Tradition

Counter Surfing

I made an enormous dish of chicken cordon bleu.

It’s a fussy, time-consuming meal, so I only make it for special occasions.

And when I do make it, I make a HUGE batch with leftovers for days, maybe even some to freeze. I want to get as many meals as I can out of the effort.

Apparently, Blue didn’t get the memo.

Yes. You guessed it.

She ate the entire dish.

Well, almost. We did manage to eat one meal. So she ate everything minus one serving.

Sigh.

Wrigley never did anything like that.

Of course, Wrigley only weighed 25 pounds and couldn’t reach the counter. No opportunity. No temptation. No counter surfing.

Blue is huge.

She can reach the counter with all four paws still on the floor.

She’s learned that if she’s quiet and graceful about it, she might not get caught.

Might.

Because really, who else would eat an entire pan of food and lick the dish clean right after dinner while everyone else is sitting in the other room?

There was yelling.

There was blame.

There was a surprising amount of name-calling directed at the dog.

Blue showed no shame.
No remorse.
No regret.

This was a demonstration in expert-level counter surfing.

She will absolutely do it again.

It was yummy.

Sigh.

And now we wait.

Vomit is coming.

Small dogs rule.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Dog Lifestyle

Why Mittens Is Out For Revenge

Mittens

Mittens

The cat who lives across the street is named Mittens.

Mittens loves to preen in front of our front window.

It drives Blue Dawg insane.

Which is, of course, why Mittens does it.

She’ll groom and strut and stretch, pretending not to notice Blue going berserk, even though I can see those kitty ears twitching with every bark.

That cat knows exactly what she’s doing.

Last night, the Grown Son stopped by.

He could hear Blue barking before he even got the key in the door.

“Hold the dog!” he yelled, “There’s a cat out here!”

Sure enough, Mittens was parked on our front porch like she owned the place.

The Grown Son and I both held Blue back.

Mittens looked genuinely surprised.

She was annoyed by the interruption to her well-orchestrated bullying session.

With an angry flick of her tail, she flounced off into the night, greatly offended.

Blue Dawg: 1
Mittens: 0

Blue won this round.

But Mittens will be back.

Never underestimate the power of a kitty with a grudge.

Poor Blue, she doesn’t stand a chance.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Dog Lifestyle

True Love – Why I Endured Chaos for My Dog

Chaos!

Whose brilliant idea was it to go to Costco on Thanksgiving week?

Ugh, the crowds.

We buy our dog food from Costco. I keep the enormous bag in the garage and a smaller bin inside the house. Yesterday, when I went to refill the bin, the garage supply was empty. Not a kibble in sight.

If I owned any other dog, I might’ve skipped Costco and grabbed a backup brand until the holiday madness died down. But Blue isn’t just any dog.

Blue has a very sensitive stomach. Her nickname is The Pukolator. When we first got her, we went through a nearly endless dog-food trial before we finally found the one brand, the blessed Costco bag, that keeps her digestive system from launching.

So off to Costco I went.

I grabbed the giant bag and lugged it to the registers… only to see the lines snaking all the way to the back of the store. At noon. On a Tuesday.

Yes, it was Thanksgiving week, but still, this was next-level chaos.

Then I learned why: Costco’s registers were down. They were only accepting cash.

Seriously? I never carry cash. I don’t even carry coins. Except for one quarter that I keep stashed in my car console for Aldi runs. That’s it.

I considered driving to another Costco, but I was already in too deep. A woman behind me sighed grumpily, “Good thing I wore my patient pants today.”

I informed her I had not worn mine. We bonded instantly. Misery loves company, especially in bulk quantities.

Finally, the line started moving. Maybe the system was repaired. Or maybe people had simply given up and fled to Trader Joe’s.

Luckily, Costco worked a miracle. Registers came back online, the staff opened extra lanes, and because I had only one item, they shuttled me to an express checkout line where all forms of payment were welcome. Bless them.

They handled the chaos beautifully.

But next year? I’m checking my dog-food supply on November 1st. I will not be caught up in Costco’s Thanksgiving shopping chaos again.

And Blue? She greeted me with ecstasy when I got home, as if she hadn’t seen me in weeks. Of course, she always greets me that way, so maybe it had nothing to do with the fact that she appreciates the lengths I had just gone to for her.

Now if I can get that kind of enthusiasm to rub off on my family, I’ll have a great Thanksgiving!

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Dog Lifestyle

Why Blue Is The Best Dog Ever

Best Dog Ever!

Blue is the Best Dog Ever.

She’s the happiest girl in the world who literally leaps for joy every morning.

She has turned ‘fetch’ into a masterclass in keep-away.

And she’s the reason we keep barbells on our trashcan lids.

She’s taught me some essential life lessons:

Blue is a magnificent goofball who turns every day into a mud-splattered, tail-thumping, laugh-out-loud adventure.

Happy National Dog Day!

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Dog Lifestyle

What In The World Were Those Suspicious Squeaks?

Suspicious squeaks

Playing fetch with Blue, to be honest, is less fetch and more keep-away.

She loves to taunt me with her toy, just out of reach, daring me to chase her.

Yup, she’s faster than me, and she knows it.

But today, fetch got interesting for a whole new reason.

This time of year, the grass is thick, springy, and unpredictable.

