Tag: lifestyle

Categories
Family

I Have Only One Question

I have only one question

I have only one question

I have only one question. Why didn’t the dog bark?

I have only one question about this entire episode.

The other night, the Grown Son’s car broke down.

Bob and the other Grown Son set out on a rescue mission.

They had everything under control.

I went to bed.

I had developed, over the evening, a sore throat.

I took a dose of Nyquil and went to sleep, hoping to wake up well and refreshed.

But that’s not what happened.

I’m not sure what finally woke me up.

But my phone was ringing, and there were dozens and dozens and dozens of calls and texts.

The guys had been trying to reach me, but I was zonked out on cold medicine.

They didn’t know that.

They were freaked that I wasn’t answering the phone.

Bob called the neighbor to come and ring the doorbell.

I still didn’t wake up.

Bob gave the neighbor the keypad code to come in through the garage.

“Seriously?” I asked Bob, “He was in the house? That’s how people get shot!”

Which is exactly what the neighbor was thinking.

He was hollering at me from the garage door, and when he finally heard me on the phone, he got the heck out of the house.

Oops, sorry.

I didn’t mean to scare anyone.

Next time I take Nyquil I’ll post an alert.

I have only one question.

Why didn’t the dog bark at the intruder?

Categories
Dog

It Makes No Sense But She’s The Best Dog Ever

The Best Dog Ever

The Best Dog Ever

It Makes No Sense, But She’s The Best Dog Ever

Blue has been with us for several months now.

She’s such a good girl.

We have decided that she is the Best Dog Ever.

It makes no sense.

Wrigley was the Best Dog Ever.

No dog could ever take Wrigley’s place.

How can Blue be the Best Dog Ever if Wrigley is already the Best Dog Ever?

It must be Dog Logic.

That’s the only possible explanation.

It makes perfect sense to me.

Categories
Dog

It’s National Dog Biscuit Day! Who Wants to Celebrate?

National Dog Biscuit Day

National Dog Biscuit Day

Is This Really a Worthy Celebration?

It’s National Dog Biscuit Day.

Who thinks of these things?

I mean, I’m glad that there are dog biscuits.

Blue certainly likes them.

In Wrigley’s last days, when she wasn’t eating much, she still loved her treats.

But a national day of celebration?

Is that going too far?

Do we even know if they are good?

I do recall that my brother, when he was 5 or 6, ate a dog biscuit.

Or maybe it was dog food.

I could ask him if he thinks this holiday is worthy.

He’ll probably deny that he ever ate such a disgusting thing.

But I remember.

At any rate, Blue has started obedience training, and the treats are sure coming in handy.

I guess that’s as good a reason as any to celebrate.

Happy National Dog Biscuit Day!

Categories
Family

The Kid Made An Excellent Point

An Excellent Point

An Excellent Point

Dots Are Terrible

Dots.

And squares.

There is no debate.

Dots are terrible.

Squares are delicious.

It all started with an angry, rambling rant when the Grown Son was about seven years old.

His tirade was a complete non sequitur, as most seven-year-old rants are.

I had to listen for a bit to understand just what the heck he was so angry about.

Meat.

He was talking about meat.

Specifically, ground meat.

Dot meat.

He made it clear that he does not like dots.

He does not like dots in his tacos.

He does not like dots in his spaghetti sauce.

He does not like dots in his chili.

Dots are terrible.

Squares are delicious.

I don’t usually give much credence to angry tirades.

But I had to admit that the kid made an excellent point.

Squares ARE delicious.

I made a pot of chili for dinner tonight.

I used cubed chuck.

There were no dots.

There were only squares.

It was tasty.

The kid was right all along.

Categories
Family

A Brilliant Opportunity For Revenge Was Dropped Right In My Lap!

A Brilliant Opportunity

A Brilliant Opportunity

A Brilliant Opportunity

Karma.

Sweet, sweet Karma.

She’s always got your back.

Eventually.

Years ago, Bob and I had a dispute with another party.

I won’t mention the details here.

That would be petty and childish.

At the time, all we could do was forget about it and move on.

I haven’t thought about this thing in years.

The other day, Karma dropped an opportunity right in my lap.

“Hey check this out!” I chortled, interrupting Bob at work.

Revenge is a perfectly good reason to interrupt.

Bob didn’t seem to agree.

“We could -” I started.

“No.”

“But it would be-”

“Fugedaboudit!”

“Why don’t we-”

“Let it go!” he stormed, but not in a cute Disney movie sort of way.

Seriously?

We have a brilliant opportunity for vengeance here.

Are we going to waste it with maturity and responsibility?

Apparently we are.

I may or may not have grumbled and stomped out of the room.

Now that some time has passed, I’m glad we took the high road.

Perhaps maturity and responsibility were the right choices all along.

