Grand Slam Communication
I read an article that said that tall women tend to have a longer life span.
Seriously?
That’s bad news for me.
In my mind I can hear the Grown Sons scoffing.
“It sucks to be you,” is what they might say.
Or, “That sounds like a you problem, not a me problem.”
Now I’m mad.
Their imaginary disrespect is insulting.
That’s it – I’m leaving everything I have to the dog.
And that may happen very soon, according to the article that I read.
Nothing says IDGAF like a grocery clerk with an attitude.
Who manhandles all of my items.
And processes the entire order one handed.
While rage sighing throughout the entire transaction.
I know he’s tired.
It’s been a long ordeal here in Texas.
But come on, seriously?
That was the weirdest week of my life.
Now I know how the Donner Party felt.
If it had gone on any longer, I might have turned into Jack Nicholson in The Shining.
At one point, three days in, with no power and no water and freaking frigid temperatures, the electricity finally came back on.
I was like a kid at Christmas!
I bustled about, tidying up, anticipating the house heating up.
I was especially waiting for the water heater.
Oh, how I wanted hot water.
And then….
And then the power went out again.
I could have wept for my lost shower opportunity.
I zipped my parka back up and plopped back under all of my blankets.
And waited.
And waited.
And waited.
And…finally…the power came back on!
This time I was more cautious.
It might not last.
After an hour, I thought that maybe the electricity was here to stay.
Should I take a shower?
By this time it was late at night.
If we lost power again, I would be stranded in the pitch dark.
In single-digit temperatures.
Should I risk it?
We’re still on boil-water orders.
What if the water isn’t clean?
Oh, but what the heck.
I’ve waited long enough.
I brought a flashlight just in case.
It was the most glorious shower I have ever had in my life.
If I had gotten violently ill from dirty water, it still would have been worth it.
But I didn’t get sick.
If I never see snow again, it will be too soon.
My neighbor just posted a notice that they are missing their dog bowels.
They had been on the front porch, but now they are gone.
Has anyone seen their dog bowels?
Oh goodness.
I do want to be neighborly, but I really don’t want anything to do with their dog bowels.
Sigh…
Spelling is important.
Proofread, people.
Please proofread.
Today, October 23, is National Slap Your Annoying Coworker Day.
I saw it online so it has to be true.
What a great concept!
Unfortunately, I work alone.
Big sigh.
I’m feeling the FOMO now.
The Grown Son has a new tradition.
Every weekend he sets up all the TVs in the living room.
So he can watch All The Games.
At once.
It’s a nice arrangement.
With a little Buffalo chicken dip and some guacamole, it’s like a sports bar.
But with pajamas.
The only problem is the extension cords that are set up across the doorway.
Me: You have to move these. I’m going to fall on my face.
Grown Son: *Eyes glued to the TV* So be more careful.
Me: *Tripping again* *That’s not gonna happen.*
I need a new approach.
Me: When I go down, I’m taking all these TVs with me.
Grown Son: *Immediately gets up and moves the extension cords to a safer location.*
Me: *Smug* *I won.*