Tag: humor

Categories
Lifestyle

Here’s The Best Way to Prepare For That Dreaded Winter Storm

Prepare

Prepare

Here’s The Best Way to Prepare For That Dreaded Winter Storm

A year ago, on Groundhog Day, winter was predicted for six more weeks.

I didn’t mind because we were having a lovely, mild winter.

And then the storm hit.

We had snow and ice and single-digit temperatures.

And no power or water for many days.

It was awful.

I swore off snow.

I never wanted to see it again.

This year, again, the groundhog predicted six more weeks of winter.

And right on schedule, it’s snowing.

This time, however, it’s only a dusting of snow.

It’s supposed to stop before noon.

But the freezing temperatures are going to last for a couple more days.

Luckily, we still have power and water.

As long as we have utilities, I’m not going to complain.

But I’m prepared.

Prepared to complain.

If you hear some very loud curse words from somewhere in the middle of the country, that means the power’s gone out.

And I’m mad.

Categories
Family

Cough Syrup, Regret, and Desperation.

Cough Syrup, Regret and Desperation

Cough Syrup, Regret and Desperation

Cough Syrup, Regret, and Desperation

The Grown Son was surprised that I had never tried Jagermeister.

He insisted on making me a drink.

Jagermeister and Red Bull.

He used sugar-free Red Bull.

Apparently it’s better that way.

Sorry, Kid, but that sugar-free stuff doesn’t help.

Not one bit.

The drink was terrible.

It tasted like cough syrup and regret.

With a strong hint of desperation.

Yeah, nah, I’ll pass.

I’m way past all that desperation nonsense.

I have reached that IDGAF stage of life.

Is there a drink for that?

Categories
Family

No More Slumber Parties

No More Slumber Parties

No More Slumber Parties

Long ago, I put a stop to my sons’ sleepovers.

I had to.

It’s because boys are dumb.

I’m sorry, but it’s true.

“Hey, watch this,” and “Dude, look what I can do,” proves my point.

It always ends badly.

Groups of boys are significantly dumber than solitary boys.

The dumbness grows exponentially in the wee hours of the night.

The collective dumbness of a group of boys late at night is significantly greater than the sum of their individual parts during daylight hours.

I know.

I have the emergency room bills to prove it.

No more slumber parties.

Categories
Family Lifestyle

Sticker Shock At The Grocery Store

Sticker Shock

Mostly True Memoirs

Sticker Shock

Sticker Shock at the Grocery Store

The post-surgical Grown Son requested Buffalo chicken wings for dinner.

He’s not going to get it.

Not at that price.

What is going on?

Prices are outrageous.

The produce looks terrible.

And there are a lot of items out of stock.

The Grown Son is not going to get Buffalo chicken wings for dinner.

He will get Buffalo chicken drumsticks.

If he doesn’t like it, he can go shopping and pay for those overpriced wings himself.

Sheesh!

Categories
Dog

It’s 19 Degrees This Morning

19 Degrees

19 Degrees

It’s 19 Degrees This Morning – Please Bring Your Pets Inside!

It’s 19 degrees this morning.

Everyone is being urged to bring their pets inside.

That’s very good advice.

But my dog doesn’t seem to care.

Blue is outside in the bitter cold stalking the woodpile.

There must be a rabbit out there.

Or maybe a ratsicle.

I was going to give her five more minutes.

But she came inside on her own.

I guess it’s too cold even for her.

The lure of the warm house was stronger than the lure of the bunny.

At least for today.

Categories
Family

How To Survive Those Postop Days In One Stupidly Easy Step

Stupidly Easy

Stupidly Easy

Those pills kept the patient and the caregiver very, very happy!

It was a stupidly easy solution.

The Grown Son did very well post operatively.

He was on a lot of pain pills.

We spent several lovely days binging The Wire.

However, it’s time to start cutting back on the medications.

Now he is cranky.

Very cranky.

Those pills killed both of our problems.

I’m going to miss that peaceful, post-surgical mood.