OK, I’ll say it, he was right, and I was wrong.

But don’t tell him I said that.

He would gloat.

And that would be petty and childish.

Categories
Family

I Had a Dream About My Mother That Left Me Feeling Bittersweet

Bittersweet

Bittersweet

A Bittersweet Dream About My Mother

I had a bittersweet dream about my mother.

I can clearly recall the cadence of our conversation.

I can clearly recall the rise and fall of our voices.

I can clearly recall the light in her eyes when she laughed.

It was a beautiful day.

The sun was shining.

That was a significant element of the dream.

“It’s a beautiful day, the sun is shining,” Mom would often say.

Our family was chock full of Drama Queens.

An angry outburst was always imminent.

Mom would say that line to try to diffuse the tension.

However, she said it so often that it became a joke.

One of the Drama Queens would always try to beat her to the punch line.

Always with a sarcastic, snarky tone of voice.

Immediately, the angry outburst that my mother was trying to stave off would detonate.

But I digress.

In my dream, it was a beautiful day, and the sun was shining.

We were having such a lovely conversation.

Suddenly Mom looked at me sadly and POOF, she was gone.

I woke up abruptly.

I’m sad that it was just a dream.

But I’m happy that I got to have that bittersweet memory.

I loved my mother’s laugh.

Categories
Dog Lifestyle

Utilities! It’s the Ultimate Reason I Hate Snow a Whole Lot Less This Year.

I Hate The Snow

I Hate The Snow

I Hate The Snow a Whole Lot Less This Year

I hate the snow a whole lot less, I have discovered, when I have working utilities.

I didn’t mind so much chatting outdoors with the neighbors in the bone-chilling cold while my feet were getting wet because I knew I would return to my well-heated home, turn on the lights, find dry socks, throw the wet socks in the dryer, and warm myself with a hot cup of coffee.

This is in stark contrast to last year when we had a statewide power outage during a record-setting arctic-chill snowstorm.

That was awful.

We had no lights, no heat, and no water.

Today it has warmed up, and the snow has mostly melted.

Except in the shady corners of the property.

Blue has found every single shady corner.

That dog is determined to wring every last little bit of fun that she can out of the snow.

Now it’s mostly mud.

And it’s all over my floors.

I keep mopping, and she keeps tracking it in.

I have begged the family to keep the doggie door closed.

That way we can clean her up before she comes into the house.

They keep opening up the doggy door.

“It’s a beautiful day,” they say, as if that somehow justifies the mud.

Yes, it’s a beautiful day.

I would prefer to keep the beautiful day outside.

Sigh.

Categories
Lifestyle

Here’s The Best Way to Prepare For That Dreaded Winter Storm

Prepare

Prepare

Here’s The Best Way to Prepare For That Dreaded Winter Storm

A year ago, on Groundhog Day, winter was predicted for six more weeks.

I didn’t mind because we were having a lovely, mild winter.

And then the storm hit.

We had snow and ice and single-digit temperatures.

And no power or water for many days.

It was awful.

I swore off snow.

I never wanted to see it again.

This year, again, the groundhog predicted six more weeks of winter.

And right on schedule, it’s snowing.

This time, however, it’s only a dusting of snow.

It’s supposed to stop before noon.

But the freezing temperatures are going to last for a couple more days.

Luckily, we still have power and water.

As long as we have utilities, I’m not going to complain.

But I’m prepared.

Prepared to complain.

If you hear some very loud curse words from somewhere in the middle of the country, that means the power’s gone out.

And I’m mad.

Categories
Family

Cough Syrup, Regret, and Desperation.

Cough Syrup, Regret and Desperation

Cough Syrup, Regret and Desperation

Cough Syrup, Regret, and Desperation

The Grown Son was surprised that I had never tried Jagermeister.

He insisted on making me a drink.

Jagermeister and Red Bull.

He used sugar-free Red Bull.

Apparently it’s better that way.

Sorry, Kid, but that sugar-free stuff doesn’t help.

Not one bit.

The drink was terrible.

It tasted like cough syrup and regret.

With a strong hint of desperation.

Yeah, nah, I’ll pass.

I’m way past all that desperation nonsense.

I have reached that IDGAF stage of life.

Is there a drink for that?

Categories
Family

No More Slumber Parties

No More Slumber Parties

No More Slumber Parties

Long ago, I put a stop to my sons’ sleepovers.

I had to.

It’s because boys are dumb.

I’m sorry, but it’s true.

“Hey, watch this,” and “Dude, look what I can do,” proves my point.

It always ends badly.

Groups of boys are significantly dumber than solitary boys.

The dumbness grows exponentially in the wee hours of the night.

The collective dumbness of a group of boys late at night is significantly greater than the sum of their individual parts during daylight hours.

I know.

I have the emergency room bills to prove it.

No more slumber parties.