Category: Family

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Family Lifestyle

Strike Three! Now I Know My Luck Is Going To Change

Strike Three

Strike Three

Strike Three – You’re Out!

Strike one was my knee injury.

Strike two was Bob’s broken wrist.

Strike three is our busted AC unit.

They can’t install the new one for two weeks.

It’s a holiday weekend, so there will be a delay in ordering parts.

Seriously?

No air conditioning for two weeks?

In the heat of a North Texas summer?

Luckily Home Depot has some portable AC units in stock.

It’s not perfect, but it will do nicely.

I’ve had as much misfortune as I’m going to take.

We won’t be accepting any further applications.

All the open positions have been filled.

Go away, bad luck, I’m done.

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Family Lifestyle

Why Hot Weather Brings Out A Serious Chance Of Monsters

It's Hot

It's Hot

It’s Hot, and It’s Monster Weather

It’s hot.

A cold front is moving through North Texas.

But it’s all relative.

It’s just way less hot than it might be.

Our air conditioner died yesterday.

The service guy is coming this afternoon.

Last night was brutal.

At least for me.

Bob suggested that if I didn’t sleep with a blanket, I might have been more comfortable.

Seriously?

I can’t sleep without a blanket.

I would feel so exposed.

There might be monsters.

What kind of crazy person can sleep without a blanket?

I should just leave the house and let Bob wait by himself for the air conditioning guy.

I could pack up my laptop and spend the afternoon at the library.

Where it’s air conditioned.

And there are no monsters.

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Family

It’s Her Happy Heavenly Birthday Today – Miss You Mom!

Happy birthday mom

Happy birthday Mom

Happy Heavenly Birthday!

Today is my mom’s heavenly birthday.

It also happens to be National Awkward Moments Day.

She would not have appreciated that.

It’s a good thing we never knew this holiday existed.

Her birthday dinners might have been, well, awkward.

Luckily, it is also National Lacy Oatmeal Cookie Day.

That’s a holiday she would have liked.

I’m making chicken tetrazzini for dinner, which I do every year for her birthday.

Maybe I will make some lacy oatmeal cookies too.

She would like that.

Happy birthday, heavenly Mom.

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Family

An Oldie But Goodie

An Oldie But Goodie

An Oldie But Goodie

An Oldie But Goodie

This morning I came downstairs to discover that Bob had made coffee with a paper towel as a filter.

Apparently, we are out of coffee filters.

How can that be?

I just bought a package of filters.

I suspect that they disappeared into some sort of motorcycle repair project.

That’s where all our missing household supplies end up.

I wondered if the coffee might be poisoned by the toxic, non-food-grade paper towel.

Whatever.

I drank it anyway.

Beware the Ides of March.

If it’s not a stabbing, it’s a poisoning.

Et tu, Bob?

Categories
Family

I Have Only One Question

I have only one question

I have only one question

I have only one question. Why didn’t the dog bark?

I have only one question about this entire episode.

The other night, the Grown Son’s car broke down.

Bob and the other Grown Son set out on a rescue mission.

They had everything under control.

I went to bed.

I had developed, over the evening, a sore throat.

I took a dose of Nyquil and went to sleep, hoping to wake up well and refreshed.

But that’s not what happened.

I’m not sure what finally woke me up.

But my phone was ringing, and there were dozens and dozens and dozens of calls and texts.

The guys had been trying to reach me, but I was zonked out on cold medicine.

They didn’t know that.

They were freaked that I wasn’t answering the phone.

Bob called the neighbor to come and ring the doorbell.

I still didn’t wake up.

Bob gave the neighbor the keypad code to come in through the garage.

“Seriously?” I asked Bob, “He was in the house? That’s how people get shot!”

Which is exactly what the neighbor was thinking.

He was hollering at me from the garage door, and when he finally heard me on the phone, he got the heck out of the house.

Oops, sorry.

I didn’t mean to scare anyone.

Next time I take Nyquil I’ll post an alert.

I have only one question.

Why didn’t the dog bark at the intruder?

Categories
Family

The Kid Made An Excellent Point

An Excellent Point

An Excellent Point

Dots Are Terrible

Dots.

And squares.

There is no debate.

Dots are terrible.

Squares are delicious.

It all started with an angry, rambling rant when the Grown Son was about seven years old.

His tirade was a complete non sequitur, as most seven-year-old rants are.

