I had a birthday this week.
I am older and wiser.
I am now in a position to offer sage advice.
Here it is –
Don’t ever place a plastic dish
on a pre-heated cast-iron griddle
and then busy yourself with other things.
You will regret it.
The smell will scar your brain.
For life.
I’m not saying that I actually did this incredibly stupid thing.
I’m just offering some sage words of wisdom…
The tornado sirens were going off.
We had plenty of warning.
This storm was predicted.
Our shelter was prepared.
We had blankets and pillows.
A leash for the dog.
Extra cables and batteries for the phones.
An ax and a crowbar in case we need to claw our way out.
I even made a point to wear shoes and socks instead of flip flops.
In case of rubble.
But there was one thing that I hadn’t prepared for.
My socks were the kind that sagged under my feet with every step.
Sock bumps!
This is going to seriously impede any kind of rescue effort.
I don’t know which is worse – sock bumps or tornadoes.
At any rate, the storm passed over us without incident.
My first plan of action was to change my socks.
Now I’m ready for the next round of storms.
We were ready to grill our Memorial Day steaks.
But our plans were brought to a screeching halt.
There was a wasp nest in the grill.
Plan B.
We pan-fried our steaks indoors.
Stupid wasps.
Any man’s death diminishes me, for I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.
– John Donne
Philip Roth died one year ago today, May 22, 2018.
I did not know that.
Thank goodness for the internet.
I might have gone my whole life without knowing that bit of trivia.
My parents LOVED Portnoy’s Complaint.
I had never read it, but finally, after finding this book on a “must read” list, I dove in.
I hated it.
Philip Roth, through Alex Portnoy, inspired an entire generation of men to follow his overbearing, self-absorbed and whiny example.
Ick.
I will not be reading any more Roth.
So many ESL teachers complain that their students continue to make the same mistakes over and over.
They mock their students in the teacher chat rooms.
Is it the student’s fault?
NO!
If errors are being made, it’s the teacher’s responsibility to teach the concept.
One very common mistake is to mix up the hard /g/ and the soft /g/ in words like colleague and college.
Teachers, don’t get annoyed.
Impatience doesn’t teach your students anything.
Explain the rule about how to pronounce /g/.
Expect mistakes.
It’s hard to learn a new language.
With practice, they’ll get it right.
If you want your students to succeed, give them the tools to succeed.
Impatience is not an effective teaching tool.
We’ve had our share of pests in the house.
Ants, of course.
Spiders, flies, moths and mosquitoes.
An occasional cricket.
Once we even had a mouse.
But this morning I had a first.
I was so shocked that I had to rub my eyes to make sure I wasn’t seeing things.
It was a frog.
A FROG!!!
A frog was in my kitchen.
It was huge and brown and ugly.
Maybe it was a toad.
I didn’t know whether to laugh or to scream.
Or to kiss it.
It was as big as my fist, so squishing it wasn’t even an option.
And catching it seemed a little creepy.
OK, a LOT creepy.
Luckily, it was a smart frog.
I opened the back door, and it seemed to sense its opportunity.
It headed right toward the fresh air and hopped outside.
That’s one Texas-sized crisis that was averted.