One wrong step and suddenly – squeaking.

Squeaking?

Multiple squeaks.

From under the lawn.

At first, I prayed it was just a long-lost dog toy.

But nope, Blue doesn’t get squeaky toys.

She shreds them in minutes.

Rope toys are safer.

The squeaks kept squeaking.

Which meant one thing: I’d stepped on a nest.

Rabbits? Maybe.

Mice? Possible.

Rats? Please, no.

Eww.

Just EWW.

And of course, I was wearing flip-flops.

The horror of possibly touching a rat in flip-flops is enough to launch boot season early this year.

From now on, Blue’s getting a full TSA-style pat-down before entering the house.

Sorry, Blue.

No exceptions.

Hopefully, my misstep encouraged the mystery critters to relocate.

But now I’m side-eyeing my backyard, suspicious.

Who else is living under my lawn?

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Dog Lifestyle

A Bag is Better Than That Yellow Bucket

The Yellow Bucket

SPOILER ALERT: This Story Is Disgusting (And Hilarious)

Blue is a big dog.

And big dogs leave big piles of poo in the backyard.

Since we play fetch out there every day, I clean the yard daily.

I bag the mess and toss it straight into the garbage.

Bob has a different method.

Instead of using bags, he shovels the poo into a yellow bucket and then dumps the contents into the trash later.

I’ve never understood this system.

Why dirty up the bucket?

It’s just more poo in more places.

Needless to say, I never, ever, ever use that yellow bucket.

Not for gardening, not for cleaning, not for anything.

Because… well, poo.

The other day Bob discovered something horrifying in a corner of the yard.

The Yellow Bucket.

Forgotten.

Full of rainwater.

Sun-baked and steamy.

And, yes, still full of poo.

What he had on his hands was a steaming bucket of Poo Stew.

I didn’t say, “I told you so.”

I didn’t need to.

He was gagging too hard to hear me anyway.

Lesson learned (hopefully):

Use a bag.

And toss it immediately.

As for that yellow bucket?

Let’s just say it disappeared quietly on trash day.

No questions asked.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Dog Work

Spoiler Alert – Blue Really IS The Best Dog Ever!

She really IS the best dog ever!

My dog Blue is the Best Dog Ever.

Except when the Grown Son is around.

Then she ignores me completely in favor of him.

The Grown Son thinks this is hilarious.

Our last dog Wrigley used to do the same thing.

She would ignore me completely whenever my sister was around.

Last night we were all hanging out on the street watching fireworks.

Blue was with us.

She never gets upset by the fireworks.

Wrigley used to freak out.

But Blue doesn’t care.

Or didn’t care.

Last night, for the first time, she got stressed.

She tried to hide under the cars.

I sat down next to her, and she snuggled close, panting, and hiding her head.

It was time, I decided, to put her back in the house.

The Grown Son tried to take her, but she wouldn’t leave my side.

Ha – now he knows what it feels like to be ignored by the Best Dog Ever!

Blue was very happy to be back in the house and away from the chaos.

And for the rest of the evening, she ignored me in favor of the Grown Son.

But I’m not in the least bit upset by this.

I hope every dog I ever have ignores me in favor of the Grown Sons.

She keeps them coming back.

Good girl, Blue, good girl.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Dog Lifestyle

It Snowed, And Now We’re In A Winter Wonderland

It Snowed, and Now We're In A Winter Wonderland

It snowed, it snowed, it snowed!

Everyone is always so surprised when it snows here in North Texas.

But why should they be surprised?

It snows every year.

This was a gentle snowstorm with several inches of lovely white powder.

It’s a beautiful, powdery, winter wonderland.

Blue is in doggy heaven.

She has had the perpetual zoomies, running and jumping and romping in the snow.

With her curly hair, the snow clumps all over her body, and it won’t rub off with a towel.

I have to hair-dry her to melt the ice clumps off.

She does not appreciate the hair dryer.

But she does appreciate the iciclectomies.

I have enjoyed wearing boots and mittens and sweaters for the past couple of days.

But now the storm is over.

The weather will warm up over the weekend, and the snow will quickly melt away.

I’m fine with that.

I’ve had my fill of winter.

This Southern California girl can only take so much of the winter wonderland thing.

I’m ready for spring.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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Dog Lifestyle

Valuable Life Lessons From The Dog

Life Lessons From The Dog

Life lessons are everywhere, if only you can find them.

I never get sick.

Well, actually, I do get sick occasionally.

But there’s not much that a hot shower and a good night’s sleep can’t cure.

However, I’ve been hit with a cold this week.

A bad one.

It’s settled in my chest, and I’ve had a terrible cough.

I haven’t been this sick in years.

The cute thing about it (and yes, there IS a cute thing about it) is that Blue Dawg is very worried.

Every time I have a coughing fit, she rushes over and fusses around me until I stop.

She is showing me much more concern than my human family who state, every time that I cough, that I sound terrible.

They’re not wrong.

But they’re not helpful.

Although, now that I think about it, Blue might actually be saying the same thing.

In her own doggy way.

Maybe she’s not being helpful either.

But she’s cute, so there’s that.

My family could learn some valuable life lessons from the dog.

If you can’t be helpful, at least be cute.

Liz Brenner

Everyone has a story to tell.

Even you.

Especially you.

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