I had to listen for a bit to understand just what the heck he was so angry about.

Meat.

He was talking about meat.

Specifically, ground meat.

Dot meat.

He made it clear that he does not like dots.

He does not like dots in his tacos.

He does not like dots in his spaghetti sauce.

He does not like dots in his chili.

Dots are terrible.

Squares are delicious.

I don’t usually give much credence to angry tirades.

But I had to admit that the kid made an excellent point.

Squares ARE delicious.

I made a pot of chili for dinner tonight.

I used cubed chuck.

There were no dots.

There were only squares.

It was tasty.

The kid was right all along.

Categories
Family

A Brilliant Opportunity For Revenge Was Dropped Right In My Lap!

A Brilliant Opportunity

A Brilliant Opportunity

A Brilliant Opportunity

Karma.

Sweet, sweet Karma.

She’s always got your back.

Eventually.

Years ago, Bob and I had a dispute with another party.

I won’t mention the details here.

That would be petty and childish.

At the time, all we could do was forget about it and move on.

I haven’t thought about this thing in years.

The other day, Karma dropped an opportunity right in my lap.

“Hey check this out!” I chortled, interrupting Bob at work.

Revenge is a perfectly good reason to interrupt.

Bob didn’t seem to agree.

“We could -” I started.

“No.”

“But it would be-”

“Fugedaboudit!”

“Why don’t we-”

“Let it go!” he stormed, but not in a cute Disney movie sort of way.

Seriously?

We have a brilliant opportunity for vengeance here.

Are we going to waste it with maturity and responsibility?

Apparently we are.

I may or may not have grumbled and stomped out of the room.

Now that some time has passed, I’m glad we took the high road.

Perhaps maturity and responsibility were the right choices all along.

OK, I’ll say it, he was right, and I was wrong.

But don’t tell him I said that.

He would gloat.

And that would be petty and childish.

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Family

I Had a Dream About My Mother That Left Me Feeling Bittersweet

Bittersweet

Bittersweet

A Bittersweet Dream About My Mother

I had a bittersweet dream about my mother.

I can clearly recall the cadence of our conversation.

I can clearly recall the rise and fall of our voices.

I can clearly recall the light in her eyes when she laughed.

It was a beautiful day.

The sun was shining.

That was a significant element of the dream.

“It’s a beautiful day, the sun is shining,” Mom would often say.

Our family was chock full of Drama Queens.

An angry outburst was always imminent.

Mom would say that line to try to diffuse the tension.

However, she said it so often that it became a joke.

One of the Drama Queens would always try to beat her to the punch line.

Always with a sarcastic, snarky tone of voice.

Immediately, the angry outburst that my mother was trying to stave off would detonate.

But I digress.

In my dream, it was a beautiful day, and the sun was shining.

We were having such a lovely conversation.

Suddenly Mom looked at me sadly and POOF, she was gone.

I woke up abruptly.

I’m sad that it was just a dream.

But I’m happy that I got to have that bittersweet memory.

I loved my mother’s laugh.

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Family

Cough Syrup, Regret, and Desperation.

Cough Syrup, Regret and Desperation

Cough Syrup, Regret and Desperation

Cough Syrup, Regret, and Desperation

The Grown Son was surprised that I had never tried Jagermeister.

He insisted on making me a drink.

Jagermeister and Red Bull.

He used sugar-free Red Bull.

Apparently it’s better that way.

Sorry, Kid, but that sugar-free stuff doesn’t help.

Not one bit.

The drink was terrible.

It tasted like cough syrup and regret.

With a strong hint of desperation.

Yeah, nah, I’ll pass.

I’m way past all that desperation nonsense.

I have reached that IDGAF stage of life.

Is there a drink for that?

Categories
Family

No More Slumber Parties

No More Slumber Parties

No More Slumber Parties

Long ago, I put a stop to my sons’ sleepovers.

I had to.

It’s because boys are dumb.

I’m sorry, but it’s true.

“Hey, watch this,” and “Dude, look what I can do,” proves my point.

It always ends badly.

Groups of boys are significantly dumber than solitary boys.

The dumbness grows exponentially in the wee hours of the night.

The collective dumbness of a group of boys late at night is significantly greater than the sum of their individual parts during daylight hours.

I know.

I have the emergency room bills to prove it.

No more slumber parties.