Tag: storyteller

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Lifestyle

This California Girl Is Prepared For Anything

Prepared For Anything

Prepared for anything

Prepared For Anything

You can take the girl out of California.

But you can’t take the California out of the girl.

We’re in the middle of Snowmageddon 2023 here in North Texas.

The snow isn’t actually that bad.

It’s the ice that’s the problem.

I can’t get to the grocery store.

I thought this storm was going to be a one-day event.

It’s turning into a week-long thing.

We’re running out of food.

But not really.

Because this California girl is prepared for anything.

I’ve always got earthquake supplies.

We ran out of fresh milk.

But I’ve got plenty of the powered stuff.

Don’t get me wrong – powered milk is disgusting to drink.

But it’s fine for cooking.

I used powered milk to make chicken and dumplings.

And pancakes.

We might run out of sandwich things before this is over.

But I’ve got plenty of burrito fixings stashed away.

No one goes hungry around here.

When this is over, I’ll have to restock my earthquake supplies.

If we have a disaster before then, I’m not worried.

I have a second tier of disaster supplies.

This California girl is prepared for anything.

Except maybe a tornado.

I’ll never be ready for that.

HOW TO CREATE YOUR OWN FABULOUS STORIES TO TELL!

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Categories
Lifestyle

Maybe Next Year, But This Year It’s Too Risky.

Maybe Next Year

Maybe Next Year

Maybe Next Year

Snow! It’s snowing!

We get snow every winter, but usually it’s just a dusting.

The problem this year is that it’s more rain than snow, and it’s all turning to ice.

I put on my winter gear and set off outside to check out the winter wonderland.

And then I turned and went right back inside.

My postop knee is about 70% recovered, but that 30% of wobble was terrified of the ice.

Ice is everywhere, even in places that usually stay dry.

The last thing I need is a slip-and-fall accident.

Yeah, nah, I’ll pass.

I’m not gonna do it.

I’ll enjoy the winter wonderland from indoors.

Sorry, winter boots, we’re sitting this one out.

Maybe next year we’ll walk in the snow.

LEARN TO TELL GREAT STORIES!

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Lifestyle

Shocked, I Now Have To Consider WWED

shocked

Shocked

What Would Elaine Do?

Shocked, a woman at the grocery store gasped at the price of eggs.

Seriously?

Has she been living under a rock?

The rest of us have been shocked for months.

Eggs used to be a cheap go-to meal.

These days, however, the cost of a carton is outrageous.

I’ve taken to channeling my inner Seinfeld when I’m cooking.

“Is this eggworthy?” I often ask myself, wondering WWED.

What Would Elaine Do?

I’ll have to rewatch that episode and consult her checklist.

Those eggs are going to have to convince me they’re eggworthy.

READ ABOUT SOME GREAT STORYTELLING TECHNIQUES!

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Categories
Lifestyle

Three Good Reasons Why My Knee Doctor is Making Me Cranky

Three Good REasons

Three Good Reasons

Yeah, I’m Cranky.

I’m down to only one working knee.

I saw the orthopedist.

And I have a few objections.

My first complaint is that there was an awful lot of walking in this office.

I had to walk down a very long hallway to the x-ray room.

Then I had another long walk to get to the examination room.

After that, I had to walk all the way across the building to schedule an MRI.

Finally, I had to walk back across the entire suite to check out.

At the Urgent Care, back on that first day, they saw me hobbling in the parking lot.

They hustled out with a folding chair and told me to sit down and wait because someone else was coming with a wheelchair.

Now that’s good service.

You’d think an orthopedic office would have wheelchairs.

My second complaint is that examination table was real artsy-fartsy.

Which means it wasn’t practical at all.

Most examination tables can raise and lower, and many have pull-out steps.

This one did not.

It was huge, and I couldn’t even try to climb up on it with only one working leg.

The doctor was fine with examining my knee from the chair that I was in.

The technician who came in to fit me for the brace wanted me on the table.

Ha, ha, no way, that’s not going to happen.

The tech wasn’t happy.

But seriously?

Shouldn’t an orthopedic office be prepared for orthopedic injuries?

My final complaint is their phone service.

I received three different calls before my appointment.

None of them identified the medical group.

One of them said, “No caller ID,” and the others simply listed a number.

I never answer calls like that.

It’s probably a scammer.

A lot of time was wasted playing phone tag.

OK, that’s enough cranky ranting.

I liked the doctor.

The brace is amazing, and I can walk with it, and I’m feeling a lot better.

My MRI is scheduled.

I hope I don’t need surgery.

I would prefer to skip that and go straight to physical therapy.

I get a say in this, don’t I?

That’s how it works, right?

Right?

Categories
Lifestyle

These Stupid Crutches Are Going To Be The Death Of Me!

These Stupid Crutches

These Stupid Crutches

These Stupid Crutches!

These stupid crutches have changed my entire routine.

Everything is now an enormous pain in the butt.

I’ve started holing up in my home office with some snacks so that I don’t have to leave the room all day.

There’s a bathroom next door, so my need to lurch around the house on crutches is limited.

Today, however, I was home alone.

And I kept hearing weird noises.

The dog was going in and out of the doggy door.

Again and again and again.

What the heck was she up to?

I couldn’t stand the suspense any longer.

I crutched my way to the other end of the house.

Blue was nowhere in sight.

There were no signs of doggy destruction.

I called to her, but she didn’t come.

She was probably destroying something around the side of the house.

