Tag: humor

Categories
Work

Writing a Blog is Hard

Writing A Blog Is Hard

Writing A Blog Is Hard

Writing a blog is hard.

Well, the writing part isn’t hard.

It’s the blogging part that’s hard.

I am not a tech person.

There are a million things that I don’t understand.

So there I was, in the chat box with the IT guy,  asking yet another question.

We were chatting for a long, long, LONG time, when I realized that he had already answered my question.

At the very beginning of the chat.

If only I had followed his instructions…

I’m probably the reason he’s going to drink heavily tonight.

And be late for work tomorrow.

Sorry, IT guy.

I’d like to promise that it won’t happen again.

But it probably will.

Because writing a blog is hard.

Categories
Work

Another Awkward English Class

Another Awkward English Class

Another Awkward English Class

Today I had another awkward English class.

One student was an IT engineer.

He was the only male in attendance with several female students.

He convinced the ladies that their husbands were running around, and he could help them spy on their guys with their iPhones.

For a small fee.

One woman was very interested.

I tried to steer the conversation away from this very awkward topic.

But my students were determined.

They spoke to each other in Vietnamese.

I’m sure they were exchanging stalking information.

I do not want to know how this story ends.

I’m just here to teach English.

Categories
Diabetes Lifestyle

The Misfortunes of Others

The Misfortunes of Others

The Misfortunes of Others

It’s wrong to laugh at the misfortunes of others.

I know, I know, I KNOW!

Today I was at the pharmacy.

With two diabetic kids, I am always at the pharmacy.

I was making my purchase at the counter when an angry and belligerent young man rushed up.

He was yelling and pounding his fists and making a scene.

He was furious because the pharmacy was out of pregnancy tests.

The clerk and I looked at each other and started to laugh.

So we both looked away.

I’m sure that the pharmacy staff has been trained to never laugh at the customers.

I, on the other hand, have had no such training.

And now I really want to know why there has been a run on pregnancy tests.

If I get struck by lightening any time soon, it will be because I laughed at the misfortunes of others.

Poor guy.

Categories
Lifestyle

I Have Some Sage Advice

Sage Advice

Sage Advice

I am now in a position to offer sage advice.

I had a birthday this week.

I am older and wiser.

Here it is –

Don’t ever place a plastic dish on a pre-heated cast-iron griddle and then busy yourself with other things.

You will regret it.

The smell will scar your brain.

For life.

I’m not saying that I actually did this incredibly stupid thing.

I’m just offering some sage advice…

Categories
Lifestyle

Tornado Sirens

Tornado Sirens

Tornado Sirens

The tornado sirens were going off.

We had plenty of warning.

This storm was predicted.

Our shelter was prepared.

We had blankets and pillows.

A leash for the dog.

Extra cables and batteries for the phones.

An ax and a crowbar in case we need to claw our way out.

I even made a point to wear shoes and socks instead of flip flops.

In case of rubble.

But there was one thing that I hadn’t prepared for.

My socks were the kind that sagged under my feet with every step.

Sock bumps!

This is going to seriously impede any kind of rescue effort.

I don’t know which is worse – sock bumps or tornadoes.

At any rate, the storm passed over us without incident.

My first plan of action was to change my socks.

Now I’m ready for the next round of tornado sirens.

Categories
Lifestyle

A Frog Was In My Kitchen

A Frog

A Frog

A frog was in my kitchen.

Seriously?

We’ve had our share of pests in the house.

Ants, of course.

Spiders, flies, moths and mosquitoes.

An occasional cricket.

Once we even had a mouse.

But this morning I had a first.

I was so shocked that I had to rub my eyes to make sure I wasn’t seeing  things.

It was a frog.

A FROG!!!

A frog was in my kitchen.

It was huge and brown and ugly.

Maybe it was a toad.

I didn’t know whether to laugh or to scream.

Or to kiss it.

It was as big as my fist, so squishing it wasn’t even an option.

And catching it seemed a little creepy.

OK, a LOT creepy.

Luckily, it was a smart frog.

I opened the back door, and it seemed to sense its opportunity.

It headed right toward the fresh air and hopped outside.

That’s one Texas-sized crisis that was averted.

Categories
Family Lifestyle

An Amazing Rest Stop

Amazing

Amazing

The other day, we finally visited the Buc-ee’s rest stop.

We’ve been in Texas a year, and we had yet to visit this place.

The word is it’s an amazing rest stop.

We happily discovered that it IS an amazing place.

The gifts!

The candy!

The beef jerky!

We had just eaten, and Bob was disappointed.

He would have liked to have eaten dinner here.

I promised I would bring him back for Father’s Day.

And then I immediately regretted that offer.

My birthday falls on Father’s Day.

I don’t want to have my birthday dinner at a rest stop.

Apparently I have already made the commitment…

Categories
Work

I Love Stupid Humor

Stupid Humor

Stupid Humor

I love stupid humor.

My student used the term “expression face” when she meant to use “facial expression.”

I immediately thought of the Boaty McBoatface PR fiasco.

I considered discussing this with her.

But I decided against it.

How do you explain that sometimes stupid is stupid.

And sometimes stupid is funny.

It’s purely subjective.

I think that the Boaty McBoatface story was hilarious.

But I’ll bet there were folks at the Natural Environment Research Council who were not so amused.

Or maybe they were.

Who knows?

There are no rules when it comes to stupid humor.

And if there are no rules, there is no logical way to explain it.

I skipped the whole Boaty McBoatface thing and just continued the lesson.

Categories
Lifestyle

You’ve Got to Love Karma

Karma

Karma

Oh, you’ve got to love Karma.

I was driving down a residential street in my neighborhood.

It was a lovely spring morning.

People were outdoors playing ball, doing yard work and washing their cars.

Families with strollers and dogs were out and about.

Bicycles and joggers were out in droves.

So, of course, I drove very slowly and carefully.

Apparently I was driving too slowly and carefully.

A young lady, driving fast, screeched behind me, yanked around my car quickly and roared past in a fury.

Everyone yelled at her.

One guy chased after her.

Several people took a picture of her license plate.

I continued on slowly past the now-outraged crowd.

When I drove out of the neighborhood and turned onto the main street, the traffic was backed up for a passing train.

I pulled up right behind my speed-demon nemesis.

I honked and waved.

She flipped me the bird.

Whatever.

You’ve got to love Karma.

Categories
Work

A Bad Idea for a Lesson Plan

A Bad Idea

A Bad Idea

It was a bad idea for a lesson plan.

Today’s idioms were “Don’t quit your day job,” and “When pigs fly.”

Really?

Not only did I have to teach what these expressions mean, I had to warn my students not to say these things because they are insults.

In other words, it was a wasted class session.

These expressions are very nuanced.

Nuance is an advanced concept.

Today’s students were beginners.

I sure hope they don’t come back to class tomorrow with a black eye.

Sarcasm is a bad idea for a lesson plan.