Those pain pills were a stupidly easy solution to all kinds of problems.

Now I need to get him well enough to get his cranky a$$ back to his own apartment.

Categories
Family

It’s A Super Easy Solution For How To Pass The Buck!

Super Easy

Super Easy

I bought a roll of plastic wrap.

I hardly ever use it.

It’s a very wasteful product.

This one box should last me several years.

Unless I just chuck it now.

The package is wonky.

There were only a couple of boxes left in the store.

And they were all crushed.

I had no choice but to buy a bent box.

Every time I use it, the whole roll pops out and gets twisted.

I’m tempted to chuck the entire thing into the garbage.

But I can’t because that would be very wasteful.

I’m hoping that one of my guys will lose their temper and throw it out.

That would spare me the personal guilt of being wasteful.

It would also spare me the aggravation of the wonky plastic wrap box.

As an additional delightful bonus, I could scold them on the sins being wasteful.

Of course, I will wait until after trash day to deliver that sanctimonious reprimand.

Now we wait.

It’s a super easy solution!

Categories
Dog

I Got Played By The Dog

I Got Played

I Got Played

I Got Played By the Dog

I got played by the dog.

Blue has been with us for two months.

She is settling in nicely.

Last night, at about 5:00, she did a happy dance by her bowl.

It was time for dinner.

She ate voraciously, as if she hadn’t been fed in a week.

Soon after she finished eating, Bob walked in and said, “I already fed her.”

Seriously?

I got played by the dog.

She manipulated Second Dinner out of me.

I sat her down and explained that she will destroy her girlish figure if she keeps this up.

She just smiled and wagged.

She has no regrets.

She’ll do it again if she gets the chance.

She won’t get the chance.

I’m on to her now.

Categories
Family

Funny Parenting Stories

Funny Parenting Stories

Funny Parenting Stories

Think You’ve Heard All of the Funny Parenting Stories?

Think you’ve heard all of the funny parenting stories?

Here’s one about lice.

Ick.

Someone was recently speaking about it, and it made me laugh.

One of my kids brought home lice once.

It was awful.

But I have boys, so it was pretty easy to get rid of it.

I shaved their heads.

My older boy has very dark hair, so even with a buzz cut he had a dark cap.

My little guy was blond back in the day.

He looked goofy with a shaved head, but he didn’t care.

I told him that he doesn’t need to discuss the lice with his kindergarten class.

It’s nothing to be ashamed of.

It’s just private.

He had to be inspected by the school nurse before he was allowed back in class.

Of course, that meant that we were late.

He made a Grand Entrance into his classroom and declared loudly, “I have lice!”

So much for discretion.

All the kids oohed and aahed.

By the end of the day, all the kids wanted to have lice.

They all wanted a buzz cut too.

Even the girls.

Yep, the kid was a trendsetter, even back in kindergarten.

Categories
Diabetes Family

A Type One Diabetes Mom

A Type One Mom

A Type One Mom

Seriously? The fun never stops for a Type One Diabetes Mom.

I thought I knew it all about being a Type One Diabetes Mom.

Apparently, I still have some lessons to learn.

Last night I learned that I need to hide some glucose tablets.

I know, I know, it seems counterintuitive to hide this lifesaving measure from the very people who need it the most.

But hear me out.

I have told both Grown Sons, over and over and over, to stay ahead of their diabetes supplies.

If they are prepared, they will never run out.

“Mom I need a glucose tablet,” one of them bellowed late last night.

“I just bought you some.”

“Well, I’m out.”

Seriously? Does he eat them like candy? How can he be out already?

I asked the other Grown Son for a glucose tablet.

He was also out.

This one seems to eat them like candy too.

Neither of them gave any thought to replenishing their supplies.

I had some marshmallows in the pantry, so the problem was solved.

Today I bought a new supply of glucose tablets.

I gave a stack to each Grown Son.

I kept some for myself and hid them.

Someone needs to think ahead.

And it’s probably not going to be either one of them.

Seriously. The fun never stops for a Type One Diabetes Mom.