Tag: blogger

Categories
Family

A Brilliant Opportunity For Revenge Was Dropped Right In My Lap!

A Brilliant Opportunity

A Brilliant Opportunity

A Brilliant Opportunity

Karma.

Sweet, sweet Karma.

She’s always got your back.

Eventually.

Years ago, Bob and I had a dispute with another party.

I won’t mention the details here.

That would be petty and childish.

At the time, all we could do was forget about it and move on.

I haven’t thought about this thing in years.

The other day, Karma dropped an opportunity right in my lap.

“Hey check this out!” I chortled, interrupting Bob at work.

Revenge is a perfectly good reason to interrupt.

Bob didn’t seem to agree.

“We could -” I started.

“No.”

“But it would be-”

“Fugedaboudit!”

“Why don’t we-”

“Let it go!” he stormed, but not in a cute Disney movie sort of way.

Seriously?

We have a brilliant opportunity for vengeance here.

Are we going to waste it with maturity and responsibility?

Apparently we are.

I may or may not have grumbled and stomped out of the room.

Now that some time has passed, I’m glad we took the high road.

Perhaps maturity and responsibility were the right choices all along.

OK, I’ll say it, he was right, and I was wrong.

But don’t tell him I said that.

He would gloat.

And that would be petty and childish.

Categories
Family

I Had a Dream About My Mother That Left Me Feeling Bittersweet

Bittersweet

Bittersweet

A Bittersweet Dream About My Mother

I had a bittersweet dream about my mother.

I can clearly recall the cadence of our conversation.

I can clearly recall the rise and fall of our voices.

I can clearly recall the light in her eyes when she laughed.

It was a beautiful day.

The sun was shining.

That was a significant element of the dream.

“It’s a beautiful day, the sun is shining,” Mom would often say.

Our family was chock full of Drama Queens.

An angry outburst was always imminent.

Mom would say that line to try to diffuse the tension.

However, she said it so often that it became a joke.

One of the Drama Queens would always try to beat her to the punch line.

Always with a sarcastic, snarky tone of voice.

Immediately, the angry outburst that my mother was trying to stave off would detonate.

But I digress.

In my dream, it was a beautiful day, and the sun was shining.

We were having such a lovely conversation.

Suddenly Mom looked at me sadly and POOF, she was gone.

I woke up abruptly.

I’m sad that it was just a dream.

But I’m happy that I got to have that bittersweet memory.

I loved my mother’s laugh.

Categories
Dog Lifestyle

Utilities! It’s the Ultimate Reason I Hate Snow a Whole Lot Less This Year.

I Hate The Snow

I Hate The Snow

I Hate The Snow a Whole Lot Less This Year

I hate the snow a whole lot less, I have discovered, when I have working utilities.

I didn’t mind so much chatting outdoors with the neighbors in the bone-chilling cold while my feet were getting wet because I knew I would return to my well-heated home, turn on the lights, find dry socks, throw the wet socks in the dryer, and warm myself with a hot cup of coffee.

This is in stark contrast to last year when we had a statewide power outage during a record-setting arctic-chill snowstorm.

That was awful.

We had no lights, no heat, and no water.

Today it has warmed up, and the snow has mostly melted.

Except in the shady corners of the property.

Blue has found every single shady corner.

That dog is determined to wring every last little bit of fun that she can out of the snow.

Now it’s mostly mud.

And it’s all over my floors.

I keep mopping, and she keeps tracking it in.

I have begged the family to keep the doggie door closed.

That way we can clean her up before she comes into the house.

They keep opening up the doggy door.

“It’s a beautiful day,” they say, as if that somehow justifies the mud.

Yes, it’s a beautiful day.

I would prefer to keep the beautiful day outside.

Sigh.

Categories
Lifestyle

Here’s The Best Way to Prepare For That Dreaded Winter Storm

Prepare

Prepare

Here’s The Best Way to Prepare For That Dreaded Winter Storm

A year ago, on Groundhog Day, winter was predicted for six more weeks.

I didn’t mind because we were having a lovely, mild winter.

And then the storm hit.

We had snow and ice and single-digit temperatures.

And no power or water for many days.

It was awful.

I swore off snow.

I never wanted to see it again.

This year, again, the groundhog predicted six more weeks of winter.

And right on schedule, it’s snowing.

This time, however, it’s only a dusting of snow.