There was nothing I could do.

I peg-legged myself back to my office.

Again, I heard the doggy door flapping.

“Oh for **** sake!” I muttered and hobbled back to the other end of the house.

Again, Blue was nowhere to be found.

Unwilling to make the perilous journey all the way across the house yet again, I plopped myself into a chair to wait for her to make that noise again.

And then I heard it.

Oh no!

It wasn’t the doggy door after all.

I had accidentally shut her in the bedroom.

Blue had been scratching on the door.

She was so excited when I freed her that I had to hold onto the door frame for dear life.

Poor girl.

Poor me.

She was about to knock me right off my only good leg.

I had to stomp my crutches to get her to calm down.

She doesn’t like those things.

To be fair, neither do I.

I hop-stepped over to the couch to cuddle an apology to her.

But she was still very excited, and I was afraid that she was going to jump on my bad knee.

I had to stomp the crutches again.

But all’s well that ends well.

She spent the rest of the day napping on the rug in my office.

Blue and I will both be glad to be done with these stupid crutches.

Categories
Lifestyle

I Am a Tidy Freak. I’m Freaking Out About Tidiness Right Now.

A Tidy Freak

A Tidy Freak

I’m a Tidy Freak.

I am a tidy freak, I have realized, since I have been confined to crutches.

Not a neat freak.

A tidy freak.

Back in the day, before I had kids, I was a downright slob.

I quickly learned to rein that in.

I’ve taken to constantly tidying up.

It’s because I’m basically lazy.

It is a far easier thing to keep the house tidy than to actually clean it.

I’m sitting here with my flat-tire knee elevated, noticing all the dust and clutter that has started to accumulate.

My brain is about to explode.

My knee has already exploded.

My hands aren’t doing so well either.

I have carpal tunnel, and the crutches are killing my wrists.

I will be very, very, very glad when this is all over.

But enough whining.

I need to plan my get-well party.

The first thing I’ll do is to tidy my house.

And then – celebrate!

Categories
Lifestyle

How To Turn a Disaster Into A Magnificent Story

A Magnificent Story

A Magnificent STory

I Wrecked My Knee, and I’m In Need Of A Magnificent Story

A magnificent story is necessary at a time like this.

I wrecked my knee.

Badly.

On my vacation.

I’m trying out all kinds of stories to see which one resonates.

The one that gets the best reaction is this:

Bob gave me a brake check.

I was on the back of his motorcycle.

He was going really, really, really fast.

Suddenly, he hit the brakes.

I flew off the back of the bike.

And destroyed my knee.

“Really?” people gasp, shocked that Bob would do such a thing.

“No,” I respond, “none of it is true.”

The brake-check story is far more entertaining than the truth.

The truth is just a standard, boring, slip and fall injury.

I’ve always felt that any major injury deserves a magnificent story.

My left knee deserves that great story.

Even if it does throw poor Bob under the bus.

Or the motorcycle.

Whatever.

The bottom line is that I wrecked my knee.

And I’m in need of a magnificent story.

Categories
Family

It’s Her Happy Heavenly Birthday Today – Miss You Mom!

Happy birthday mom

Happy birthday Mom

Happy Heavenly Birthday!

Today is my mom’s heavenly birthday.

It also happens to be National Awkward Moments Day.

She would not have appreciated that.

It’s a good thing we never knew this holiday existed.

Her birthday dinners might have been, well, awkward.

Luckily, it is also National Lacy Oatmeal Cookie Day.

That’s a holiday she would have liked.

I’m making chicken tetrazzini for dinner, which I do every year for her birthday.

Maybe I will make some lacy oatmeal cookies too.

She would like that.

Happy birthday, heavenly Mom.

Categories
Family

I Have Only One Question

I have only one question

I have only one question

I have only one question. Why didn’t the dog bark?

I have only one question about this entire episode.

The other night, the Grown Son’s car broke down.

Bob and the other Grown Son set out on a rescue mission.

They had everything under control.

I went to bed.

I had developed, over the evening, a sore throat.

I took a dose of Nyquil and went to sleep, hoping to wake up well and refreshed.

But that’s not what happened.

I’m not sure what finally woke me up.

But my phone was ringing, and there were dozens and dozens and dozens of calls and texts.

The guys had been trying to reach me, but I was zonked out on cold medicine.

They didn’t know that.

They were freaked that I wasn’t answering the phone.

Bob called the neighbor to come and ring the doorbell.

I still didn’t wake up.

Bob gave the neighbor the keypad code to come in through the garage.

“Seriously?” I asked Bob, “He was in the house? That’s how people get shot!”

Which is exactly what the neighbor was thinking.

He was hollering at me from the garage door, and when he finally heard me on the phone, he got the heck out of the house.

Oops, sorry.

I didn’t mean to scare anyone.

Next time I take Nyquil I’ll post an alert.

I have only one question.

Why didn’t the dog bark at the intruder?

Categories
Dog

It Makes No Sense But She’s The Best Dog Ever

The Best Dog Ever

The Best Dog Ever

It Makes No Sense, But She’s The Best Dog Ever

Blue has been with us for several months now.

She’s such a good girl.

We have decided that she is the Best Dog Ever.

It makes no sense.

Wrigley was the Best Dog Ever.

No dog could ever take Wrigley’s place.

How can Blue be the Best Dog Ever if Wrigley is already the Best Dog Ever?

It must be Dog Logic.

That’s the only possible explanation.

It makes perfect sense to me.