Tag: quarantine

Categories
Family

How to Mow The Lawn

How to Mow the Lawn

How to Mow the Lawn

In the interest of not being pathetic and dependent, I asked Bob to show me how to mow the lawn.

Last week he showed me, and this week I did it myself.

I know that my rows were not up to the razor-straight standards that he demands.

Some of the rows were downright wobbly.

All I could think of was that scene in True Detective where Woody Harrelson gets up in Matthew McConaughey’s face and snarls at him threateningly, “You don’t mow another man’s lawn.”

I’m a little concerned.

If I’m lucky, Bob will say, “Nice job,” with false sincerity.

And then he’ll never let me near the lawn mower again because he can’t trust me to do it right.

I can only hope

Categories
Lifestyle

Fresh Marinara Sauce

Fresh Marinara Sauce

Fresh Marinara Sauce

During the quarantine, I have been making fresh marinara sauce.

Now I can never go back to the purchased stuff.

I can’t even go back to canned tomatoes.

It’s gotta be fresh.

I’m ruined.

Categories
Lifestyle

Stupid Ant

Stupid Ant

Stupid Ant

I got bit again.

This time it was not a murder hornet.

I know because I saw it.

It was an ant.

I don’t know if it was a fire ant.

It wasn’t red.

But it was huge.

And it was squished by the time I got done with it.

It bit me right under the flip-flop strap.

And now I’ve got a painful welt and I can’t wear flip-flops.

A tragedy!

Until I found a different pair of flip-flops in my closet with a different strap angle.

Whew!

I can still wear flip-flops.

Stupid ant.

Categories
Work

Chicken and Candy For Dinner

Chicken and Candy

Chicken and Candy

My beginning English student told me that he had eaten chicken and candy for dinner.

I hesitated a moment before I clarified that.

Who am I to judge?

Maybe he DID eat chicken and candy for dinner.

It sounds like great comfort food.

A few shots of whiskey would make an excellent dessert pairing.

I was very disappointed to find out, on questioning him, that he had actually eaten chicken and vegetables for dinner.

I am now rethinking my own dinner plans for tonight.

Categories
Family

Karen

Karen

Karen

I told the Grown Son that I don’t like his use of the term “Karen.”

It’s insulting.

Our next-door neighbor is Karen.

And she’s lovely.

The Grown Son confirmed that next-door Karen is not a Karen.

And neither am I.

He assured me, however, that I am still annoying, even if I’m not a Karen.

By the time he got through his long-winded, backhanded compliment, I had stopped listening.

I had also stopped caring.

Does that make me a Karen?

Whatever.

Categories
Toastmasters

At a Recent Toastmasters Meeting

At A Recent Meeting

At A Recent Meeting

At a recent Toastmasters meeting, an interesting discussion broke out about a certain location.

I had never heard of the place.

But apparently everyone else had.

The conversation turned in a hilarious but slightly inappropriate direction.

Well, I couldn’t just let that pass me by.

I had to Google it.

And, oh my, it certainly is inappropriate.

But in an entirely different way than the conversation would have led me to believe.

Some of our Toastmasters members have some explaining to do!

Categories
Dog

My Dog Groomer is Back in Business

Back in Business

Back in Business

Yay – my dog groomer is back in business.

But it’s not business as usual.

It was curbside drop-off and pick-up only.

People weren’t allowed inside the facility.

I had to wait in the car, and they escorted the dog in and out.

It felt like the elementary school drop-off zone.

But without the bickering, the forgotten library books and the random lost shoe.

Categories
Lifestyle

It Was a Murder Hornet

Murder Hornet

Murder Hornet

I got a bug bite on my ankle the other day.

I didn’t see what bit me.

But holy smokes, it HURT.

And it keeps getting worse.

It has turned into an itchy and painful rock-hard welt.

I think it was a murder hornet.

I’m certain it was a murder hornet.

And that’s the story I’m sticking with.

Categories
Lifestyle

A Huge Tree

A Huge Tree

A Huge Tree

I’ve got this huge tree in the front yard.

It’s out of control.

I called a tree guy in to give an estimate for service.

From a safe six feet away, the tree guy said it’s a Live Oak tree.

I kind of freaked out.

I can’t just have our oak tree trimmed in the front yard in full public view.

I need permits.

I need permission.

I will probably be refused the permit, and the tree will wreck the roof.

Eventually it will wreck the driveway, the sidewalk, the foundation and the plumbing.

And then I remembered that I don’t live in Thousand Oaks anymore.

I don’t need a permit to trim my overgrown oak tree.

Whew!

Categories
Lifestyle

Gluten Free?

Gluten Free?

Gluten Free?

What happened to the whole gluten-free thing?

What in the world are people doing with all of the yeast?

The yeast is all sold out in all of the stores.

I have called around to Albertsons, Aldi, Target, Walmart and two different Krogers.

I finally found some today at Winco.

But it’s not packaged in the usual envelopes.

It comes in a one-pound sack.

And it’s labeled instant yeast.

Is that the same as rapid-rise yeast?

I’m having an I Love Lucy flashback to the episode where she tried to bake bread.

I need to do a Google search on how to use this kind of yeast so I don’t have a Lucy episode of my own.