It’s supposed to stop before noon.

But the freezing temperatures are going to last for a couple more days.

Luckily, we still have power and water.

As long as we have utilities, I’m not going to complain.

But I’m prepared.

Prepared to complain.

If you hear some very loud curse words from somewhere in the middle of the country, that means the power’s gone out.

And I’m mad.

Categories
Family

No More Slumber Parties

No More Slumber Parties

No More Slumber Parties

Long ago, I put a stop to my sons’ sleepovers.

I had to.

It’s because boys are dumb.

I’m sorry, but it’s true.

“Hey, watch this,” and “Dude, look what I can do,” proves my point.

It always ends badly.

Groups of boys are significantly dumber than solitary boys.

The dumbness grows exponentially in the wee hours of the night.

The collective dumbness of a group of boys late at night is significantly greater than the sum of their individual parts during daylight hours.

I know.

I have the emergency room bills to prove it.

No more slumber parties.

Categories
Family Lifestyle

Sticker Shock At The Grocery Store

Sticker Shock

Mostly True Memoirs

Sticker Shock

Sticker Shock at the Grocery Store

The post-surgical Grown Son requested Buffalo chicken wings for dinner.

He’s not going to get it.

Not at that price.

What is going on?

Prices are outrageous.

The produce looks terrible.

And there are a lot of items out of stock.

The Grown Son is not going to get Buffalo chicken wings for dinner.

He will get Buffalo chicken drumsticks.

If he doesn’t like it, he can go shopping and pay for those overpriced wings himself.

Sheesh!

Categories
Dog

It’s 19 Degrees This Morning

19 Degrees

19 Degrees

It’s 19 Degrees This Morning – Please Bring Your Pets Inside!

It’s 19 degrees this morning.

Everyone is being urged to bring their pets inside.

That’s very good advice.

But my dog doesn’t seem to care.

Blue is outside in the bitter cold stalking the woodpile.

There must be a rabbit out there.

Or maybe a ratsicle.

I was going to give her five more minutes.

But she came inside on her own.

I guess it’s too cold even for her.

The lure of the warm house was stronger than the lure of the bunny.

At least for today.

Categories
Family

How To Survive Those Postop Days In One Stupidly Easy Step

Stupidly Easy

Stupidly Easy

Those pills kept the patient and the caregiver very, very happy!

It was a stupidly easy solution.

The Grown Son did very well post operatively.

He was on a lot of pain pills.

We spent several lovely days binging The Wire.

However, it’s time to start cutting back on the medications.

Now he is cranky.

Very cranky.

Those pills killed both of our problems.

I’m going to miss that peaceful, post-surgical mood.

Those pain pills were a stupidly easy solution to all kinds of problems.

Now I need to get him well enough to get his cranky a$$ back to his own apartment.

Categories
Family

It’s A Super Easy Solution For How To Pass The Buck!

Super Easy

Super Easy

I bought a roll of plastic wrap.

I hardly ever use it.

It’s a very wasteful product.

This one box should last me several years.

Unless I just chuck it now.

The package is wonky.

There were only a couple of boxes left in the store.

And they were all crushed.

I had no choice but to buy a bent box.

Every time I use it, the whole roll pops out and gets twisted.

I’m tempted to chuck the entire thing into the garbage.

But I can’t because that would be very wasteful.

I’m hoping that one of my guys will lose their temper and throw it out.

That would spare me the personal guilt of being wasteful.

It would also spare me the aggravation of the wonky plastic wrap box.

As an additional delightful bonus, I could scold them on the sins being wasteful.

Of course, I will wait until after trash day to deliver that sanctimonious reprimand.

Now we wait.

It’s a super easy solution!

Categories
Dog

I Got Played By The Dog

I Got Played

I Got Played

I Got Played By the Dog

I got played by the dog.

Blue has been with us for two months.

She is settling in nicely.

Last night, at about 5:00, she did a happy dance by her bowl.

It was time for dinner.

She ate voraciously, as if she hadn’t been fed in a week.

Soon after she finished eating, Bob walked in and said, “I already fed her.”

Seriously?

I got played by the dog.

She manipulated Second Dinner out of me.

I sat her down and explained that she will destroy her girlish figure if she keeps this up.

She just smiled and wagged.

She has no regrets.

She’ll do it again if she gets the chance.

She won’t get the chance.

I’m on to her now.